I received a call from one of my sisters that my mother is very ill and expected to die soon. She doesn't live close by, has been suffering from dementia for quite some time and with my blood pressure issues, I decided and told my sister that I would not be able to speak to her on the phone. My mother was a miserably unhappy woman for most of her life and served up a measure of malice and cruelty to her children over the decades once they became adults. I sent flowers and a note thanking her for everything that she had done for me. She did a lot of great things for me in her younger days, but as she got older she got jealous and mean and envious of everyone on the planet. I decided some time ago to add the "Lead by bad example" of her hostility to the good example that she gave me during my younger years. I have to accept that she did the best she could although there were many times that her passive-aggressive malice was like a knife in my heart. I stopped seeing her some years ago after a particularly nasty episode after my father's funeral.
I realized that I haven't told my son about his grandmother's expected death. I've decided not to call him. He and one of my sisters were on good terms so she may have told him, but if my mother dies shortly, it will be a difficult period of time for me and I don't need to add any kind of interaction with him and his bride to add to the mix. I have no idea if any of my family was invited to his wedding last year, the family has been separated by distance and the responses to a lot of the family hassles which may or may not be coming to an end. But I've decided that if he doesn't want to keep in touch with me, I'm not going to contact him for exceptions that I think he might want to know about. Those are his consequences to deal with and I'm not going to jump through hoops and stress myself out to try to let him know.
I've become more and more protective of myself in the last year or so, and while my son may be angry with me in the future, I think it's more important to protect myself from any kind of blood pressure related problem that might be brought on by getting involved in the mix, funerals and these kinds of events are always difficult.
I'm starting to adopt a policy of "I'm not the only person on the planet, someone else can always do it". Usually there is at least one busy body in earshot who will fill those shoes and by avoiding all these family crises I hope to keep my blood pressure in a reasonable range and keep the grief down to a low volume intensity. I mourned my mother for a decade or so while she was alive while she was nursing her meticulously held grudges against everyone she felt had wronged her during the course of her long life (including me).
It's a sad but painful lesson and I will work towards making sure that when my day comes to leave the planet that I'm more than a vessel filled with grudges and jealousies and bitterness.
KG
I see that as a beautiful post, KG. Honest, logical and productive. Sometimes the path of another is a complete mystery. They hit forks in the road, perhaps...we just don't know. Or they shift their direction for some reason that even they may not understand. None-the-less, it is about them, not us. How we deal with it is about us. I admire the direction you are taking.
High blood pressure is something to be looked in the eye. It can be a monster and can rear up without notice. On 9-30-11, when I was in a situation I could see no way out of and knew would be the end of me...my blood pressure spiked to 220/110. In the hospital and nursing home, I saw that I had an option and took it. Not without penalty to another...but/and that was for that person to deal with.
You are in my thoughts, prayers and heart. Sending love...
I have witnessed first hand people becoming bitter and twisted the older they get .
Perhaps thinking of the life they should have had , whilst others just become sweet old dears .
Also there becomes a time when self preservation steps in . I find myself surprisingly not caring so
much at what other people make of me , not wanting to be such a people pleaser .
I guess that's me becoming hopefully a sweet old dear and not a twisted monster .
People chose their own places in this world , where they want to be , and if we are not included
we have to find our own happy place .
We have to do what's right for us , let others do what's right for them .
Sometimes that might be all in the one place , que sera , sera .
I hear you KG and I have decided the same thing. In the past, I would have text DS if his GM was ill, a close family member passing, etc. I have also decided now since he chose to not notify me of the pregnancy, that he is making the choice to not communicate at all. We haven't been communicating, but I would have thought a major event like this, he would have sent me at least a text. This has spoke volumnes to me and made me finally realize that he truly doesn't want to communicate. So I will not notify him of anything major either. I'm sure he'll find out through others too. I even told my DH after the whole baby thing, "If something happens to me, a wreck, an illness, etc. and I was to land in the hospital, do not notify DS." Sounds harsh but the last thing I would need during a time like that is for DS/DIL to walk in. If they can't work things out when I'm well, then I don't want them there when something is going wrong. I will not appease their guilt by making them feel better during an already stressful time for me.
I'm sorry for your Mother's illness, but I love that you sent the note thanking her. I truly believe when we can let go of a grudge, it helps us. It's so not about forgiving or forgetting, but about bringing about peace in our lives by letting it go. When we harbor those bad feelings, it hurts no one but ourselves.
My thoughts and prayers are with you KG.
Keys, I hear you, too. I feel the same way and don't plan to notify my son about any family events for similar reasons. I'm also hoping that your mom's passing will be cathartic for you.
KG, you're a good role model for those of us who have always done the doormat thing at the expense of our health and sanity. I take to heart your stories and solutions. Thank you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I too love the letter to your mom; you're a class act, Keys.
Thank you for the feedback, everyone, it helps to know that you WW are thinking of me.
Luise when I told my doctor that I had reached 180/110 a couple of times on my blood pressure during the hostilities, he said nothing initially, but the shaking of his head and his body language said it all........DON'T GO THERE AGAIN. I don't want to look up the specifics but I do know that a friend of mine had a massive stroke some years ago and she was clocked at 225/something high and the doctors said......"Get her husband, we don't know if she's going to make it" so I'm glad that you have managed to keep your BP in control. I think that because you don't look ill, people think you are fine, when in fact you could be far from fine.
So I'm not going there again, no plans to attend the eventual funeral which would be a heart attack and a half, at least, I'm sure, I hope the flowers and the note gave her some comfort and now I'll just wait for her to leave the planet and hopefully find the solace and peace that she never found on it during the course of her lifetime.
I just got word that my mother has passed away today. It's been so many years since my father died in 1995 that I had forgotten how final this all is.
The expected funeral plans are even more elaborate and stressful than I expected with a funeral approximately 1500 miles from me, and about 1,000 miles of it with the coffin on a train (I assume). I've made it clear that the possibility of stroke, heart attack or aneurism preclude me from coming and having heard the funeral arrangements that she wished, it's about 10 times more stressful than the average funeral of a parent (IMHO) so I'm going to stay home and do something to honor her life.
Thank you all for your thoughts and replies,
KG
My condolences, KG. Please take care of yourself during this time. (((hugs)))
You have to do whats best for you KG .sending hugs .......
My heartfelt condolences KG. Take care of yourself.
I'm sorry for your loss KG.
Funerals are for the living. Do what feels right to you to honor your mother and let it go.
Keys Girl, I send you loving thoughts. I believe your actions showed your integrity, and the wisdom of strength. Honestly, I don't think I would possess your strength. It may require far more courage and strength have handled this difficult situation the way you did, than to have followed through with the status quo. I hear tenderness in your posts, and self possession, and a complete absence of blame and/or animosity. You have set a good example, in your careful consideration and appraisal of this situation, and coming to terms with having to make a hard decision that was to be the right decision. I believe there are far more peaceful days ahead for you.
Sending you lots of love and support, KG.
Thank you everyone for your posts. It is a great help to know that there are people keeping me in their thoughts as I move through this period of my life.
Thinking of you you Keys Girl & sending love & hugs.
Thinking of you Keys Girl & sending love & hugs.
I'm sorry for your loss KeysGirl. I think you're doing the right thing, life is for the living, so take good care of yourself.
What do you think you'll do to honour her memory?
Thanks, Scoop, I've received word from other people in the family that the distance is too much and everyone is getting older so has health issues. The good news is that she will now be cremated and buried later on, which will cut down on costs dramatically.
I have thought of having a tree planted in her memory, but it's always a good idea to wait when you are going through a stressful process to make any kind of a decision unless it involves buying a candy bar. You can think clearly later on when there is a bit of distance between the event and the strong emotions, so I'll let a few months go by and think about it then.
I've been having a bit of a tough time and I guess it's part of the grieving process because my mother died.
What's bothering me is that in spite of so many people, including the WW here who have expressed their condolences, 3 of my closest friends haven't even offered me a word of anything.
Two of these people are people that I've going to a lot of trouble to assist during tough times that they went through so it's very disappointing to realize that even the common courtesy of acknowledging the death of my mother isn't something they are going to offer me.
I'm not going to mention it or talk to them about it because I know that my emotions are pretty strong but it was unexpected, especially that when both parents of one of my friends died, I was the one who was driving hours and hours to go to funerals and memorial services to comfort them.
Thank you for giving me a chance to mention this, I keep telling myself that I should focus on the people who were considerate and kind as opposed to the 4 people who for whatever reason didn't see fit to even drop me a line on Facebook but I expect these people will be back asking for something before too long.
I'm going to put this behind me tomorrow and not think about it again, but it's an incredible comfort to know that my WWU sisters are out there somewhere, sending me good vibes. I think that was the last thing I thought of when I put my head on the pillow in the first night or two after my mother's death.
KG
So sorry Keys Girl to hear about your Mother's passing. Sending you peace.
KG - It seems to me that what is "returned to us" often comes from some place else. Friends let us down and then we find unconditional love on the Web. That doesn't make any sense in the logical world. In the world of the heart, however, it does. I send you my love...we all do. Our understanding comes with it...sisters, all.
Thank you Beth, and of course, Luise, you are absolutely right.
Thank you so much for you and my WWU sisters, you've made such a huge difference in my life.
Love, KG
My thoughts are with you too, Keys Girl. I truly am sorry for your loss. My mom has a mental illness and not in good health and my dad is still with the world too. I know that regardless of the relationship or trying to come to any reasoning regarding the why's (I don't even try anymore), I will feel oddly orphaned when those days come for me.
That blood pressure issue is nothing to fool with so I am glad you continue to self-preserve. I will hold hope for you and DS that things improve some day in spite of this. (as I do for all of us). Stress and resentment is really hard on a body so I'm glad you have chosen otherwise.
Since I work in long term care, I remembered an elderly woman from years ago. I was honored to awaken her on her 100th birthday morning by singing close to her ear with tears in my eyes "Happy Birthday". She gently awoke to that with a huge smile on her face. I asked her what was the secret to longevity later in the day and she said, "I was always a happy person, no matter what." I'll never forget her. She wore big red glasses that really didn't help her see as she was nearly blind, but she thought they were cool. I thought she was cool! 8)
I am sending you the warmest of thoughts and condolences, and may you be blessed with shining moments of happiness that's good for your heart during this new phase in your life. Your WW family is with you in heart as we go through life together.
KG - Your thoughtful way of honoring your mother while taking care of youself is good to hear. I am sorry you have lived with this loss in this life a long time. Death punctuates differently, even when we have been estranged for years. I do not think some people understand one can be estranged for many years and that death when it comes is still a loss process, a grieving. Your disappointing friends may be like that. I felt the way you do about my closest friend when my ex husband died - she didn't understand at all what I felt and never expressed anything, didn't pick up on what I was feeling at all. I was terribly hurt by her lack of empathy and compassion.
BTW - an unexpected thing happened after my ex's death though I didn't notice it for a few years. In time though, I found the thought of him brought a little smile to my face and I could sometimes feel him whispering something to me which would help me - echoes no doubt of when our love was strong and before it became twisted. He was a sweet man who became lost in alcohol and other women, yet when I divorced him, he gave me a present. It was (is) a triangular piece of crystal with a teardrop suspended in it. The note said - "nothing will ever touch my love for you". It reminds me love gone wrong started out as love going right. I hope for that kind of peace for your heart.
How beautiful, E. Sending love...
Thank you so much, Firelight, Elise and Luise, there is some special insight and compassion in these posts.
KG
KG, my F, who was for the most part just a shadowey figure in my life, due to his alcoholism and abuse, died on the operating table, at about my age now. I understand the confusing way this feels, and how the grief process is a different animal. It took me about a year to really get through that, so be patient with yourself, and let time heal the wound.
Keys ,
Some people find it very hard to deal with loss , perhaps your friends are not sure of saying the right thing .
Also some fear the reaction after offering condolences and become embarrassed .
I myself become upset when seeing a close friend distressed .
I'm sorry they are not there to support you in your hour of need .
Take Care , sending hugs .....
LL - Thought provoking. Thanks. When my son died in 2000, some people who cared about me and were aware of it, just started tallking to me about something else the first time we met. It was like mentioning it was taboo. I even said, "Did you know Dwight died?" a few times and got the answer."Yes." Then they returned to the subject at hand. I think you may be right on. Even, 12 years later, that helps.
Oh dear KG! I am so impressed by your actions in doing the very best thing for everyone, including YOU. You HAVE paid your dues and it is your right to avoid future hurt or health issues caused by others who lack your sensibility and wisdom.
Just look at how you are with others here on this site? You bring warmth and love and share so deeply. In spite of your humble beginnings, you became you, all by yourself!
I am sorry for your loss and it will not be easy to say your final goodbyes but you can do this anywhere on earth because it comes from within you. The funerals ARE or the living and that includes you. So the funeral in essence IS for you to grieve and share memories. With the event plan itself being so stressful just to imagine, you have made the ONLY choice available.
I think our mom's could be related as mine is exactly how you describe. I am careful to protect myself from getting sucked in and sucked up too. I learned a long time ago that she is sick and limited in her behavior control that always is jealousy related and involves her limitless wants, entitlements and unrealistic expectations. Then to deal with sisters who put the burden elsewhere and are downright hateful to our mom just puts the cream on the cake doesn't it? All they can do is spew their "greatest hits" on my mom's past behavior and blame her for their shortcomings in life. Now when the music starts, I ask to change the subject and always have the option of removing myself from the discussion. I just don't want to hear it anymore. I can't play the blame game, never could. All excuses from blame do is create barriers to progress by putting the responsibility for action on another. Yes, it was horrible and inexcusable but it happened and now it's over. We must move on!
I often remind them that the person who is the burden is suffering so much more than those she offends. How sad is it to be unsatisfied and alone? We did not create these monsters, we only loved them.
What gets me through her dreadful drama is my memories of her on the infrequent good days from my childhood. I often put myself in her shoes and respect how hard is was for my parents who did not graduate HS but managed to raise 6 kids in 10 years on blue collar salaries. I forgave her a very long time ago and now just look forward to those elusive good days with her. I still stand by her and will be sure she is well cared for. She already knows that I will not ever allow her to live with me because I told her I would end up in jail after the brutal murder. i know what i can handle and she is not within my reach!
I also credit her and my elders for making me who I am today. Good and bad, it ALL influenced me and effected how I parented and who I am today. Yup I swung that parenting pendulum so far away from their patterns that it backfired! I raised that lovely snowflake who ignores his people and only sees the man in the mirror and family who lives under his roof.
While I await the birth of my 4th GC and my 1st granddaughter (due any day and may be here now) and still believe I too will get the dreaded signal: No notification. Then, I too will even cut out the limited notification calls, i.e. someone's in the hospital, died, married, etc....
I also do not want him or the DIL to know if anything happens to me. Good or Bad. None of their business.
I am planning on creating a journal in time, using some of my responses here on his site. I may leave it to him, plus one dollar/ Euro (hope not!)
We plan to die BROKE!
Quote from: Elise on June 05, 2012, 08:47:49 PM
.....he gave me a present. It was (is) a triangular piece of crystal with a teardrop suspended in it. The note said - "nothing will ever touch my love for you". It reminds me love gone wrong started out as love going right. I hope for that kind of peace for your heart.
Elise! Beautiful<3
Sometimes, as we so sadly know, love is NOT enough....
I am still waiting for my DD to grow up , she's 29 and single , and living with me until she transfers to her new job .
We get on fine from a distance , but living together takes nerves of steel .
Is it two women in the same house ?
I let most things go over my head as I hate arguments , I drive her mad she says ....well likewise sister ! lol
Yes we do love each other ......but from far away ....lol
Maybe not suitable for this thread , just another view of mothers and daughters .
Everyone, thank you so much for all of the posts, they warm my heart.
I think that it is right to be aware that some people can't deal with death or the mourning process, or even speak about it, I have to keep my expectations down to 0 for them and everyone and be grateful for the people in my life who have been thoughtful, especially the WW here.
I think one of the biggest aspects of the whole mourning process for me is that I am mourning the woman that mother could have been, (IMHO) not the bitter, hostile and proud to hold a grudge for decades person that she became who brought a lot of pain to her children. I think she could have been so much more than that, but that's not the route she chose, but she lived her life the way she wanted to.
She didn't have a good relationship with her own mother, so I'm watching the heavens with a sense of trepidation. My grandmother died 50 years ago and I'm wondering if a few dozen tornadoes or so will be touching down when my mother gets to wherever she's going and my grandmother and her get together for the first time.
When my father died almost 20 years ago, I bought myself a beautiful piece of jewelry with some of the money that was my inheritance. No one else but me knew that it represented new memories that I created of him and even though it is getting worn, I still wear it today. I gave my mother many pieces of lovely jewelry over the years and she told me that they were put aside to be returned to me when she died, but who knows where they are now.
Instead what I might do in the next few months is buy a piece of jewelry that is beautiful, not necessarily expensive. I'll wear it in honor of my mother and the good things she did for me and make some new memories in an effort to push down the ones of the last 3 decades of her life where hostility and malice ruled her kingdom.
Love to all, KG
Footloose, good idea to make a journal for the new baby, you can do video from a camera as well, hang in there.
PS. I watched a portion of the PBS program with Wayne Dyer today and he talked about reviewing everything positive in your life and what you want in it in the last 5 minutes before you fall asleep instead of remembering everything that went wrong........it gives the subconscious mind 8 hours to work on positive stuff.
I'm very sorry KG that they have hurt you. Do you think it's possible, that they are purposefully not saying anything because they know how you felt about your Mother before her passing and are afraid to say anything? I know that I would still say something to a close friend, but maybe they think they are doing the right thing by not saying anything?
Pooh, I don't know the wherefore and the why, but even if someone knew that my mother's life wasn't exactly a river of joy, it's still just basic manners and courtesy to offer your condolences to someone who has lost her mother.
I'm fortunate that I do have some great people who are giving me a shoulder to lean on and as for the few who haven't given me that courtesy, I'm going to let them spend time with someone else until I'm through the mourning process. They don't need to spend time with me and I need to spend time with people who are comforting me.
By chance, I received an email from a close friend who had been particularly dismissive and she told that she had gone to a funeral for a very close friend who passed away from a heart attack in her 80's. I took this opportunity to pass on my condolences to her in my spirit of not following in my mother's path with the "tit for tat" resentment that I'm sure my mother would have done. I don't think that this means that this person might be someone that I could count on in the future but it's more about what I offered her as opposed to what she didn't offer me.
KG
I can't imagine not offering my condolences either and I would feel hurt by them too. Especially to someone I consider a close friend. I offer that to acquaintances. I just know that I have several friends now that don't ask me about GD anymore because when they used to, I would get upset and tear up. I think they saw that and didn't want to make me hurt so now they don't say anything unless I do first. I actually appreciate it because it truly is still a hard subject for me.
I do agree with you about you offering your condolences too. That took a big person to do that KG, which I already knew you were.
Just a small update, I had one particular close friend who did everything but ignore my mother's death, but expected me to continue to help her through a difficult patch that she was going through at work. She didn't reply to phone calls, and made every effort to change any conversation to her life and ongoing changes. The last straw for me was an email sent about a funeral that she had attended out of town with a long involved explanation of how beloved this person was by so many generations and how moving her funeral was. Given that I don't know this person I wasn't sure why I needed to know this, but nevertheless sent on a note passing on my condolences, etc. I later reread her message and thought to myself "Is this a little dig?".......my funeral was joyous, blah, blah, blah but your mother's wasn't.
I sent a brief note telling her that I was taking some time for myself and would get back to her down the road......sure enough a couple of days later an email arrived with some nonsensical stuff that I can't imagine would be of any use to anyone in any kind of grieving process but an effective way to point out once again that if you want some time to yourself, she's not going to respect that.
I've gone back to Square 1 which says "Watch the actions not the words"..........I wasn't impressed with her inability to convey any kind of condolence but the whole play by play of the joyous funeral followed by a wacky waste my time email has convinced me that I don't know what her problem is but I'm doing much better now that I am focussing on getting myself back into my routine and not spending any more time helping her through her difficulties.
I'm putting this on the board to remind everyone that it's the actions that matter, not the wherefore or the why of how people treat you, but just exactly HOW they treat you that gives you some insight into their character or perhaps lack of it or some other unknown issue.
KG
Once again KG you are spot on. Someone once told me when words and behavior don't match, behavior carries the day and tells the truth. I am sorry you were let down at a time you deserved understanding and support. I have seen this type of behavior in less important areas than where you found it, and I too learned to distance and move that person into a less close circle of intimacy with me - unless I booted them right out period. It's all about them. With people like that I've been tempted to use the line -" Are you deliberately trying to hurt my feelings or are you really that insensitive?"
My take is that when our expectations aren't met, which are still unarguably created by us, I think we need to look closely to see what's below the surface of the issue. For me, when I hit this this kind of wall, I often find I have made up a person who doesn't exist. The person I cared about simply would not have done what the one in question did.
We can make up who we think our children will be as adults...for instance.
I made up a husband who informed me that he'd had an affair of longstanding (3 years) but was getting past it. The man I made up and loved wouldn't have been capable of such deceit and duplicity. I told him that and moved on after 18 good years for me...but only 15 for him, apparently. I forgave him and we are still friends. However, he made a choice that ended what I imagined we had.
In your case, I am guessing, of course...your friend has surfaced as extremely self-absorbed (in my eyes) and superficial. Until this happened, you didn't know that...and possibly made her up to be a much deeper, mature and empathic person. With that knowledge, would you choose her again as a close friend? It seems doubtful. Sending love...
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was that when someone shows you their true colors (as it seems your friend did), believe them the first time. If an encounter with her leaves you feeling worse after, it's time to re-evaluate the friendship.
One of my coworkers became a close friend, before I had a baby, and she was one of those people who's always caught up in some drama - a lot of it self-inflicted. I lent a sympathetic ear, and I did notice over time that she would bulldoze over other people if she felt wronged in some way, however valid or not. And that she's a bit a of one-upper (ie "my problems are way worse than that"). It was never directed at me, so I never though much about it. Then I had a baby, and could no longer put the energy into dealing with her drama, so I lost my usefulness to her. When I showed up to work one night recently very upset about a fight DH and I had over my MIL (first and so far only time that's happened) I mentioned I was upset and what I got was a story about how her MIL was way worse than mine. Without hesitation, she also screwed a mutual friend over more than once about work stuff.
She had shown me her true colors all along, and I just refused to see it. Because she had moments of being very nice, I overlooked her stab-you-in-the-back-in-a-heartbeat nature. So I'm detaching from what's left of the friendship on my own. I think in a situation such as yours KG, you really see who's a good friend and who's not.
Just catching up on this thread - lots of good advice and insights here and much appreciated.
Thanks again, everyone.
You are right, Luise, I wouldn't choose to have her as a friend, and won't make any effort to see her in the future.
Love to all,
KG
Another milestone, this one I knew was coming, but it still has me upset.
My family doctor is retiring and no one is taking over her practice. She's been my doctor for 20 years and seen me through some rough patches and given me a lot of common sense advice that has been a tremendous help to me. She's also the person who has kept me off the blood pressure medication for 7 years and steered me to the safe side when my blood pressure was really high before my son's wedding and advised me not to go and avoid a stroke, etc.
I've known her assistant forever and I always knew that in a pinch, they would squeeze me in to see her that day if I had an emergency (as they did over the years).
I don't know that I'll be able to get another GP, they are scarcer than hen's eggs where I live and my doctor told me that she expected that I would have to start using walk in clinics as a primary care source.
While I'm so very grateful to have had such a wonderful doctor for so many years, going from "wonderful" to "who knows what" has got me worried.
It struck me that perhaps the reason that I am so upset over this is that it's another loss for me, this time the loss of a relationship with someone who has helped me tremendously especially in the last 7-8 years when the blood pressure issues started showing up. I've been getting flashbacks of the days when I used to wait in her waiting room with a ton of people, usually she ran late, 15-10 minutes, but now it's usually 2 hours. Her patients are all grey and far from youthful, we've aged together sitting in her waiting room, and the last time I went all 3 of us were holding books. We knew that it would usually be 2 hours before our scheduled appointment before she saw us, but we waited. She would always take whatever time she needed with you and if it meant keeping people in her waiting room, waiting, well, she did. On the few days when my appointment to see her ran long because of my problems, it was so comforting to know that she was going to do what ever tests she wanted, no matter how much extra time was needed.
I'll get on the net tomorrow and see if there are any options for me, but in the meantime I just keep repeating the phrase "Keep Calm and Carry On".
KG
I know how you're feeling , my doctor has been off ill for a year , and she has seen me through lots too . She also gave me Acupuncture for my arthritis , and now the poor lady has the same . I now see other doctors but they dont know me like she did , plus you see a different one each time ... and.now no Acupuncture . I wonder if she.treats herself ? I know its the same drugs I'm getting , but its like filling a shopping list , no feeling of.care . Keeping calm nevertheless .
There are so few people in this world we can trust that we feel we can't afford to lose even one. I understand your loss.
Not to compare this to your loss, but when I learned Fred Rogers died I bawled my eyes out. :'(
CM, you put it into words so well, you are right, there are few people that you can really trust, so losing one is really difficult.
If you cried when Fred Rogers died, then you had good reason to. We all have our reasons for all the people we miss.
KG
Just a short update -
A. To my great surprise, I was able to find a new doctor. By chance I came upon someone who knew her and told me that a segment of her patient base was leaving the city and she was taking on new patients. I had an appointment within a day and I'm now her patient. I'll always miss my other doctor but it's so nice not to be flying without a net.
B. The nasty friend who had all the compassion of a brick when my mother died has become somewhat demanding. I decided not to waste a minute with her any longer and have been vey busy so there's no room for me to listen to her plans and keep her company. I'm glad I re-read this thread, I had forgotten her my happy funeral remarks. Wow, now I'm realizing how nasty that was, passive-aggressive or just plain stick-the-knife-in-your-back-when-you-are-grieving just for the fun of it.
She doesn't live close by thankfully and Haley's comet may be back before I waste a minute with her again.
Thanks again to everyone who gave me a shoulder to lean on when it seemed I was just getting hit with one loss or some unexpected cruelty.
KG
Great news, Keys! It seems you've come across some people in your life recently who will be helpful & important to you - first the bench ladies & now your doctor. Time to let "the brick" go.
Thanks, Pen, can't help but think that "The Bench Ladies" would be a good title for a book or article. It has a nice ring to it, thanks for using it.
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