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YIKES! My mother in law is moving one block away from me!

Started by cdb, September 22, 2010, 03:10:09 am

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My mother in law was just hear because my husband found her an apartment one block away from us. We have always gotten along well, yet there are alot of dynamics with the extended family over the years that have created huge HURT in my soul. For example, one Christmas, I had a pot luck since I have health problems. Her one daughter brought 5 people and NO FOOD. Then the other sister in law rode my exercise bike while her husband helped me in the kitchen. My husband sat and refused to do a thing! The only way I got through all the work was to take extra pain meds which I refuse to do again. So, now, she will live in a small apartment and I live in a large people friendly house,,,open floor plan. My sis in law out of state is where my MIL was living for about 10 years while helping to raise her kids. Before that she lived in the state she raised her kids in and helped to raise her other grandkids. This SIL from the other state use to come to our town and never stop by our house to see us or see my daughter's newborn baby,,after my son told her she was at my house when he saw her at the mall.
My husband is acting like a KING now, that his mom is moving here. I am dreading the holidays! I will try to go be with my dad on the holidays and then my house will be open to anyone.  I know I sholdn't perceive problems, but I am not one to accept change easily. AND....my husband's older brother took over MIL finances in 1991 when FIL at 61 died. Now MIL is out of money! My dad suggested to ME only that all the 5 kids should sit down and go over what the brother did with all her money. He also bought all the farm equipment from her and is successfully farming and working on the railroad too. He paid for house payments and when she sold her large farm house, he got alot of money out of her for his share. IT is almost a huge NO that the 5 kids will ever sit down to look at finances.
My dad suggested I say something to my husband when he gives his mom even 20.00! But, it is going to be very tricky to keep track of this. She said she couldn't come up with 500.00 for the downpayment, but my husband took her to Kmart to buy a new purse etc. etc.
Like I said, I do not handle change well. Any suggestions or ideas? I am at my ropes end and do not even wish to celebrate any holidays at all this year.......espeically with my mom almost dying a month ago. It is hard to explain how powerful my husband is feeling now that his mom is here. Even when his dad died, he almost moved to her town and gave up his job to take care of her! And there were 4 siblings living there then. I don't know what his role in the family is, well lost child, but for some reason he has this desire to take care of her and yet is verbally and emotionally abusive to me.
Boy, I am glad this site is here just to type this and I am sure others will have replies. cdb