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Started by cremebrulee, September 10, 2010, 04:38:36 am

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You all know, that I'm having trouble with my neighbor....well, here's something I thought would be improtant to discuss, to help us along with relationships with others.

It's very important, to look past oneself, and always consider the personal boundaries of someone else.  Funny, how we tend to think, that just b/c we were raised one way, others should simply feel the same way we do and understand, when we might do things that really are what they think to be embarrassing, over stepping boundaries....rude, crude, or just down right self indulgent...we don't think they are, b/c we've always been like that, however, to someone else, it may drive them up a wall...make them very uncomfortable and they become angry b/c they're feelings were hurt.  As in other things in life, there are stages in anger...first stage is an awareness/confussion/shock that someone said or did something that offended...2nd stage is hurt and 3rd stage is anger....we all make mistakes and say things that hurt or offend others without realizing it....however, by becoming aware....knowing this, might save us some hurtful, embarrassing moments...or the loss of friends...we must understand boundaries and limits and not smother as mothers....friends and relatives...here are some exercises we could all maybe practice and please if you think of anything else add to this list so we can all practice awareness of the feelings of others.

1.  When we call someone, make those calls shorter...don't take up that person's precious time by keeping them on the phone, and when they say, "Hey, I gotta go," hear that and let them go, say good bye, don't keep on talking as if they've got all day.  (My neighbor does that) Sheesh?

2.  When you go to visit someone, make the visits short...it's common curtasy for your host to say, "Oh, you don't have to go yet?", however, that isn't always what they mean....don't overstay your welcome.

3.  Don't take everything someone says as a personal attack against you...just b/c they're telling you such and such, doesn't mean they are rejecting you, they are simply trying to tell you how they feel about things and they have personal boundaries that they really wish you would respect, that's all, they don't hate you, they're not telling you,  your awful, they just want you to know, they don't think and feel like you do.

4.  If someone is in the hospital that you know, who is sick....make your visits short....God, my mom was in the hospital and this one woman would stay and stay and stay....for hours....so much so, that my mom complained about it, and we talked to this woman, but she still did what she wanted to do....people are in the hospital b/c they are sick, not to socialize.  It's very nice to think of them, but if your not family I would definately leave the visits up to they're family and if you do go to visit,stay only ten minutes or so....they need they're rest. 

5.  When you are talking with someone, especially family, never talk about anyone else in the family...if they make a comment, such say, ahhh huh, and change the subject.  But never invest in conversation about anyone else, b/c it's never going to be repeated as you intended...people hear things differently from the way you mean them, and you might not even consider the fact that your talking about them, but concerned about them, b/c they are doing something you don't agree with....and are worried for them....never-the-less, keep it to yourself. 


6.  If someone is sick at home, don't call or drop by for a few days (especially if they have a very close person that is watching over them).  I know we want to check on people and let them know you care, but if they are sick, most want to be left alone.  Having to answer the phone constantly or try to play hostess while you are sick doesn't allow you to rest. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell