I was unaware that the rage nowadays is to celebrate your "Dirty Thirty" birthday, in any event, my DD made it clear she did NOT want a party, specially a surprise party. Her cousin, my niece, is the sister she never had and is coming from NYC to spend the weekend here for DD bd at the end of July. I asked my SIL if they had anything planned and he reiterated that DD had been adamant she didn't want anything. Come to find out that he has planned a birthday weekend at the beach and will be having a small gathering with some of their friends, which would involve going to clubs on South Beach (we live in Miami) and doing the whole party thing. We are not invited, nor are any of the older relatives, which is fine, as none of us are interested in that scene at our ages.
However, he told me he had hoped to count on me for babysitting the grands for the ENTIRE weekend. I guess what bothers me about this is that they must think DH and I have no life at all, as he just assumed that I would be available. I do what I consider to be a lot of babysitting already, often at the last minute so they can go to happy hour or have an outing. In May DH and I took care of our grandchildren for 4 out of 7 days while DD and he celebrated their 10 year anniversary in Italy (his parents did the other 3 days). We have had them multiple times on many occasions when they have gone away for a long weekend or had a "date night". I pick up my grandson every Tuesday at summer camp and take him to tutoring and then either bring he and DGD to my home or back to theirs, depending on DD request. If they get sick I am called on to care for them so that DD or SIL don't have to take PTO and I am happy to do so as I did not have that kind of help when I had my own kids. If DD wants to go to the gym and SIL is working, I have the kids over, although not as often (the gym thing).
I want to reiterate that I LOVE my grandchildren but I am not interested in babysitting so often. DH and I enjoy spending time together and going out on our own. To be fair, SIL's mother does a LOT of babysitting but often at her own request to have the kids come over on weekends "just because". I am not like that. The grands are wonderful, but together, they are quite a handful, so I don't mind helping out but I also don't wish to be taken for granted.
I guess I am feeling like a crap grandma because until a few months ago, I used to spend quite a bit of money buying the grands toys, uniforms, shoes, clothes until I realized that as a retiree I can't afford to continue to do so, I would rather spend my money traveling while DH and I have good health. However the other grandma continues to spend like there is no tomorrow and is constantly buying the grands everything in sight. I mean that pretty literally, she enjoys buying for them, as I do, but does not travel or do things with her husband.
So as I can see I am feeling badly for not wanting to babysit as often, feeling bad for making the decision to stop throwing toys and clothes at them and focusing more on DH and I, I am also feeling guilty for not wanting to have them the entire weekend of DD birthday. I told SIL that I could do ONE day, Friday, picking them up from summer camp and then taking them to his moms by noon as DH and I have plans.
Any words of wisdom ? I feel like a terrible mother and grandmother for feeling this way.
I told him I was only available on Friday an