March 28, 2024, 06:16:47 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


my son

Started by erma, October 07, 2010, 03:06:13 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

erma

hello again, posting here bcuz this is about my son. yesterday as i was posting and reading posts on this site about how my DIL forbids us to show up unannounced, guess who showed up at my door with my grandbaby???!!! my son showed up, out of the blue, haven't seen them in 2 months, and just like that, he brings me my heart! (my grandbaby)
now i am not complaining one bit, bcuz i got to hold, kiss and love my sweet grandchild for a while. he ran into my arms and hugged me so tight, and said "my nana"!!!  such precious moments!!!
i held back my tears, hugged my son and was just grateful they were here. it was a good visit, the first visit Ive ever had alone with him without DIL. i did not ask anything about why she didn't come with him, i just let it be. he didn't say either. we talked about work, ourside of the family, his sister, ect. not a word about DIL.
when he came over this time, he knocked on the door, which was very strange. he always just bursts in the door, with "hi mom" and gos straight to the fridge. not this time though. that was a strange feeling Ive not experienced before. so if you've read my other posts in the DIL section some of know kinda where I'm at right now. which is my DIL is not speaking to me at the moment, and my son wasn't communicating either until yesterday. but his visit reassured me he IS still in there somewhere, and he loves his family. after he left, i just cried, i really feel that hes not happy. i never want to put him in a position where he has to chose between his family or her. i hope he isn't feeling that from her either, but i have a sneaking suspicion she may be giving him an ultimatum. how heart breaking can this women be? i would not ever want my child, spouse, or any family member to go through that. i am lucky, i love my MIL very much. she has her faults as we all do, but she has raised 5 wonderful kids, and one of them is my hubby! and she raised him right,  she has my respect and i love her. but not sure whats going on with my son. i didn't ask if she knew he was here, and he didn't say. i just enjoyed his and my grandbabys company for as long as they could stay. now what? :-\

barelythere

Quote from: erma on October 07, 2010, 03:06:13 PM
hello again, posting here bcuz this is about my son. yesterday as i was posting and reading posts on this site about how my DIL forbids us to show up unannounced, guess who showed up at my door with my grandbaby???!!! my son showed up, out of the blue, haven't seen them in 2 months, and just like that, he brings me my heart! (my grandbaby)
now i am not complaining one bit, bcuz i got to hold, kiss and love my sweet grandchild for a while. he ran into my arms and hugged me so tight, and said "my nana"!!!  such precious moments!!!
i held back my tears, hugged my son and was just grateful they were here. it was a good visit, the first visit Ive ever had alone with him without DIL. i did not ask anything about why she didn't come with him, i just let it be. he didn't say either. we talked about work, ourside of the family, his sister, ect. not a word about DIL.
when he came over this time, he knocked on the door, which was very strange. he always just bursts in the door, with "hi mom" and gos straight to the fridge. not this time though. that was a strange feeling Ive not experienced before. so if you've read my other posts in the DIL section some of know kinda where I'm at right now. which is my DIL is not speaking to me at the moment, and my son wasn't communicating either until yesterday. but his visit reassured me he IS still in there somewhere, and he loves his family. after he left, i just cried, i really feel that hes not happy. i never want to put him in a position where he has to chose between his family or her. i hope he isn't feeling that from her either, but i have a sneaking suspicion she may be giving him an ultimatum. how heart breaking can this women be? i would not ever want my child, spouse, or any family member to go through that. i am lucky, i love my MIL very much. she has her faults as we all do, but she has raised 5 wonderful kids, and one of them is my hubby! and she raised him right,  she has my respect and i love her. but not sure whats going on with my son. i didn't ask if she knew he was here, and he didn't say. i just enjoyed his and my grandbabys company for as long as they could stay. now what? :-\

Dear Erma,
I am so happy for you! You did great with what you didn't say to him.  I know the feeling of the knock on the door the first time.  I guess those are his boundaries...he's just showing respect.  I think you are making progress and I couldn't be happier for you.. I love happy stories.  You got to see your angel....what a blessing!  Sweeping them up in your arms, there's no sweeter thing.  Your Grandson really loves you, Erma.

LaurieS

Note: October 7, 2010, a wonderful day for Erma.

Your son may have knocked because had he simply opened the door unexpectedly he might have frightened you.  Had you known he was coming by, he probably would have walked right in. 

I'm glad you had a great visit with no negativities involved... bet it didn't even matter to you if your house wasn't perfect or your hair messed up when you answered the door.  I hope he knows that he made your day :) 

You are not making him choose anything, you simply let him know that you love him and his child.  Most marriages don't do well with ultimatums, they will straighten out their own relationship, you concentrate on being happy.

erma

thank you Barelythere and Laurie for your kind words. im hoping that his visit is a peek at whats to come. i do hope eventually that DIL can visit too without that unexplained thick tension that consumes the room when she is here. has anyone else experienced that? i didn't feel ANY of that tension yesterday at all when my son and GS were here. it was relaxed and warm fuzzys.

luise.volta

I have no idea what's next but it seems like a great improvement. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cremebrulee

Hi There and welcome....

sounds like that inner voice inside is trying to tell you to just take it easy and be patient...give it time to work itself out, and what ever happens, I'm certain your son knows your there for him...

You sound like a very understanding woman...with lots of love to give, and did wonderfully while son was there, in not bringing up any questions about DIL or how they're doing.  Sounds like a nice visit, and it was nice of son to bring over your GC....

We love our sons dearly and all we mother's wants is happiness for them....your feelings are natural and valid...and it's so good of you to keep them in check....realistically and patiently....your son loves you and in the end, it all works out....so, keep a stiff upper lip and sending lots of strength, prayers and love your way.

creme


Miss Understood

So happy for you to have that moment. Keep the faith ;D

erma

thank you, thank you, ladies! your reassuring words of validity mean the world to me! I'm so glad i found this site. we live in a  rural area, not many women to talk to, or bounce things off of.
so I'm raising my cup of coffee in cheers to you ladies! thank you!

Pen

I'm raising my cup, too..here's to WWU! We also live where it's hard to meet up with other like-minded women...so glad we're all here at this site. Take heart in recent developments, Erma..your DS does love you.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb