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Jealous of the other Grandmother?

Started by CarolN, September 08, 2009, 01:13:35 PM

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Carol, I am with Scoop on this one, but I also see "jealousy" as normal.  I would give anything to just get to see my GC for one day a week.  You would have to go read my precious gd story to find out the whole story.  It's been 7 months since I have seen her and I miss her every day.  I am also "jealous" that the other GM has access so I do understand your feelings.  But, please cherish the time you do have with her because I would trade places with you in a second.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


DDM, I bet your GC's other grandma is jealous of you, because she has to be a disciplinarian and can't just be fun.  I always felt a little jealous of my parents, because they got to swoop in, spoil the heck out of my son, and then give him back (after he was all zoomy, overstimulated and sugared up, lol!) for me to do all the "boring" routine stuff.  He still remembers those times with them very, very fondly (especially with my dad, who was the spoiler, versus my mom who used to try to be the voice of reason, lol).  Kids need that kind of unconditional fun.
This too shall pass.  All is well.


I am The Grandmother to my daughters only child(my youngest granddaughter)....I am the Other Grandmother to my oldests son's children.....So very true my son is my till he takes a wife, but my daughter is my daughter all of her life....


When I was young and before I had children people used to comment on the incredible patience I had with kids. Then when I had my own I really loved my 3 sons so much so, that I was too paranoid and neurotic.
I always said to my Mom I dont think I should have kids as I will worry too much.I was right.

I dont have grandchildren yet so cannot comment on how I will feel when the first one comes along but I dont want to spend my time worrying about them either so sometimes think I dont want to get too close to grandchildren then I wont have to worry.Silly thinking I suppose.

Friends have said to me "Just wait till you do have one ,then come back to me and say that again"

All I can say is I will do my utmost to use my time effectively,live my own life,not depend on others to
have a fulfilling life while my sons and DIL's and GC build their families.

I cant see the point in spending a whole week looking forward to seeing a GC once a week or however often.
Young people and the GC normally dont understand a grandparents feelings unless they let them know how they feel. Then they end up withdrawing more from the grandparents as they see them as encumberances rather than part of a family.

I want to fill my time enjoying what I could not do while bringing up children. I am fortunate that I do have my own hobby and business. A lot of the time mothers are left with too much time on  their hands when children leave home.

When my son left to return to the U.K. recently after being here for 3 weeks for the World cup I felt quite lost,even a bit depressed.
My house was always filled with kids,my sons and friends in and out. When they visit hearing their voices in the house and having their old school friends pop around and visit recalls the good times when they were kids.I certainly get to hear about things they got up to that I never knew about and we laugh.Yet I would not want to have them back in my home permanently.

I may sound selfish but this is my time to live my life without the responsibility of children.


July 27, 2010, 05:05:40 AM #19 Last Edit: July 27, 2010, 05:12:45 AM by cremebrulee
Hello CarolN

I really liked all the responses to your problem, however, I also liked DDM's.
that is exactly what I used to do with my GD.  Created special events for her when she was with me, and yes, it wore us both out....

Jealousy is bad, no doubt about it....however, the fact that you admit it, is paramount....try and think back to when you had your child, was your mother alive and active in your life?  Didn't you want to share your child more with her then your mil?  It wasn't intentional on your probably were not even aware of the fact that you did it, b/c it's perfectly normal to do so....a daughter grows ever so closer to her mother when she has a child....and she wants her mother there. 

Think of it this way....if you do what DDM does and did....well, frankly, your GC is gonig to have lots of fun, and remember those special things you did and look so forward to being with you.  Your GC is with your DIL's mother more, so, there is no comparisson that when your GC spends time with you and you create a day of fun and play, welll, my DIL told me that my GD looked so forward to the weekends with me, she told me my GD said...."I go play with Grandma".....

Take her swimming, if not, then get one of those small pools, make a tent out of blankets in the living room, and put blankets on the floor, let her take her nap in to her...there are all kinds of things you can do...and it brings back fond memories of your own childhood. 

If you have a spare bedroom you can make it into a child's room with just a few things like a princess canopy over her sleeping place...with a princess bed spread...
I bought a small desk and chair seat that was was unpainted so I stenciled her name across the top and the ABC's and Numbers on the bottom after painting it pink, then I put a couple of coats of sealent over top, which took a few weeks, b/c I left it get real dry and hard before I coated it again....
We fingerpainted, made sticker papers....painted...all supervised and doing it together...I didn't just sit her down in front of the TV by herself, but we did everything together and that's the key...

If your with someone all the time, it's human nature to take that time for granted....however, this will actually work towards your favor, and you will be the favorite grand ma....Every Sunday morning, as soon as my DIL would drop her off, we'd go to Friendly's for Strawberry Pancakes, then off to the park, or to a friend's home who had little children, then back home, to play, have lunch, nap....and then get up to play, go for a walk, watch Barney together and sing and dance around the coffee table, play her piano together....color together, made things for mommie...but keeping her busy and smiling was my only objective...and we really bonded...we had a good time together....don't worry about the other MIL...consentrate on making good memories for your GD when you do have her....and the rest will all fall into place.



Hi all~~Since I see there are a few new responses to the  post I wrote almost a year ago I thought I would post an update.
I know longer feel jealous of DIL's mother as I realized there is no reason to feel that way. We both love her very much and I am just enjoying the time I spend with her.  :)



Isn't it miraculous how life's lessons improve our lives...make us much more at ease? 

QuoteI don't know who said this...but...thought I'd share...
"we are not humans having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience "

Nona K

wow.. very helpful!!! I just became a first time grandmother to my son and DIL...its nothing what i expected it to be though...
I am not so much jealous but hurt...I know I have to keep busy so I wont entertain these thoughts...I guess it just hurts.
I already knew that it would be her mother getting all the attention and doing everything for her daughter...i can understand DIL really only lets her mother stay with the baby.
They came over my house and left the baby with mom instead of bringing him along :(  I know hes much too little to bring out yet...hes only two weeks but it still hurts like crazy. then to top it off mother DIL mentions mom moved babys cradle into her am I supposed to feel??!!

Nona K