November 27, 2020, 06:03:27 pm

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Munchausen syndrome by proxy

Started by Stilllearning, July 22, 2020, 06:59:30 pm

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Stilllearning

It has been a long time since I posted (other than a reply) but I am really in a quandary right now.  A little background is in order.  My granddaughter has been ( according to her mother) having seizures.  No one in my family has actually witnessed them although my DS has stated that they are "very hard to recognize unless you are looking for them",  I have been looking for them but so far I have not seen anything, but admittedly I am not around her that often.  Last week she (according to her mother) had a series of seizures that caused her to loose her memory of recent events (ie. going to the grocery store) and "change her personality" to the point where my DIL took her to the ER.  Now things get convoluted.  The ER physician ordered an EEG, but when they called the residing pediatric neurologist he/she said not to do it.  They waited until the next day to do the EEG.  My DIL has been so exasperated with the local pediatric neurologist that she has taken my granddaughter to the state capitol to see a pediatric neurologist there.  Since there was no EEG run on admission for my granddaughter the pediatric neurologist in the state capitol  has told my DS/DIL that the one the hospital ran here (12 hours later) is worthless.  Now my DS is considering moving to the state capital so that they can get help faster than driving 5 hours and leaving his business which is just starting to take off.

I really think my DIL has Munchausen by proxy but I cannot call anyone to report it because I risk losing my son forever.  I am going to make an appointment with my primary care physician (who has known me and my DH for a long time) and explain my delima.  Other than calling the Department of Family and Children Services do you have any advice?  I can't see letting my grandchildren die because I did nothing but I really don't want to lose my DS.  Help!! 

Please reply if you have any insights!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

luise.volta

I had to look up that diagnosis. To me, you are wise to address this first with your own doc. I do see the strong possibility of losing your son if you proceed...and can relate to your fears if you don't. I think I would ask your primary care physician to contact the neurologist and alert him/her of your observations and ask for total confidentiality. It seems to me specialists must run across this often enough to be on guard. That's an assumption, of course. My heart goes out to you.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Stilllearning

Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Snowb

Hello Stilllearning and Louise,
This is my first post, though I have been reading here for the last three or four years. This site has been a lifesaver for me!

I am an RN, and many years ago when I worked in a hospital, we had a little boy who's mother was known to have Munchausen by Proxy. His chart was about 12 inches thick! Our only job was to keep him comfortable while social services and the doctors dealt with the mother. She was known all over our large city at all the various hospitals. The doctors and hospitals had all communicated with each other to prevent this child from suffering any more tests or procedures. These mothers apparently love the attention they receive when their child is ill. It is child abuse that is often unrecognized and it's horrible.

I think it's a great idea for you to speak to your doctor. He/she may have connections that can help. You may also be able to leave an anonymous tip with a patient advocate at the hospital where your grandchild is taken. Most large hospitals have patient advocates on staff. At least they do in my state.

Like I said, this website has helped me so much! I think Louise should write a book with all her words of wisdom. I can't thank you enough for keeping this site going. I will try and work on my own post. I am trying so hard to focus on the positive in my life. It's been a tough year!

Snowb

Sorry for the large font! Not sure how to change it?

Stilllearning

Snowb.....thank you so much for your kind reply.  I have made an appointment with my doctor and will discuss it with her.  I can only hope that it will help but my DIL has started taking my grandchild to a bigger city 5 hours away because she is not getting the responses she craves locally.  I am not positive that my doctor has any pull in that city but we shall see.

As for this website, it saved my life and my marriage.  This was the first place I ever felt supported in my plight and the first place where I heard that I was not helpless.  I really thought that since I had no control over what was happening in my DS's life I was just doomed to stand by and be tortured by the choices he was making.  It never occurred to me that he had his own lessons to learn and I was no longer responsible for saving him from making mistakes.  It was here that I learned that my work as a parent was done.  I now stand on the sidelines and only help when asked (and if I can).

It has been a tough year for all of us.  We are dealing not only with the pandemic but also the loneliness caused by isolating ourselves.  I quit my job in childcare because it was like working in a petri dish and I have been home with my DH since April.  I cannot imagine how lonely people who do not have a significant other are.  I know of one separated father who committed suicide when he was denied the possibility of seeing his children.  This is a horrible time and it makes it all the more important that we spend some time enjoying ourselves and actively trying to make ourselves happy.  When we are happy we make the people around us happy.  It grows!

I can't change your font for you.  You must have composed in another program and the cut and pasted your first post.  It is OK.  I don't feel like you were yelling, I promise!!  LOL

Keep reading and feel free to post anytime.  Luise has some wonderfully calming advice!  Ask me how I know!!

(Hugs!)
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown