Dysfunction goes alot deeper than the DIL and DS

[Sunny1]

Happiest of Birthday's to you Miss U!! 

Next year I'll be celebrating the 6th anniversary of my 29th Birthday!! How 'bout you??

[luise.volta]

Happy Birthday, MU!In March I will be celebrating the 55th anniversary of my 29th! 

[barelythere]

Happy Birthday, MU!In March I will be celebrating the 55th anniversary of my 29th! 

Okay, wwwaaait a minute, Pilgrim, you got your calculator out to do that one, didn't you?  That's what John Wayne used to call everybody, Pilgrim.   "hold on, Pilgrim"

[Sunny1]

Happy Birthday, MU!In March I will be celebrating the 55th anniversary of my 29th! 

luise, that's AwEsOmE! 

[Miss Understood]

I am celebrating my 19th anniversary of my 29th B'day and proud of it. More wiser, More Courageous and More Beautiful inside...which is what really matters.
Thanks for the B'day greetings.
My DH just gave me the best B'day card...it was one that tells a story of our future together and I must say couldn't be a more perfect new beginning of my new self to focus on.

[luise.volta]

Lets see...what will do I have more of as I approach 84. Oh, I got it! More FAT! Just kidding. I have lost 25 pounds since June 15, so I'm half-way to being back to my normal size 6!

[Nana]

Missunderstood:

Well I am happy that you are having a happy day.  I wish you the best....today and always.
A big hug....

Love

[cadagi101]

WHEE!! 

[/color]

my heart gives a little jump and i have smiled reading these happy posts.   MU you must feel pretty special today
with all these good wishes..it is indeed lovely to have kind and caring friends and husband.   
good wishes to you, have a happy day now and always. 

[Pen]

Yes, you are special     Happy birthday, dear MU!

Your insight is pretty amazing. Thanks for sharing. I think I read somewhere that some people have an overactive guilt response. I know I do; I first realized it in first grade when I knew I didn't take something off of the teacher's desk but had major pangs of guilt nonetheless. I just thought I was weird, but apparently it's a real syndrome.

[Miss Understood]

Thanks Ladies and my new dear friends for the birthday wishes. I did have a great day yesterday...even though the drama was in my life.
I didn't hear from my DS though. I was ready for that and didn't beat myself up over it and in all reality...I made it through the day and slept really good last night.
I wanted to share with you all this book someone told me to get. They said it helped them with their dysfunctional family drama and ever since they put it in practice, the drama stopped and they started to live a better life. I read the book yesterday (Only 130 something, easy reading pages) It's called the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
It may not be for everyone...Even if you take a few things from it, which I did.
I have a better understanding that I DON'T OWN what my DS or my parents are doing, did or are going to do and regardless of what they are doing, did and are going to doesn't define me as a person. With that being said...It helped me to love myself a little more. I am at more peace this morning then yesterday, and definately the day before.

Just a little tid bit. I am sure anyone who has something that works for them and wants to pass that along can share that. Luise, I don't know this site very well yet...been stuck in just these two forums, but is there a place to post suggestive reading or help section?

[barelythere]

Miss U.  That hurts me for you.  I can imagine how guilty your son feels right now for doing this.  No matter what he does, it is not about you.  I have learned this, it isn't.  Take your heart and take care of it today because at some point you are going to see him and I feel you will find out something other than you expected to know, if you find out what is going on.  ; )

[Miss Understood]

BT...I don't think he cares about anything but himself right now...so GUILT wouldn't even fit in his brain or his heart. I woke up o.k and as I was taking my bike ride I had a twinge of awful pain...not a long drawn out stab of pain, just a twinge. Then I got this very cold feeling and had a thought that I don't care...I don't care anymore. What possibly could he say or do now to even make me want to step right back in with someone who has treated me so cruel for 3 months and has no regard about me what-so-ever. Is this a normal feeling? I have never felt this before...usually I am feeling I'll forgive him and take him back, no questions...just please call me or anything. Now...I don't care. How could I ever really trust him and you can't take back the things you do and say that wound so deep that breaks your mother's heart, causes pain on others in the family and more so...flat out ruins your relationship?

[luise.volta]

You are learning to care about yourself. Others go where they go and do what they do and it isn't about you and how you react to that isn't about them.

I have read that book. Good one! Poke around on our home page. Look under "Resources - Helpful Resources." That's the place there to post recommendations.

[barelythere]

BT...I don't think he cares about anything but himself right now...so GUILT wouldn't even fit in his brain or his heart. I woke up o.k and as I was taking my bike ride I had a twinge of awful pain...not a long drawn out stab of pain, just a twinge. Then I got this very cold feeling and had a thought that I don't care...I don't care anymore. What possibly could he say or do now to even make me want to step right back in with someone who has treated me so cruel for 3 months and has no regard about me what-so-ever. Is this a normal feeling? I have never felt this before...usually I am feeling I'll forgive him and take him back, no questions...just please call me or anything. Now...I don't care. How could I ever really trust him and you can't take back the things you do and say that wound so deep that breaks your mother's heart, causes pain on others in the family and more so...flat out ruins your relationship?

Miss U. This is a temporary thing and will pass as soon as your son comes to grips with himself and what is really wrong with him.  This is about him, not you. You will take him back but this time, you will see a different boy/man in him.  If this takes a long, long time, then so be it.  In the meantime, arm yourself for growth and walk through each day in a learning mode.  You will make it.

[Miss Understood]

Thanks again for the support. I just don't want to be dragged down to their "WHY" or their "LIES"  Maybe that is why I don't care if he calls or not because after what my parents said he told them...It's all lies and I just don't want to be a part of that. I've had enough.