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cant go on..........

Started by juju68, September 06, 2010, 09:48:40 AM

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juju68

I have done everything in my power to raise my only child an give her all that sheneeded or wanted.was with her for labor classes an the birth of my first grandbaby, due to the father leaving her an cheating on her!!! I took care of the baby for 3 weeks bcuz my daughter got sick an ended up in hospital.I watched the grandbaby for 50 hours a week an changed my work schedule an even dropped a day of work so daughter could work an go to school...Now it has been two weeks since she said I cant watch the baby anymore because her an the baby's dad are going to work it out,she said I can see her once a month ,,and that I am a bad person ,never been there for her an on an on..When I was crying about it she laughed at me an said quit playing the victim... Now she is moving in with him an has quit both her jobs. I miss my grandbaby sooo sooo much.I bought stuff an fixed up the spare room as a nursery since I had her so much  an spent over 500 dollars my daughter knew this an even helped an now nothing!!!! I cant sleep I cant eat I can only cry cry cry...Omg my heart is hurt ..she has done this crap to me for 5 years but never did I think she would use the grandbaby as a pawn...I am so tired of living an hurting..I am sorry if I do not make sense :'( :o :-X :'( :-[

barelythere

juju, we understand, all of us understand. This could go on for years.  It is all about her, not you. Listen to me try to talk to myself (that's what I'm doing)  We have either been where you are or, we are where you are right now.  It is hard to come to grips with this, you will live through it and I know Luise would say that you can and will live through it and grow from it.  Just take one step, one day at a time.

luise.volta

Yes, it's true. And...you were a whole person before you had a child and a grandchild and you can be a whole person again. We are more than our biological roles in life.

It's awful and she has dished out rejection before. She probably will again. Pick up the pieces, come here for support and start the healing process. She is making her own choices and burning her own bridges. That's her right, unfortunately. She's trying to make a home and build a nest in very unlikely circumstances. Send her love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

juju68

Thanks....I want to pick up the pieces,but I just do not know how. I alienated all my friends because my daughter did not like them. I have no living family and am all alone. Wow this hurts so much...thanks for taking the time to respond.

Barbie

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a long process, it takes time. After many months of feeling like I had a life again, I suddenly feel so sad and helpless. Please know that everyone here cares. Things will get better for you. Take it one day at a time.
Hugs.

Miss Understood

juju....been there....climbing out from there.
Read this and print it out, post it up and stand by these words:
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets; so love the people who treat you right, PRAY for the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. Have faith in yourself and live your life right. Remember you are only in control of yourself and no one else."

Do something different. Find new hobbies, volunteer, craft, journal, excercise. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. You will find when you go out of your box, you will get distracted and you will find new things that will occupy your thoughts, even if it for a little while. Someone told me the other day, "This soon shall pass." They are right....Everything negative in my life has found a way to pass. Even when in dispair and you feel it will never go away....it always works itself out. Maybe not the way we want it to, but try to let go and let it run it's course. Missing the GC is the thing that hurts the most...I know. Your treatment by your DD is something you can pass on. Love your GC with possitive thoughts and remind yourself that you are a good mom and grandma! It will come around to you. My thoughts are with you.

luise.volta

You pick up the pieces by seeing that there are pieces to pick up. You have us. That's a good place to start. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

I would like to add: Reconnect with your friends, if they're positive forces and not negative. Or, put yourself out there again and make new ones. You need to connect with supportive people who can provide a soft landing spot when you need it. Of course, you do have us (!) but in time you'll need "real" friends  :)

Isn't it amazing to become aware of how many pretzel shapes we've bent ourselves into for our kids? If our efforts aren't appreciated, it's time to get ourselves straightened out. Big talk from me, the incredible "two forward one back" girl, but every day is a new beginning and we get to choose how we'll handle our situations. Best wishes and {{{hugs.}}}
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cadagi101

Juju 68, all I can offer you are my thoughts and prayers.  Your situation might happen to me one day and not haveing a dil or gc I am flying blind here but the way my son treats me now I don't have the energy or inclination to let my saga continue the way yours is now.   great advice from everyone, Pen the pretzal is so spot on.  Yes we must straighten out and get ourselves back as we were before our children that were so adorable ,cute and cuddly grow up into !!!!!!  fill in the gaps. 
Look after no.1
Pen isn't it great to give the advice we ourselves must adhere to.  And we will...one day soon, believe me.

Ree

Amen Pen!  Hang in there JuJu68!  Do what one can do and move on without looking back!  Treat everyday like the new day it is.  Past is past and remind youself that we can never go back to that day, hour, minute or second.

juju68

Thank you all so much...I am just at a loss an feel so hurt an empty. :'(..I cant believe all my daughter has done to me,actually I can believe it.I just cant believe I allowed myself to be sucked in yet again to her crazy roller coaster ride,she calls her life!!!..I am still hanging by a thread here,but I have read these posts over an over all day with tears streaming out my eyes an my heart breaking...I thank you all so much ;)

Nana

Juju: 

I am sorry you are feeling these way.  We were whole persons before we were mothers as some posts mentioned, we had a life.  We had to rescue ourselves again.  He/she who makes us cry does not deserve our tears.  We have to be strong and let go of what is killing us.  We have the right to have peace and happiness.  We were also young girls with dreams and ambitions and you name it, just as our children are now.  We were not prepared for what was coming. 

I think that your daughter will come back because she will eventually need you.  I hope by then you will have recover and she will see what a strong and valuable mom she has.  It is tough love.

I am impressed how sometimes mothers that were far from great....had or have great loving children always trying to please mom and dad.   The problem as I see, we make them think they are the center of the universe and are all deserving.   

Good luck! 


Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

barelythere

Quote from: Nana on September 07, 2010, 02:54:09 AM
Juju: 

I am sorry you are feeling these way.  We were whole persons before we were mothers as some posts mentioned, we had a life.  We had to rescue ourselves again.  He/she who makes us cry does not deserve our tears.  We have to be strong and let go of what is killing us.  We have the right to have peace and happiness.  We were also young girls with dreams and ambitions and you name it, just as our children are now.  We were not prepared for what was coming. 

I think that your daughter will come back because she will eventually need you.  I hope by then you will have recover and she will see what a strong and valuable mom she has.  It is tough love.

I am impressed how sometimes mothers that were far from great....had or have great loving children always trying to please mom and dad.   The problem as I see, we make them think they are the center of the universe and are all deserving.   

Good luck!

I am impressed how sometimes mothers that were far from great....had or have great loving children always trying to please mom and dad.   The problem as I see, we make them think they are the center of the universe and are all deserving.   

Good luck! 


Nana, I have noticed this too. The worse you are as a Mother,  the more you're sought after.

cremebrulee

JuJu
I don't know if it's any consulation, however, we've all been to that place you are now, and we sometimes, even regress back to that place...but some of us don't stay quit as long...however, it still hurts, is despairing, hurtful and seems endless....just please if you can, hold onto the women here, and read, read, read, to gain strength and understanding....stay focused on changing you, and not her....you can't and never will change her, unless she wants it herself....but what you can do, is change yourself, your attitudes and know your ability to be able to keep going, and honetsly gain a whole lot of light from this experience....

please know your in my thoughts and prayers.

Pooh

Hang in there JuJu.  It does get better with time, I promise.

How about just finding one positive today?  And then you find one positive the next day, then the next...then you will find how much of your life is positive.  And it can be serious, or something totally silly.

I'll start.  My positive today:  Since my kids have moved out now, I never have a problem parking in the driveway!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell