September 22, 2023, 10:12:43 PM


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DIL abused as child, I get the backlash

Started by NanaNae, July 15, 2019, 10:55:52 AM

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My Dil was sexually abused as a child. After many years, her mother gave custody to her grandparents. She hasn't seen her mother since she was 9. She is 21,a mother to my precious 3 year old Gd, but has serious mental illness. She went off all her medications months ago. I love her dearly. I've told her that I consider her the daughter I never had. Somehow though, I am the enemy. One minute she loves me, the next she's upset with me because one of my friends commented on a FB picture how much my gd looks like me. She said it's rude of them to leave out her mom and dad's influences when they comment. Another friend mentioned how Gd was a good girl and got her love for Jesus from her Nana. We had gd birthday party at our home. All went well. Until people started commenting on the pictures she posted. I'm not at fault here but I'm left to be the bad guy. I've apologized. I bend over backwards to keep drama to a minimum. I hate walking on eggshells. Our family Dynamics have changed considerably since they married. My son has no say in anything they do. She's a stay at home mom but sleeps all day. Her GP care for gd.(She had them move in with her GP after living in my deceased mother's newly renovated home rent free) because she let it get so piled up with junk. Instead of cleaning it up, she ran away from it and there it sits with all their belongings still in it. When son comes home from work, he has to clean, cook, run errands and care for gd. That's how she was raised around her GP and GM. Gp still does all the work while gm sits on the couch and yells and tells him what to do next. She must be in control of all situations. My family means the world to me. I know I'm not perfect, but Jesus loves me and I strive daily to be more like Him. My husband is ESRF. I have a lot on my plate as it is. It would be wonderful if I had the support and love of my son and dil instead of trying to hold it all together and make sure she doesn't get mad or upset about something that doesn't really make any sense. We are just a typical middle class Christian functional family who have never experienced anything like this before. I do live with the fear that she could snap at any moment and we'd never see our sweet gd again. I'm tired. It's always a mind game with her. She goes to a Christian counselor as do I. I don't know what else I can do to show her that I love her. I haven't given all the scenarios obviously, but this is just a drop in the bucket. Our family desperately needs prayer. We need a move of God to break the chains that bind my dear Dil. Thank you for listening but most of all thank you for taking our lil family to the Throne of Jesus! Any suggestions would be appreciated as well. Thank you and God bless you all!


Dear N, The issues you describe are beyond the scope of our Website. There are no professionals here. All we can do is share our own experiences and hope they help when there is no crisis surfacing that appears to need intervention. When I feel more is needed, I close the thread after recommending a counselor. I'm in your corner 100%!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Dear NanaNae
I have also been dealing with a DIL similarly to yours. It is the reason I discovered this site tonight & joined this group.  I'm baffled about how to deal with it.  It hurts a lot. Have you learned anything that helps ?  I am so sorry that you've experienced this emotional abusiveness also.  I know how much it hurts. Blessings & hugs to you !


Welcome, LF! You can go to her post and reply. That way you can interact with each other. My take is we did our best. Now our adult children get to stop blaming as a way to put off maturing. The ball is in their court. Many hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama