Son-n-law

[shi30ro]

Hello. Im new. Im hoping someone else has had a similar issue.  Its hard to know how to explain without typing a novel! Lol.  Its in regards to my new son-in-law of two + years. He is very different from us but i have made it a point to try and get to know and understand him.  He has been caught doing some things that has made me not care to be around him.  But as a mom I know i need to keep trying.I have gone out of my comfort zone to accept him.  He did something recently that will be very difficult to forget. It was the last straw so to speak.  Right now I do not want him in my home.  I love my daughter and we have always had a solid relationship.    After an incident in my home when  my sil completely came unhinged and had to be restrained as he raised his fist to me and was verbally insulting. I cannot have him in my home.  At least not until he gets himself together.    He had been calling me mom and if he wants me to be a mom to him then I cannot reward his bad behavior.  Suffice it to say it was very bad.  They live 2.5 hours away.  all of my kids come home alot. They grew up here and have all their friends here. Its their home but not their house. All my kids are independent and have good careers and are fun to be with.  We share similar interests and hobbies. We have loads of fun. They call home and FaceTime or text. ..  A day doesn't go by that they arent present in our lives.  We are a very close family.  I have some theories about sil behavior that seem logical given his background. I can forgive him and be loving to him as long as he understands his actions will not be tolerated.    I dont need an apology from him, i need for him to know that he knows why he has been acting out while taking responsibility for his actions. I can accept him as a son but he can not misbehave in my home and be disrespectful.    I hate that Im hurting my sweet daughter and it has been a month since the incident and nothing has changed. I have not spoken to sil.  Havent seen him.  He knows he is in denial and is under the opinion that i will accept his actions so I wont loose my daughter.  the only way sil will be welcome by us is if he shows he can be civil and respectful.

[Stilllearning]

Hello S!!  I am glad you found us!  We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.

I am so sorry that you are in such an untenable situation!  The problem for me was that I had to wait for my DS to make the decision to get out of his abusive marriage (it was emotional abuse but abuse just the same).  I am not sure how I would have handled it if it had been physical but I know that you should not have to put up with abuse.  The hardest part for me was pulling back and letting my DS learn his own lessons.  It hurt to be so distant from him and my grands and it hurt even more when I checked on Facebook and found out how much time the other grandparents got.  I spent 10 years watching from the sidelines and trying my best NOT to think about it.  This year he finally left her and I am loving getting to know my DS and his two daughters finally!!

Stand up for your rights!  You have the right to be treated civilly especially in your own home!  Hang in there!

Hugs!