Daughter

[irenic]

It is been a few weeks since I posted anything.  My daughter has still had no contact with me, she has taken me off her facebook, doesn't list me as her parent any longer nor
her brother.  She lists her sibling that died in 1977 as her sibling.  I am still so ultimately bewildered by her behavior.  She last texted me that she needed to recover from her childhood, and she was told not to talk to me any longer by her counselor.
Her childhood was one of fun, brownie troop, made her costumes for every halloween, had her friends all at our house all the time.  She complimented me
some months ago during the one visits we had that I had done so muoch for her, and then now there is no contact.  She has aligned herself with my ex (her father)
who is the most wicked, evil man alive.  That is the absolute truth!  He told her it was my fault he hadn't had anythihg to do with her for the last 18 years!  He never showed up
for her wedding, never lifted a finger to help her at all the whole time, and its my fault.  She blames me for everything!!  He as so verbally abusive to me and to her, and she
has said that so often, but now he is the saint in her life.  I am dumbfounded, stunned this has happened, and she will not allow me to see myi 3 grandkids.

I guess I am venting, we all have our downs and ups and the hurt and pain, but today it hurts so much more, I miss my grandkids so much.

Any suggestions anyone?

[luise.volta]

There is no logic in it and it happens so often. My heart goes out to you. Sending love...

[Nana]

Irenic"

I was thinking about you today.  I realized you had not posted for some time.   I am sorry for what is happening with your daughter.  I do know how difficult it must be not seeing your three gc. 

You are very strong and a self-motivated person so you will move on as you always have.    It hurts...but again....you have your own life and friends and have to let go for a while.    I was reading a post who said that things have to get worst to start getting better. 

Venting is the only thing we can sometimes do.  I am so very glad we have each other to support and encourage  in tough times.   

Tomorrow will be a new day and you never know what it might bring.

Hugs for you

Rosie

[cremebrulee]

Hello
I'm glad to see you back posting...and am so sorry for the pain your going thru.
I'm wondering, if your daughter unfortunately picked up your ex's personality, b/c she was growing up with him in your home?  It's most unfortunate...and will effect her the rest of her life in all relationships she has, and perhaps you might want to point that out to her...I would also tell her you'd like to go to counseling with her...you love her, you always will and you'd like to find out what it is that is causing all these problems and her awful anger.  She is obviously very angry, and perhaps she doesn't know why herself...this kind of thing doesn't just happen, it's built up and built up over days, weeks, months even years....something happened to cause her to feel this way...and if he is constantly putting her down, that has to have caused a lot of damage. 

I would definitely try very hard to get into counseling with her...tell her you not only want a peaceful relationship, but you fear, if you and she do not get to the bottom of this, she is going to have problems the rest of her life.  Explain to her, that how she thinks and  feels effects everyone around her, and eventually when she Marries it will effect her husband, children, etc....tell her this is a problem....and it's not just about you...but her whole outlook...tell her..."I bet your angry sometimes and you don't even know why".  Tell her you care so much...you want her to be happy...that's all a parent could want...and you won't always be around so, while your here you would very much like to resolve these problems....and learn with her, how to deal with it. 

Yes, she may get very angry and storm out....but the one saving grace is, she is going to counseling now...which means, she is well aware that she has problems....perhaps she is angry at herself for something and this anger she is directing at you is misdirected, and to, and please understand, I'm not trying to hurt you or insult you, but perhaps she has a valid reason why she is angry at you, and this has to come out...so you can work on it yourself....perhaps she is angry at the way you and her father go at each other or have in the past...She says she is well aware of his verbal abuse...and if he is God awful evil, this has had to have some huge repercussions on her.

I really do hope and pray that this will be resolved...hang tough...and stay focused...and do diligent for both your sakes.  It may change things for the better....she will reject you, due to the anger....she will become very angry when you try and talk to her...she may even say horrible things....understand, she's very angry....don't take it personal and cave....stay tough and continually tell her you love her and support her, but you both need to get into counseling together....and if she rejects you, find out what counselor she's going to, and get yourself in there....you don't have to go together to the same appointment, however, just start going....this will help the counselor see both perspectives...and then he will be more knowledgeable into how to direct you both...eventually, he will ask you to both come in together...

What do you think?  I'm also interested in getting the other ladies perspectives on this...but I believe this is your only recourse...it's all you have, however, it's a good one to get involved in....

Good luck and please keep posting...don't worry about venting, it's good to do....Hugs and love
Creme