November 29, 2020, 06:13:35 pm

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Youngest Adult Daughter - Contacts me after 4 years of no contact - not good

Started by Susan E., October 28, 2020, 02:59:32 pm

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Susan E.

I haven't posted on WWU for awhile.  I have 2 adult daughters in their 40's.  Relationship with oldest is hot/cold on/off - currently off - haven't had any communication since July 2019.  Relationship with youngest went south about 6 years ago, took me by surprise. She accused me of mistreating her - actually - projecting her own nasty behavior on me.  About 4 years ago I reached out to her through email, and received a very nasty cruel reply from her, basically telling me to eff off and drop dead. The purpose of my post today is regarding my youngest AD.  I received an email from her yesterday, I haven't responded or called her.  Her email was brief but the gist of it is she's in trouble of some kind (I'm assuming financial) and terrified that she "may" have to move next week to a homeless shelter. She said she "doesn't know what the right thing to say is". (?)  She left her phone number and said she hopes I'm doing ok through all this Covid mess. 
I'm trying not to go off the deep end with this (I'm prone to anxiety - so its a challenge).  Bottom line is - assuming she's looking for a bail-out - I live alone and like it that way and I am definitely NOT in the lending business (bank).   I'm not responsible to fixing anyone or bailing anyone out.  This sounds cold and uncaring - but I'm not.  I love both girls, but I need to protect myself.  I'm 70 years old with very few friends, living on a pension.  I don't know what she's been involved in (drugs?) to get into this "situation".  I guess things would be a little easier now if the past 4 years were not a total mystery.  Right now - I need encouragement to be strong.  Giving in and offering my couch, food and money will not do any good for either one of us.  Help, please?

Stilllearning

Hi S!  It is good to hear from you!  Man oh man has 2020 been a horrible year!  So many people have lost their jobs and the senate just went on vacation instead of passing an aid package for the people who are unemployed.  It could be that your DD is just one of the millions who worked in the hospitality industry or somewhere else where businesses are falling like flies and there is no job that the unemployed people are qualified for.  It is such a mess!  I would hesitate to blame your DD's situation on anything other than a once in a hundred year pandemic.  The situation is really dire for many young people.

I would have to call her and find out what was happening.  Maybe she doesn't need as much as you think she does.  Maybe your elder DD is in a position to help her.  The first step is to assess the situation and you cannot do that without calling.  Hugs!!

By the way I had to edit the religion out of your post.  We do not allow it here.  Sorry.
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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