March 29, 2024, 12:32:07 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Allfornothing

1
I don't know what I am doing wrong. I really think I was a good mother and continue to be one. The only bad things I can think of were mistakes of inexperience when my two youngest were small (I had them when I was a teenager) and later on when we had a riotous house of happy, energetic and mischievous little boys I succumbed to frustration and yelling more than I should have. They now range in age from 19 to 33 and they just see me as a nuisance. If they think of me at all. There have been so many good times, so many great memories. I have made sure they had a stable home that was clean, happy and loving. I have supported their interests. My husband has grumbled about most things they do for many years, but I have worked hard to make sure that he only grumbled to me. That they felt loved and supported by both of us. Now they go to him. Even when just visiting (2 still live at home and one of them will slam something down and quickly leave the room if I even pass through it).

I was always there for them, and was careful to not get into their space when they needed it. There were so many joyful times. I try not to intrude now, and do let them know I am proud of them.

Raising them was my life from 16 to now. And I was so excited to move on to the next part of my life without kids. But after yesterday I am not. At a family gathering I saw how I was either unseen or blatantly ignored (even when I cheerfully tried to involve myself in a group who was conversing - or even talking one on one with someone standing there alone). I felt invisible after being ignored or walked away from, even mid sentence.

There went most of my life. They hate me and I don't know why. I don't want to waste the rest of my life on something else I think I'm good at but which turns out to be a failure. It's hopeless. I just wish it would all end.