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Started by pam1, August 09, 2010, 09:26:50 AM

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barelythere

Quote from: Pooh on August 25, 2010, 08:53:54 AM
You are right and I am sure he has!  I would not put it past him to get the heat off him, sadly.  That was a big mistake I made when they were dating.  He would talk to me about future DIL being so selfish and childish and I agreed with him.  But even worse, I was trying to make him think and would say things like, "Yes she is.  Do you really want to spend your life with someone that is so selfish?"  And, he went and told her what I said.  Now don't get me wrong...she really is and stomped her foot and rolled her eyes at me to the point I finally told her that if she didn't stop disrespecting me, she could stay out of my house.  But everything I said during their dating and engaged time, he told her.

Now, do I wish I wouldn't have?  Yes.  But would the outcome have been the same?  Yes, because that is truly how she is and it would have been something else if it wasn't that.  But I have learned now to not say anything or agree with him.  I just don't say anything and let him vent.  It's a learning process and I am still learning.



You're brilliant, Pooh.  Hope you don't mind me saying so. It's hard not to speak the truth to your own child. After they're married, no speaking at all.  Now you know why you haven't been invited. Maybe over time, you will be allowed to see the house, you never know.  My own DIL's Mother insists God speaks to her, which He may do but when He speaks to her involving our unmarried son at the time, it's hard to ignore. I told him I thought she was nuts. She is nuts, not because God speaks to her but because she thinks He speaks only to her and no one else.  That was my downfall.

Pen

This is all so sad and unnecessary, isn't it? I'm in a similar situation, BT and Pooh. No invites or calls unless DIL is out of town. I've not bothered them, dropped by, manipulated holidays, or any of that evil stuff. We wait until we get lucky. It hurts.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Pooh

August 25, 2010, 11:54:11 AM #32 Last Edit: August 25, 2010, 11:56:32 AM by Pooh
Thank you barely but I am far from brilliant.  I am just still learning to love from afar, but thank you for the compliment.

It does hurt Pen and is all so unnecessary.  I think my Mother summed it up best for me when I was talking to her about it.  She said, he is trapped.  He loves his wife and he loves you.  He knows no matter what he does to you, you will continue to love him but she can always say, see ya!

I am not excusing his behavior, he is still very wrong, but it did make me think. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell