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Where do I go from here?

Started by Sunny1, September 03, 2010, 08:22:26 AM

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cremebrulee

Sunny, I hope so to...you've got a whole lot of insight and awareness going here, your able to view a much larger picture, your able to see beyond your pain, beyond self...your husband doesn't know how lucky he is....

I feel sorry for him...to grow up in a situation like that...it's denial and a whole lot of conditioning...people like that, shouldn't be allowed to be parents...but there is hope, people do change, if they want it bad enough...

don't think your being sarcastic but realistic, b/c it is hard to find a good counslor, some of them tell you what you want to hear, to keep you coming back.  Me, I need a counselor that's not going to sugar coat anything, cuz I want to know her/his opinion right from the start....the faster I get to the bottom of the problem....the quicker I can correct my weaknesses...

Wishing you a whole lot of good things Sunny and you'll be in my thoughts...

when you can, I hope you come back and let us know how things are going, I know everyone here is rooting for you...

Hugs
Creme

MLW07

Sunny,

My situation is eerily similar to yours.  My husband and I have been married for 4 years and happily married for 2.  It took his mother telling him to choose either me or them to wake him up.  That day he forever changed and quit blaming me and realized how crazy his whole family is.  It took me a while to realize he is now on my side and I am now proud of the man I married.  He finally grew up and realized he had to be a man and stand up for me, him, and us. 

I promise it can get better with a little work.  I wish you luck and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

miss_priss

Sunny1 - I think you are wise to have seen just how little that counselor had to offer you.  Not all counselors are "seasoned" appropriately, and the title "counselor" does little to portray their level of knowledge and helpfulness.  Move on to counselor #2, and don't be discouraged.  Call around, get their credentials BEFORE the visit.  Most any practice is more than willing to share that with you before you make an appointment.  Those who aren't, steer clear. 

It's easy to be an emotion-less canvas when we have nothing at stake.  I was a nurse in the Army, I can relate with your ability to keep the "blank canvas."  But it's different when our very livelihoods are at stake.  You have to take it personally, you have to be angry when it's appropriate, and sad when its needed.  If you didn't, you'd be a robot.  ;)

The fact that your DH is even willing to go to counseling is a ray of hope.  Keep plugging away at it, it's not going to be easy.  But it sounds like you have gotten way past the "I'm right, she's wrong" stage, and you are in the perfect place for healing to take place. 

Hold his hand, kiss him even when you don't want to.  Just the power of human touch has so many awesome miracles within it.  Healing from emotional damage isn't meant to be as quick as physical healing, but you're in the right place.  I don't know you, but I have been praying for you, ever since your first post.  Our marriages are worth saving, and there is life after...

Sunny1

Counselor #2 is tonight. Please pray and wish us luck....I'm a little nervous. :-\

elsieshaye

Sending you good thoughts, Sunny.  I hope this counselor is someone you both can feel comfortable with.
This too shall pass.  All is well.