September 20, 2019, 12:27:07 pm

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Silent treatment from daughter.

Started by Sotiredofdrama, September 10, 2019, 10:43:09 am

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Sotiredofdrama

First posting ever,  only because friends and family aren't sure why my 28yr old likes to give me silent treatment on the regular.

I'll just wait it out..again.But with each time (varying from 6 months to 8 months), I get tired of referencing,well this and that happened during your silent treatment, OR I don't even want to bother explaining anything because I don't know when the next silent treatment will start.
If I flick her off she'll say.. "Well I guess the last silent treatment wasn't painful enough.." And then she shuts down.

This most recent shut down occurred when I disagreed with her up and leaving to go live in  Salt Lake City.
( she moved back home to NYC 8 months ago from VA so she has no overhead and can concentrate on finishing her online degree in psychology. She works 30hrs.so she can payoff her high credit card balances) Still not finished with her degree, she wants to move to Utah to ski and do outside activities.
I told her the expenses will be too high and it'll be like VA all over again. Money issues and I pay and pay because I do...
Her Dad ( I'm divorced) is a pediatrician  but she doesn't like him either and hasn't talked to him in over a year.

He hasn't spoken to me in 27 yrs. So I know it's a learned behavior she has.

I just feel good letting this out on a digitized paper format.

Not sure if anyone has the answer, but I feel a bit better.
Thank you.
 

Stilllearning

Welcome S!!  We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.

I have gotten "the silent treatment" before and it really stinks!  I finally got tired of letting my DS make me feel that way and I stopped.  I know it sounds weird but "the silent treatment" only works if you let it.  If you can tell yourself 'no news is good news' and just ignore the fact that they are not talking to you the sting in "the silent treatment" disappears like magic.  When they start talking to you if you act like you never noticed it kind of takes the wind out of their sails.  It takes practice but it worked for me.  Good luck!

On the other front your daughter sounds like she has lessons (economic ones) to learn.  When my DS started making bad decisions I found that I just could not watch without saying anything.  Luckily "the silent treatment" made it so that I was not finding out about any of his bad decisions until they were done deals.  He has learned a lot since I started letting go and so have I.  His problems are his and he does not ask for help except in the most extreme circumstances.  Fortunately I have been able to help him once or twice.  He understands that that will not always be the case.  It is amazing how much he has matured since I stopped stepping in to fix things.  I am really proud of him now.

Remember that you deserve to be happy!!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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luise.volta

Welcome, S. I found it really hard to see my grown sons as adults. To me, they are still my 'kids' and probably always will be. What finally work regarding money, was to state when there was no financial crisis, that I had gotten to where I knew I wasn't respecting them as adults when I stepped in and rescued them...and so their next step was going to be to learn to manage their own finances and to face the consequences if they didn't. To that end, I asked not to be advised of their ups and downs any more than I discussed mine with them. No exceptions, ever, and that has worked. It wasn't easy for me at first and my guess is that was true for them, too, but we held our own counsel. It's been many years that their success has been evident. I do comment on that! Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama