My 16 year old son has barely spoken to me in 2 years.

[fruhmom]

 My now 16 year old son was arrested for having sex with a boy younger than him while living at his fathers two years ago. His grandma has him living at her house from the courts because I have a younger son. My son was talking to me at first now he won't speak to me and blames me. Says the things I talk about are stupid and his step mom has been more of a mother to him than me. He never returns my phone calls, barely talks to me on the phone, says he's tired of my crap.  Emotionally I have been a wreck through all this on the verge of a nervous breakdown two years ago and have come a long way.  I can tell when my son says things to me and they are not coming from him. Recently we sent some emails back to each other and they were very harsh, I just can't take the way he's treating me anymore for not doing anything but trying to be there. I too am tired of people telling me to wait. His counselor told me to let go. I have not been shared with anything that has gone on with him through the courts, I have been made the outcast in my sons life by his father, step mother and grandma because I blame them for all of this. 
Very hurt, confused and lost.

[Pooh]

Welcome Fruhmom.  I have not dealt with anything like this, but from reading your post, it sounds like your son is already in counseling, which was going to be my suggestion.  I think you need to seek your own counselor to try and work through your anger and pain.  This is a tough situation for anyone to go through and you need professional help to work through the issues and to relieve some of your stress.  Sounds like there is a lot of blame being passed around and that is not healthy for anyone.

Best of luck.

[fruhmom]

There is a lot of blame going around. I've even in the past year not talked about anything but what would be of interest to him but I still get no where. I feel as though my own son has been brain washed against me. If I am on their terms and friends with them then all is okay. In my head and gut it's not, there is just too much covering up going on.  I have been through counseling myself which helped a great deal. The group counseling doesn't seem to be enough for my son from which I can see but seems to me I have no say in anything.  I feel like writing my son and then just keeping my distance and hoping that one day he will seek me out. He may never know the truth or want to, it's very hard for me for I have always had an open & honest relationship with my boys and step sons.

[DDM]

Hi Fruhmom. I'm glad you have come. I can tell you are in a lot of pain. I'm very sorry. It's really hard to know why your son has shut you out. He obviously has a lot going on in his life. He is also very young and may not have a very clear or mature perspective on things. To be honest, if I were you, I would be out TODAY hiring a lawyer. As his mother you have every right to be informed about all the court proceedings as well as any medical care or councilling  he is receiving. Whatever your current relationship is with your son, you still have to make sure his best interests are being looked after - legally, physically and emotionally.

[luise.volta]

It keeps coming up for me that the mom is to blame for just about everything. She gives the most and then she's to blame because it wasn't enough or it wasn't right.

We can't fix it here but we can care. We can understand and we can listen. Your own healing is where we are focused...no matter how little sense others make in your life, we are here for you. Sending love...

[fruhmom]

Thank you everyone for all your information and kind words.  Unfortunately I have been to several attorneys and still seem to get no farther than when I started.  Money of course is their first priority and can well drain you but I may still go seek an attorney to let them know what is going on and see if anything can be done for me.  It's a ridiculous situation that should never be like this but does make us stronger in the end.

Thanks once again.