September 22, 2023, 03:59:03 PM


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Abusive DS

Started by Devonidle, June 21, 2021, 01:00:35 PM

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I've just found this group & already feel less alone.
My DS has a nasty habit of sending vile abusive text messages whilst drinking.
He literally torments me blaming me for every perceived wrong in his life.
I have 2 daughters & my DS is the youngest. I suffered extreme emotional, physical abuse from both of my parents from my earliest memory untill the day I got on a truck for a lift to the other end of the country at 22. As abused people do I entered a abusive relationship & had my 3 children, I fled for my life & my children's safety from the relationship, changed names DOB became anonymous, I also got some very serious trauma therapy & with my 3 children started to build a life. They were the centre of my world & our lives were fairly normal untill my DS hit his teens. All 3 were aware their names had been changed & they were under court order of protection from their father, my son started using this as a weapon to beat me with. Everything that has ever gone wrong for him is blamed on myself. By 16 he was getting into serious problems with police & drinking heavily. I have tried everything to encourage him to find his thing in life, paid for collage supporting his every choice, usually this was met with verbal abuse & gaslighting me. Age 21 he left home to work abroad me & my long suffering partner paid his expenses to start new job... needless to say he got fired for drunken abusive behaviour. He continued to live his life from job to job for a further 2 years & all the while sending me & my DDs horrendous vile txts & voicemails. Life became a living hell & I made the decision to remove myself & my DDs to block & delete him. I literally fell apart with the weight of guilt, but my DDs thrived & I could enjoy their lives without fear of how my DS would perceive our relationships & try to destroy it. We were estranged for 5 years until his now partner contacted me, 2 years on my relationship with my DS is back to his vile txt abuse, he & his partner literally dragged details of my past out of me, as his drinking was a result of my childhood trauma, this included a forced pregnancy by my parents, something only my therapist knew as it was so painful for me & shameful too. My DS has now spent the last weekend abusing me, I am now walking away permanently, he & his partner are 8 months pregnant & I am still leaving this toxic relationship. I can't fix him & I cannot stay even if there's a Grandbaby arriving. The pain is horrendous raw & all the shame I felt in my childhood floods back, but I will survive. So Thankyou for allowing me to share.


Hi D!!  We are glad that you found us!  We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you!  We try our best to insulate our children from the horrors of abuse.  Often times they see the abuse through childlike eyes and make assumptions with their very young brains that are completely incomprehensible to us as adults.  We cannot  change their minds no matter how hard we try or how reasonable we are.

It really sounds like you know exactly what we are going to say.  You deserve better than you are getting.  Your DS has his own life lessons to learn and anything you do to try to help him will only interfere with the lessons he has to learn.  You and your DDs should have the opportunity to enjoy your lives.  So go out there and enjoy!!

Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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