September 22, 2023, 08:45:35 PM


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SIL Trucker

Started by Toddy, August 01, 2021, 05:37:28 AM

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I am new here and find myself struggling.  My SIL is a trucker only home maybe 6 days a month.  He has to do long distant trucking due to injuries and he is not the professional white collared man.  He is a good provider and I give him credit where he deserves it.  But he messes up in his marriage and then he spins and there is no stopping.  This is what happened.  At a truck stop someone appeared saying they was from the DEA and he said he verified his badge on google.  The man convinced him to take out $300 and put in gift cards and tried to get him to empty his bank accounts.  He wanted her to empty accounts but she instead when to the police department and they backed up and ran.  Needless to say there was no money on gift cards because he took pictures of it and sent it to them with codes.    Now mind you for 10 years my daughter has taken care of business after another major issue.  Thats another whole story. 
My SIL is so jealous that my daughter spends her time with me while he is away.  She has two boys age 7 and 9.  Guess who helps when she needs something.  Or even if he does?  Me.  But he is upset that his boys are close to me.  I just dont know what to do.  I told my daughter do what you need to do that its her family and if she can make it work it would be good for the kids as well.  So I have backed up away and its killing me.  She feels like i abandoned her but that is far from the case.  I am just trying to give her space to work out what she needs.  I love my SIL but why?  I dont get why I am the scapegoat?  I worked my whole life to be close to my kids and am close to my son also.  Why am I being punished?  Why is she hurting and has no body and he is happy?  Something is wrong with that issue.  All he does is yells and the boys dont even care if he comes home. Its so sad they need a father.  I know this sounds crazy and i sit here crying.  Heck I can even post pictures or things about grandsons because he is upset that he might not have known it first.  Lord i thought if i shared things he could be closer to them....but no my intentions of good is taken as bad.  So i no longer post about my grandsons.  10 years..and this is second time he has spun in circles.  How much damage is going to be done this time?  He pushes her to work.. How he isn't home to help?  What if boys got sick? Pandemic she fixes everything at home replaces toilets in the home I have helped with their house so when he comes home he is free to be with them.  And I totally back away for them to have their time?  And here I am .....shaking my head not understanding.....and hurting for my daughter.....Sorry I am a mess.....thanks for letting me vent in a safe I dont want to hurt anyone and want the best for them.


Hi T!!  I am glad you found us!  We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.

That male ego is something, isn't it?  He is hurt by the knowledge that his wife (your DD) is smarter than he is.  That is a hard cookie for him to swallow.  It does sound like he is taking out his insecurities on you and your DD.  That, of course, is neither here nor there and there is no way for you to "fix" it the same way that there was no way to "fix" my DS's marriage to an emotionally abusive spouse.  Many of us have had to pull back and have suffered the same heart wrenching sadness that you are enduring now.  It really stinks and it is totally unfair but I couldn't find any way to avoid it.

I finally came to the realization that I deserved better.  I have done my job and raised my children and now is my time to enjoy life.  It took time but eventually I learned how to pull my mind back from the swirling and hopeless thoughts that would pull me into the massive depression that consumed my every second (I now call that 'the abyss').  You can learn how to also.  My three mantras are on many posts and I am sure people are tired of hearing them so I will not repeat them here.  If you read very many posts I am sure you will have read them.  You deserve to enjoy your life.  Your DD's lessons are her own to learn and it is not your job to insulate her from those lessons.  She will find her own way.  Good luck!!

Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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