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Need help on how to act

Started by barelythere, October 07, 2010, 08:50:47 PM

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erma

happy birthday BT!!  reading your post, it could have come from me! our DIL and son sound one in the same. money, only calling when they need or want something. sheesh! but i think all these ladies are right! go have a mane/pede, spoil yourself, and enjoy your visit with your grandbabys. i understand all to well the feeling of once bitten twice shy, try not to let that creep into your thoughts. keep positive, stay true to yourself, be the loving mom and grandmother that you are, and enjoy!

barelythere

Thank you, Erma  :)  I think as Mothers, we just want to be needed and loved.  That's all.  I will let you all know. 

justus

The best advice I have is to take it all at face value. They are doing something nice for you, so graciously accept it for what it is without expecting more.

As far as the 13yo goes, I remember when my girls turned 13, they became beasts. I have a friend, a chemist, whose DD turned 13 last year. She did some research into why her DD had become this strange person. One of the articles she found compared 13 year old females to wildebeests in the jungle. I guess parts of their brains go off line while they are literally being rewired. The only thing you can do is ride it out until she becomes human again around the age of 16 when she will actually be pleasant to be around, but, then she will have a car and tons of friends and a boyfriend, and you will be at the bottom of the list of people she is going to go out of her way to spend time with. It isn't personal, it is just the way the world works now.

My M took it personal and ended up driving off both of my girls. Why would they want to spend time with a woman who was constantly complaining about how little they saw her? They saw her less, she complained the entire time she saw them, so, they saw her less and less. I warned her that she better start being pleasant to be around and to reign in her jealousy, but she didn't listen. Both of my DDs are in their mid-twenties and neither of them have a relationship to speak of with their GM because even now all she does is guilt trip them and talk about the golden granddaughter.

I wouldn't over analyze your son's anger the last time he saw you. Could be he was upset at his DD given she didn't seem to be too happy either. You cannot do anything about problems you don't know about, so don't worry about it and don't assume it was about you unless he actually talks to you about it. Lets face it, as our kids go to college, get jobs, get married and have kids, we Moms move further and further down the list. We are not even close to the center of their universe. Chances are his anger has nothing to do with you. If it does, you cannot be expected to do anything about it unless he pulls on his big boy pants and talks to you about it. So, don't borrow trouble.

Go to this dinner and have a good time. Assume nothing is wrong and assume they don't want anything other than to celebrate your birthday. Whenever you look at your sullen 13 year old GD, think "wildebeest," smile lovingly at her and let it go. Don't wast energy on worrying to much over things you cannot control.

Oh, and have a great birthday. It is my birthday, too.

barelythere

Quote from: justus on October 08, 2010, 12:06:11 PM
The best advice I have is to take it all at face value. They are doing something nice for you, so graciously accept it for what it is without expecting more.

As far as the 13yo goes, I remember when my girls turned 13, they became beasts. I have a friend, a chemist, whose DD turned 13 last year. She did some research into why her DD had become this strange person. One of the articles she found compared 13 year old females to wildebeests in the jungle. I guess parts of their brains go off line while they are literally being rewired. The only thing you can do is ride it out until she becomes human again around the age of 16 when she will actually be pleasant to be around, but, then she will have a car and tons of friends and a boyfriend, and you will be at the bottom of the list of people she is going to go out of her way to spend time with. It isn't personal, it is just the way the world works now.

My M took it personal and ended up driving off both of my girls. Why would they want to spend time with a woman who was constantly complaining about how little they saw her? They saw her less, she complained the entire time she saw them, so, they saw her less and less. I warned her that she better start being pleasant to be around and to reign in her jealousy, but she didn't listen. Both of my DDs are in their mid-twenties and neither of them have a relationship to speak of with their GM because even now all she does is guilt trip them and talk about the golden granddaughter.

I wouldn't over analyze your son's anger the last time he saw you. Could be he was upset at his DD given she didn't seem to be too happy either. You cannot do anything about problems you don't know about, so don't worry about it and don't assume it was about you unless he actually talks to you about it. Lets face it, as our kids go to college, get jobs, get married and have kids, we Moms move further and further down the list. We are not even close to the center of their universe. Chances are his anger has nothing to do with you. If it does, you cannot be expected to do anything about it unless he pulls on his big boy pants and talks to you about it. So, don't borrow trouble.

Go to this dinner and have a good time. Assume nothing is wrong and assume they don't want anything other than to celebrate your birthday. Whenever you look at your sullen 13 year old GD, think "wildebeest," smile lovingly at her and let it go. Don't wast energy on worrying to much over things you cannot control.

Oh, and have a great birthday. It is my birthday, too.

Thank you so much...I will go tonight and try to remember all this.  Our GDaughter is very popular in her school, she's very pretty and used to love me so much; I was her favorite person in the world.  Now, it's her friends but up until last week, she was at least looking at me in the stands at her games. She faces the people in the bleachers.  I am terrified that our son won't come tonight and also terrified that GD won't come.  Oh my goodness, I am borrowing trouble.  I have to get myself together and not lose hope.  Having kids is too costly when your heart is as sensitive as mine is.  Thank you for writing me.

luise.volta

Happy birthday to you both!!  ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

barelythere

Quote from: luise.volta on October 08, 2010, 12:34:07 PM
Happy birthday to you both!!  ;D ;D

Thank you. :) Another year older and.....you know the rest

Nana

Happy Birthday Barelythere

A day to enjoy.  Noone cant make you feel bad without your permission.

Hugs and Kisses to you

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare