Dysfunction goes alot deeper than the DIL and DS

[Miss Understood]

Thank you Luise and everyone else. I actually feel better that I can breath for the first time in 3 months. I always had this thing that all truth usually comes out...again it did....and All things shall soon pass...SO, I am going to give this issue a rest for a few days. I need the break. Thanks for the support and allowing me to vent.

[luise.volta]

If it feels good...give it a rest for a few week! And come in and comfort others in the meantime...your consul is great. Sending love...

[belweav]

Mis Understood,

Hang in there. It's nice to have a safe place to come to vent....
Luise.volta I love the audition. I think everyone should have to try out for a place in everyone's life.

[cadagi101]

you will get on top of this, I feel very sorry you suffered the trauma of not knowing where your son was and to make matters worse (if it can get any worse) your dp's lied to you.. it is beyond comprehension..what;s done is done so look at each day as a new beginning,  I can only imagine just a little bit how distressing this is for you.

[cremebrulee]

I'm thinking they lied for two reasons...
1.  They feared hurting you
2.  They feared you would get angry if they told you he was interacting with them?

I just think if we look at why people do things, it helps us rid the anger, and understand them better, and the situation. 

They did you wrong...no doubt about it, no one should lie...

[Miss Understood]

Hi Creme, I don't know why they held that from me. Their reasoning was they didn't want to tell me for it would make me mad my DS went to them, they didn't think I should have to know and that was the only time he came over, so why tell me. These are the three things they mentioned. Regardless...It doesn't matter the reason. It would have helped to know my DS had seen them and all the times I spoke to them and confided with them how I was feeling and what was going on and cried to them about my broken heart...they could have just let me know. It would have eased my pain a little.
My parents informed me today that they no longer want me in their lives. To think...How I was so worried about my DS and him not contacting them and worried about how my parents felt and how sad I was that what my DS and DIL were doing and then I get lied to...I say I am hurt and I get the axe. I told my DH that this toxic surroundings in my life are killing me today. I need to change that. I realized that I can love who ever I want, but I cannot make people love me. I can't make people do anything. I am so tired of trying to fix everything. I am just plain tired.
I know I had mentioned in past posts that my parents were silent treatment givers...I have suffered this many times in my life. My siblings also do the same thing. I seem to be the one who reaches out all the time to make ammends and resolve...Maybe that is where my stupidity comes from. Maybe I should just shut the window from the storm. I just wanted to have a peaceful relationship with my mom before she died...I needed that for me. Now our family is in tourmoil and they blame me. "I made them lie to me that got me upset which ruined everything...."

[luise.volta]

You never "make" anyone do anything. It is their choice and blaming you is a denial of responsibility. Sending love...

[Pen]

...after my dad called me and I thought he was going to apologize to me and he didn't, but made all sorts of excuses why they "didn't" lie, but "omitted" because how they thought I would get mad at them for seeing my son and just because I don't have a good relationship with him, why shouldn't they have one.....Isn't this like more reinforcement to my son that he doesn't and shouldn't respect his mother when her own parents don't even show her respect. ..My parents informed me today that they no longer want me in their lives. ..."I made them lie to me that got me upset which ruined everything...."

Miss Understood, what you're going through is horrendous. IMHO, sometimes when people want to be "the favorite," as it seems your DPs currently are with your DS & DIL, they lose all sense of the big picture. Ultimately someone must be hung out to dry and that's you for now. If that's been your ongoing role in family dynamics it isn't really a shocker, but it hurts all the same. I'm a big ol' grown up, and at times I still expect? yearn? dream? that my DF & his wife will stick up for me, support me, & not hurt me.

It's the story of the frog and the scorpion. Do you know that one? The punch line is, "But it's my nature to sting you." Or something like that.

Best wishes. We're here for you. Small comfort perhaps, but here we are all the same 

PS: Yes, Luise, I agree - you, MU, didn't "make them" do anything! They chose (or perhaps it's just their nature?)

[Miss Understood]

Thank you all! This is difficult for me because I know my mom's life is near it's end and I wanted to have peace between us. The family drama is a regular to us. This is nothing new, though it usually is "my fault" nmot really, but they always blame me...it's easier. I need to remove myself from this...it hurts so badly and I feel my sanity slipping away. Thanks for all your support and comfort ladies. Really appreciate this.
My mom used to say, "you can pick your nose, but you cannot pick your relatives"
True...and as hard as I WANT peaceful family relationships, they may not be attainable.

[barelythere]

Thank you all! This is difficult for me because I know my mom's life is near it's end and I wanted to have peace between us. The family drama is a regular to us. This is nothing new, though it usually is "my fault" nmot really, but they always blame me...it's easier. I need to remove myself from this...it hurts so badly and I feel my sanity slipping away. Thanks for all your support and comfort ladies. Really appreciate this.
My mom used to say, "you can pick your nose, but you cannot pick your relatives"
True...and as hard as I WANT peaceful family relationships, they may not be attainable.

Miss U.....the one thing I do know, which is not much is that when you FEEL like your sanity is slipping away, it won't.  It's those who don't think their sanity is slipping away who lose it.  Chin up!

[luise.volta]

And every family has their scapegoat.     "Speaking..."

[barelythere]

And every family has their scapegoat.     "Speaking..."

Family scapegoat speaking here!  Ditto!  How many FSG's are there out there?   

[Miss Understood]

And to add to that ?? Why is that? I would never do that to any of my kids. Then people in the family wonder why there is family turmoil or jealousness or that nobody wants to get together for holidays!

[barelythere]

And to add to that ?? Why is that? I would never do that to any of my kids. Then people in the family wonder why there is family turmoil or jealousness or that nobody wants to get together for holidays!

You know?  If we could only get rid of people, we'd be good.  Okay, here goes, only keep the people I like and are sweet to me. 

Why do they do that?  It's their only way of keeping control of their miserable lives, that's why.  I can think of a million other ways to do it myself but nooooo, they have to have scape goats.   

[luise.volta]

We have a new abbreviation: FSG! Mine are all gone. When people last as long as I have (83) they can outlive their tormentors!