Facebook

[cdb]

I opened up a Facebook account to see pictures I don't get to see of my grandkids and also when I found out the inlaws had one. I then began to see how impersonal it is! And then when I saw my brother was going on vacations when all he does to my dad is complain about the money they don't have, I had it! I took all my pictures off of Facebook. My son told me it is not good to put names under pictures there either.
I also have had it with phone texting etc. I call and people decide whether to answer or not. I don't text and hope to never do that. I like being more pesonal. And, I find in texting, online, facebook, people can act rude and never admit countability. Oh and my son never approved me for his facebook LOL.  I guess that was his boundary and that was fine.
I am 54, so not old to me. But, to my kids etc. they want privacy. I want personal contact and to hear their voices.
Just my opinion. But, texting one sentence is so impersonal.
Okay, time to try and sleep. It is 6am and I need sleep. So ignore my grumpy mood. But I am sick and tired of calling people and they are never at their phone or don't answer or return calls. AT 54, I will still say... What is this world coming to? LOLOL cdb

[barelythere]

My Son and DIL have never been there for us, not one single time, not thru illness, hardships, nothing.  Yet we have done everything humanly possible for them at any time through the years for problems with her family, they've had many "problems" where we've had to keep the kids and listen to endless going over every fine detail to try to find solutions for them.  It's gotten less and less frequent and it feels like they just don't need us anymore so they are looking for any excuse to have us gone.  This Facebook thing has really done it for me.  I wish I had a two by four to hit myself over the head with it because if I had had one lick of sense, I'd have never chatted with the GC and DIL.

I was told onetime by someone close to me, early in my childhood:  Society and fads will change and come and go but human nature never changes, it remains the same throughout time. 

Although they have seared their conscience right now, down deep they know what they've done to us.  Human nature has not changed,  so no matter what is going on they feel guilt over booting out the best grandparents and parents in the world.  The question remains for me, how could they do this to us? 

[cadagi101]

My Son and DIL have never been there for us, not one single time, not thru illness, hardships, nothing.  Yet we have done everything humanly possible for them at any time through the years for problems with her family, they've had many "problems" where we've had to keep the kids and listen to endless going over every fine detail to try to find solutions for them.  It's gotten less and less frequent and it feels like they just don't need us anymore so they are looking for any excuse to have us gone.  This Facebook thing has really done it for me.  I wish I had a two by four to hit myself over the head with it because if I had had one lick of sense, I'd have never chatted with the GC and DIL.

I was told onetime by someone close to me, early in my childhood:  Society and fads will change and come and go but human nature never changes, it remains the same throughout time. 

Although they have seared their conscience right now, down deep they know what they've done to us.  Human nature has not changed,  so no matter what is going on they feel guilt over booting out the best grandparents and parents in the world.  The question remains for me, how could they do this to us? 

Barelythere,

DO NOT let the facebook issue change your life!!!!!!!!!!!!! it isn't worth it,  you made a tiny insignifigent mistake.   STOP putting yourself down , dil would have found something to complain  about and the FB thing is just an immature  dumb way she is doing this to you!!
I think the two by four could be put to much better use,  just a thought...don't do it though!!!!
Sorry for my crankiness maybe I should go to bed!!!

[Miss Understood]

Hey BT. Don't beat yourself up over the FB thing. Live and learn....You can realize that FB isn't the way to socialize with family. We found out awful things on FB. My end, which I told this story was....My DIL was doing hurtful things to me and allowing her friends and family to say hurtful things to my family on there....go figure....she did all this on a computer that I purchased her and she did all this on a FB account that I set her up on. What a dummy I was too. I have a really good friend that says she won't FB because she knows her kids and GD's on there and she doesn't want them knowing HER business. She's a wise woman.
Did you change your settings yet?

[barelythere]

Thank you both....I changed the "Option to Chat", that is all I was able to do on my own. It's too complicated to me.   

I hate to be so dreadfully down but I am certain by her silence that they are finished with us.  My husband is better able to deal with it than I am.  I don't know how men can do that but they can.  He said it did hurt because he knows what a good father he was but that he was not going to allow them to kill him.  He thinks he's worth more than that and that he has no regrets.  I don't either but you do good and you get this?  Something is screwy with this society. Yes, it's changed but because I know human nature never changes, it boggles my mind at how they seer their heart where they act like they feel no remorse.

[barelythere]

Most people have just fine relationships with their DILs (I don['t know any but okay, there are some)  but I heard this yesterday about a DIL whose husband's mother was distraught over the impending death of her husband, his father.  His Mother called her son and cried to him about it.  Her DIL mocked her, behind her back  by saying: wah! wah!! wah!!  She said her MIL should wah wah wahing to her own husband, not her son. Her son became defensive of his Mother (good for him) but she is going to make him pay, however she goes about that.  Is this the way things are today with some people?  I'm sincerely asking to find out . If so, we're evolving backwards, not forwards.  Luise, you said you had a DIL who would take a bullet for you.  I think that is wonderful, more than you know.  Some people I know have the same kind of DIL who doesn't do this banishment, most of them don't want a family like I have wanted one.  Some ladies on here sincerely want to be cared for by their MILs. I'm sorry you aren't.

Back off, I know...if I back off any more I'll be in China.

[Miss Understood]

Most people have just fine relationships with their DILs (I don['t know any but okay, there are some)  but I heard this yesterday about a DIL whose husband's mother was distraught over the impending death of her husband, his father.  His Mother called her son and cried to him about it.  Her DIL mocked her, behind her back  by saying: wah! wah!! wah!!  She said her MIL should wah wah wahing to her own husband, not her son. Her son became defensive of his Mother (good for him) but she is going to make him pay, however she goes about that.  Is this the way things are today with some people?  I'm sincerely asking to find out . If so, we're evolving backwards, not forwards.  Luise, you said you had a DIL who would take a bullet for you.  I think that is wonderful, more than you know.  Some people I know have the same kind of DIL who doesn't do this banishment, most of them don't want a family like I have wanted one.  Some ladies on here sincerely want to be cared for by their MILs. I'm sorry you aren't.

Back off, I know...if I back off any more I'll be in China.

BT...I know what you are saying. My Oldest DD is that kind of DIL. She would take a bullet for her MIL and even if her MIL does something she doesn't approve of or overstepped her boundaries...she would never say anything. My DD mentioned this to me many times. Sometimes she would call and vent and it would be silly stuff like, "MIL fed DD Cheetos and Countrytime Lemon-aide for Lunch" and then she'd say, "Boy that felt good to get out." I'd ask her why she doesn't say something to her MIL if it bothers her and she said, "Because this is small insignificant stuff and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, she does so much for me and my DH." Now...that is a classy woman. That is my DD! So...yes, I get confused when I am treated like a second class, no...a non-existent woman...I am tired of hearing...back off from everyone...I too would be in another state if I backed off anymore. How much more can I back off when they aren't even acknowledging the whole family! Just my ex's and hers.
If there is any DIL that wants a good caring MIL...I'll adopt you. I was and am a good MIL, even if I am not acknowledged as one by my DIL. I am standing up for me today. You need to do the same BT. Believe in yourself. Last night...I had a moment of sadness...well, maybe an hour of sadness and my DH said, "it could be worse...your DS could be a serial killer, rapist or drug lord, thief or be dead." He's right. Though...it still hurts when DS is not my DS anymore period. ?

[Sassy]

I don't think they're finished with you!  I really don't, barely there.  I think they wanted the chat to end, and now they want the chat about the chat to end. And that's it.

When people don't want to chat, they block they chat. That's what chat blocks are for. 

I don't think you owed DIL or GD an apology for chatting. Not even a little teeny bit.   I understand why you were hurt when they blocked the chat, because it was a shut out. Ouch!  Just a stupid facebook shut out, but a rejection nonetheless.  (That's why Facebook is such an easy conduit for hurt feelings).

But because you TRULY did not owe DIL an apology, is probably the reason she's not responding to it.

Perhaps apologizing for chatting, when no apology was necessary, although we here know you meant it sincerely because you thought you bugged them more than you did (you thought 'poke in the eye', they thought 'buzz in the ear') , your apology may have come across another way.  It may have come acoss like you were trying to get them to unblock your chat, or to getting them tell you it was OK they were just busy.  Or even that you were soliciting for them to tell you  "no problem, let's chat again soon."  Which is not wrong for you to want that reassurance, even if you did.  But apologizing when no apology is necessary, can sometimes feel a tad manipulative to people.  Like a response is expected. Or she may think that that you expect an apology from her.

Because let's face it, it would have been nice for her to say "I don't use the chat feature much, I don't like chatting" before just blocking it.   That would have taken some sting out for you.  She might feel a little shame for not doing that?  That's why I mentioned not apologizing would spare everyone the embarassment. 

Let it drop.  Don't think not-getting a response from an unneeded apology means something beyond just let it drop.  "No unecessary drama!"

Hugs and love ... and I'll chat with you anytime!

[barelythere]

Thank you, Sassy.  I really appeciate all this.  I will let you all know how this ends. It seems like it should be nothing but I can kind of feel inside that it's bad.  I hope not.  Thanks, though.

[Pen]

BT, best wishes. No matter which way it goes you know the truth. There isn't anything we can do about someone else's perceptions, unfortunately. It's heartbreaking at times, almost too much to bear. I'm a "back-off MIL" as well, from day one, and I did that on my own w/o instructions from DIL. It's really hard to dance around and watch every little thing I say and do around DIL & DS. They certainly don't give me & DH the same consideration!

I agree with Sassy..I think, given time, it'll all be better. In the meantime, take care of yourself and get on with your life.

This thread has strengthened my resolve to stay away from FB!

[Barbie]

I got into fb to see pictures of my GD, at the time months went by without us being able to see her, and I'm not on it as much anymore. It hurts me more than it helps I think, DS is friends with all of DIL's family, they act like they've known him all their lives while none of us dare write anything on his wall. It really hurts. As a matter of fact I've been thinking about closing the account.

[barelythere]

Guest and everyone who has responded, I think Facebook is a tool of some demonic force. JK but really, for you, Guest to only be able to see your GC on there is so hurtful. Don't people realize this is horrible?  We're all hurt by this thing and I would think a lot of just plain old people are the same way.  What if you posted something and no one responded and it wasn't even about GC?  You'd get your feelings hurt. The only thing you can do with all this is to go underground somehow. This is so stupid.  Who created this path to destruction anyway?  People are on there chatting about zero anyway.  "I ate a burger tonight"  Really?  I can't tell you how that stimulates my IQ.  What a load of double bed sheeeets. I'd like to get off of it but I can't now somehow. It seems like I'm hanging on there for some reason.  There is seriously something wrong with people who are on there. (I'm talking to me)   Okay, now I'm on a drug.  The Facebook drug.  It has caused untold harm to my very selfish, uncaring and cruel DIL and me. We had such a one way relationship anyway.  If I don't have a relationship with her, though, no son, the one I raised and loved and taught all his life.  Can anybody say, "Amen?"  It is hard to stop love at the water's edge for a Mother.

[Nana]

Barely there:

You made me laugh about backing off more would take you to China  lol.....good point...how much is how much?  Also Miss Understood.....about backing off she would be in another state....Oh Ladies, I love you. 

But seriously, I am very sad about everything that is happening to you precious ladies....Anna, Barelythere, cdb, Ms. Understood...  All that about facebook is terrible.  I agree with Sassy about Barely there not having to apologize a abit for posting or chatting with dil and gc.   Since when this is a crime.  How dare they......I dont understand....But now you now know, BT, how the water runs.   

I also feel I could give my life for my mil (now 90).  Did she sometimes express her opinion against mine....sure she did.   But I too considered that she loved us all very much and I felt flattered and special having her in my life.

I hope you all have happy changes in your life.

Hugs....

   

[Pooh]

You ladies will have to forgive me, but I am getting a serious kick out of all the facebook comments.  I don't mean to offend anyone, but I just can't get on board with the whole facebook is causing problems.  Yes, I see things from my DIL on there that makes me cringe, like when about every other day her or her Mother post things about them all going to do things (with my DS).  Yes, it makes me jealous and angry since they never visit, or invite us to visit.  But do you honestly think that FB is the issue?  I had to learn that even if I wasn't seeing it on FB, it would still be happening.  Even without seeing it on FB, I am still jealous and angry about the situation.  If they are talking about you on there, they are talking about you period.  Even without FB, they would be talking about you.  If they are ignoring you on there, they are more than likely ignoring you period.  In my case, the positives way outweigh the negatives.  I get to talk to people that I normally wouldn't get to.  I get to catch up with old friends and relatives that I rarely get to see. 

