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Youngest daughter expecting baby, very little communication

Started by Karina53, February 21, 2020, 12:34:22 pm

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Karina53

Dear Wise Women, I am not sure how to handle this situation, but have some ideas. I've been reading everyone else's situations with their AC's and can relate. My youngest AD is 32 and has been married for 9 years. They are expecting their first child in April. I am happy for them, but not sure how to interact with her. Ever since she got married, she has treated me differently. I don't know why, but do know she and her MIL have grown quite close. I've met her MIL and she is a very nice person. I like her. It seems that my DD has pushed me to the side and done some rather mean things. Growing up and early adulthood we were very close, though she has always been a challenge. I've often wondered if she might be bi-polar, though not in extreme manner. I'm usually one of the last people now to find out what's going on with her. She had a miscarriage earlier and told other family members about it, including her older sister and 12-year old niece, but I was the last to know. Also when she became pregnant, my husband (her dad) were some of the last to know. I am hurt. And she has a baby registry on-line, we bought a baby bed through it (I had to ask about the registry), she communicates briefly her thanks, but that's it. I asked her about visiting when he is born, she tells me that her MIL will be there for the first week, but has no preference for when we should come. She says to do whatever we want. I want to be there for her, but seems like she doesn't really care one way or the other. She's very non-commital. I'm torn about when to visit, etc. They are about 400 miles away. I will need to find housesitter ahead of time for our animals. I feel sad about all of this. I am close to my OD and her 2 daughters and am in their lives. Thanks for any insight into this situation.

luise.volta

Hello, K. The only thing I can offer that I learned very painfully through my relationship with my eldest son is that it wasn't about me. He just made it
look like that. I thought it was...so I thought there was something I could do
about the estrangement and firmly believed I had a chance with my grandsons.
Not so on both counts. For me, it was very hard to get that my son was an adult and got to make up whatever perceptions suited him. My other son would take a 
bullet for me...which left me even more confused. Given no choice, I honored
my eldest son's mandates and we managed to be polite strangers. All I can add
is you and I did our best and for a long time that looked good enough, right? Since my best is all I had to give, I opted to pass on what I experienced as abuse. I chose self-respect and have focused my life on what brings me joy.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama