cant go on..........

[luise.volta]

I think some of us learned "never give up." That is great sometimes. But in other situations it lacks acceptance and the wisdom that some things can't be changed while other things are none of our business. We eventually learn discernment....(hopefully.) Sending love...

[luise.volta]

Appreciate it, Creme! I will write a new post after surgery. I just sneaked this one in here. I just love the support!

[juju68]

All the time I tried so hard I got a harder punch.  Why are people that way?   Dont know.  It is how it is.   We like to ago against the flow. 

could it be because, we're pushing?  We're pushing our everything on them, which dictates to them, how they should think and believe, or visa versa?  Sometimes, a lot of times, we unknowingly do it, but we do it none-the-less?

I am not pushing my daughter and have not, all I have done since her teen years began is lay down like a door mat and jump as high as she said ..just so I can get a little love from her..Why do people always jump to blame the parents???

Cdb......Thank you so very much for you thoughts I appreciate it and I will send prayers your way

[juju68]

Luise....Praying for a safe surgery an quick recovery

[irenic]

It is sad but we all have gone through this same thing, we are all hurting, it is painful, excruciating, hard to believe it is happening to us, but
the positive aspect is that this group of people know what we are going through.  We just don't expect our children to turn against us
to use our precious grandchildren as pawns in their cruel game.  Hang in, hang on, grab hold of us here in this place.  I am so sorry for
your pain, sorry you have this in your life, but I wish you peace, the ability to hang on each hour of the day.  I am here for you, take a deep breath,
remember you are a wonderful woman, capable of rebuilding your life.  I volunteer with Big Sisters, that helps.

[juju68]

irenic...Thanks for your post..That was very powerful and I hope all is getting better in your life... I have been trying to work-out..and go to work but at this time this is all I can do..I am going to try an volunteer somewhere,but this pain is so raw I need to gather myself up an quit crying before I can help someone else....But I will sure help someone and with the holidays coming there are alot of places to help an show love...Have a good day:)

[Pooh]

Just keep trying JuJu!  You will make it through this storm.

Luise, Good luck today and my thoughts are with you!

[Barbie]

Louise, thinking of you and praying for a speedy recovery!

[Nana]

Creme:

In regard to the most I tried, the harder the punch does not relate at all at dictating to them what they should think or do.  Or pushing either.  When I say, the harder I tried, it was that I took it all and jumped as high as I she wished.   Trying hard is not pushing.  I tried to please her by minding my own business, not visiting, not giving advice, being there for them all the time when they needed.   

What I mean is that we despise people who we know are walking the extra mile in order to gain their love, or approval.  Just to be a part of their life. 

There are exceptions to the rule, of course, but when I say trying hard is really trying to comply with their terms.   You are right some mil's push a lot or dictate, but that was far from true in my case.

Thanks creme for your response.

Hugs

[barelythere]

Creme:

In regard to the most I tried, the harder the punch does not relate at all at dictating to them what they should think or do.  Or pushing either.  When I say, the harder I tried, it was that I took it all and jumped as high as I she wished.   Trying hard is not pushing.  I tried to please her by minding my own business, not visiting, not giving advice, being there for them all the time when they needed.   

What I mean is that we despise people who we know are walking the extra mile in order to gain their love, or approval.  Just to be a part of their life. 

There are exceptions to the rule, of course, but when I say trying hard is really trying to comply with their terms.   You are right some mil's push a lot or dictate, but that was far from true in my case.

Thanks creme for your response.

Hugs

I did the same thing, Nana. Groveled at their feet, kept kids for days while they had their fun. That's fine but nothing, nothing ever came my way. Nothing.  You're right, I think when people see you running after them and scared of losing them to the point you'd give your life, I think they hate you/me. This has been the heartbreak of my life and I'd better get through it because honestly, there's not much life left.  Who are these MILS who push a lot and dictate?   I don't know any.  They probably have piles of money.

[cadagi101]

I just caught up Luise timewise we are out of whack.   All my thoughts and prayers are with you, you are a lovely lady with such a big heart.    I hope you ae sitting up in bed after a successful transplant today.

[luise.volta]

Thanks! I'm doing well. Sleeping a lot. Post-op check today went smoothly.  (That's me! You have to wear dark glasses after a cornea transplant.)

[Barbie]

I'm happy to hear that Louise. You're so amazing!

[Nana]

Yes barelythere:  There is a time we would have given all to please our dil.  Things did work out for me finally, but only after I cut her off, after so much emotional abuse.  Never in my life, Barelythere, have I felt so small, then when I was trying to win her love/respect and be considered as part of their family.   I was thinking, how could a dil be the person that had inflicted the most suffering in my life?

That is why I sometimes do advice that mil stop trying and keep a distance from dil even if it results very painful to stop seeing son and gc.  It takes a lot of courage.  But it is the only way to get our life back.  We cannot stop others from disrespecting us or hurting us, but we can hold on to our self-respect and dignity.

My dil does not see me as a thread anymore.  I never was, now she knows.  Now she is enjoying all the help and love I give her and the babies.  I still dont go to her house only when invited like on Birthdays or on special ocassions.   She and son (with gc) come often and stay all day with us on weekends.   I feel very luck now...but it was a long road...about two years.

But it is true, if we permit others to ignore or humiliate us ...we will appear to them as worthless.  Sad but true. 

I wish you the best of luck.

[cdb]

"But it is true, if we permit others to ignore or humiliate us ...we will appear to them as worthless.  Sad but true." 
Wow Nana,
This just hit home with me! I am finding how true this is. I has been a short time for me and I am seeing positive results. But, permitting to ignor and humiliate me has been a common theme in my life! Thanks for this quote! cdb