If they don't answer their cell phone when you call, or you have an argument on your phone, are you going to blame the phone?  If you get an ugly letter, is it the Post Office that is evil?  Just like on this forum or in person, you take the good and what applies to your situation and ignore the rest.  And if your DIL or DS/DD/GC post something ugly about you, then at least you know that they are angry or something is wrong and get a heads up on how they are acting.  Yes, we don't like our dirty laundry aired for everyone and it is insensitive of them, but truly that means they are doing it off FB as well.  So I see it as a heads up and trust me, if they are posting flat out lies, then your true friends are just going to see it as "that is how they are and shame on them."  If they know you, then they will not believe it.  The people that believe it, are not your friends.    The people that believe it, want to believe it.  I have deleted many people from my friends list that do not add anything to my life.  I have a couple of people I know, that only ever post whoa is me status messages.  They never have anything good to say about life, so I deleted them.  When they send me a friend request now, I hit ignore and go on.  After seeing how they are on there, I would have no desire to hang out with them in person, so the power of ignore.

If you have a DIL or NDIL or whoever that is posting ugly things on your wall or someone else's, delete them!  Purge your FB of the people that are using it as a tool to further their agenda.  They know you are seeing it and are wanting a reaction.  Don't give it to them, just like we shouldn't in real life.  It is so easy for people to sit behind their computer and be mean.  To me, it is cowardice.  They can sit and type something terrible, but don't have the fortitude to talk to it in person.  Their character flaw, not mine. If they are saying mean things on the phone, hang up.  If they are saying mean things in person, walk off.  FB is no different.  Do not give them the power to treat you badly.  Move on.  I have friends that tell me, "So and so is always talking badly about me on FB and I'm tired of it!"  But yet they leave them on their friends, and guess what?  As soon as they log in, that is the first page they go to.  They want to see what they have said now and then complain about it.  They get angry but yet, they go searching for it first.  Hello!  Delete them!  If you know they are being awful and you go looking for it, you are just as guilty of the drama as they are.  They can't hurt you if you don't let them.  And if you truly can't stand it, then kill your account and don't use it.  It is a choice we all have to use it or not use it.

[cremebrulee]

Guest and everyone who has responded, I think Facebook is a tool of some demonic force. JK but really, for you, Guest to only be able to see your GC on there is so hurtful. Don't people realize this is horrible?  We're all hurt by this thing and I would think a lot of just plain old people are the same way.  What if you posted something and no one responded and it wasn't even about GC?  You'd get your feelings hurt. The only thing you can do with all this is to go underground somehow. This is so stupid.  Who created this path to destruction anyway?  People are on there chatting about zero anyway.  "I ate a burger tonight"  Really?  I can't tell you how that stimulates my IQ.  What a load of double bed sheeeets. I'd like to get off of it but I can't now somehow. It seems like I'm hanging on there for some reason.  There is seriously something wrong with people who are on there. (I'm talking to me)   Okay, now I'm on a drug.  The Facebook drug.  It has caused untold harm to my very selfish, uncaring and cruel DIL and me. We had such a one way relationship anyway.  If I don't have a relationship with her, though, no son, the one I raised and loved and taught all his life.  Can anybody say, "Amen?"  It is hard to stop love at the water's edge for a Mother.

I'm on Facebook and it's not a drug, and last time I looked I was perfectly normal....
I don't go in there to check out my kid's Facebook, I'm in there for my own being and it is a useful tool to me....and has been, when it's not anymore, I'll probably not go on anymore...
and I don't post things about what I'm eating, actually very rarely post, and am not hanging out in there that much...however, it's neither a facebook drug, or a bad thing for me....I've reconnected with a lot of high school friends that I've lost touch with along with internet poets that I've known for over 10 years and lost touch with, along with new friends, friends of sisters, brothers, mothers and yes, even friends of my son's.  So, while I'm sorry it's been a bad experience for you, it hasn't been for me, and for a lot of others....who actually enjoy being on facebook as a passtime, as you enjoy being on here.  It is not some demonis force. 

I'm very sorry to anyone who has had troubles on there....however, it's not Facebook, it's the people who use Facebook to cause hurt, or to snoop...and I'm not talking about anyone who goes in there to see pictures of they're grand child, b/c I did the same thing once...it's a form of snooping, I'll admit, however, I can understand that b/c I did it....