My husband and I took a stand against rejecting daughter.

[tigerdpaws]

  My husband and I love our 32 year old daughter very much. But, everytime she gets a new boyfriend, she introduces us to them, and it is nice, then she puts us down to them and they reject us because she rejects us behind our backs. I hope you guys understand what I am trying to say. She will not say what she thinks to us, she projects her anger to her boyfriends and then they act out her anger. I found this out when she was married, he stopped talking to us, did not know why, we asked, but she said she did not know. That ended in divorce for her. Next boyfriend, he was mean to me, not to my husband, just me. I told my husband, she hates me and I have no clue as to why. He really did not believe me. She e-mailed me and told me I did not go to her first wedding, and I told her I was never invited, she was lying to me. To make me look bad. This third guy came into the picture, super nice and we really liked  him. On May first of this year we went over to her house and my husband took him to the ice cream stand to get us all a cone. When my husband got back he was mad and I did not know why. So her boyfriend gets her new camera out and puts us on the tv with it and and told my husband: ewwww, you got something on your face". I told him that was enough, my husband asked him if he had anything else to say, and we got up and left...My husband then told me on the ride home that my daughters boyfriend was driving her car like a maniac and he told him to stop. Her boyfriend told my husband, "She, (my daughter) said, she was going to put us "two old fogies" in a nursing home". Then he said, me and my husband were scraping the bottom of the bucket. Had my husband told me while we were at their house, her boyfriend would have been wearing his ice cream. This is where the fun really starts...my husband said he was going to call her when he got home. He asked her about what her boyfriend said, and she told him we did not know how it was over there, my husband said, "put him on the phone" and I will find out. She hung up. But, my husband had alot more to say, just cant go into detail. She has been treating us like strangers ever since she was 13, that is when her uncle, started buying them booze and stealing from us. Right now, I have no desire to see my daughter. She needs to learn respect. My husband and I finally stood up against her. We sent her house keys back to her, no note , no explanation. I say let her go. I have cried enough tears over her hatred for me. she will not change, I cannot change her and we are living our life very happily. If she likes living in misery that is her. When my daughter had her back surgery, I was there, she would not let me touch her or help her. She threw all the meds I bought for her away, we bought her groceries, I waited on her hand and foot, she told the neighbor girl things about me, because her neighbor told me, right in front of her, but because I loved her, I stayed all night anyway. I will never do it again.. I saw the hatred she had for me. You have to learn to let them go and get on with your life. My husband is making me a worshop in his garage to sew and make quilts..I am a human being too, and so are all the rest of you!!! Make your life count, dont let them have control of your emotions, they dont own you, and you dont own them....Be happy, learn to love what you are and what you do! GOD BLESS

[luise.volta]

I agree that once our children become adults all bets are off. They may meet our expectations or not...and we may meet theirs or we may not. There's no telling. And yes, we raise them but life is not over when they are gone. Sending love...

[BellaTerra66]

Amen.

[tigerdpaws]

My husband has two brothers who act the same way our daughter does......they rejected their mom because she was poor and did not know alot of things. The things the one guy did to her were unimagainable and I will be dog gone if I allow that to happen to me and my husband. My daughter had it good growing up, she never liked the fact that we love God so much. She can have that attitude, she is an adult...I choose not to be that way and I was hated by my mom and she still does things to me that I cannot explain, but I still love her, she is my mom....she gets mad at me all the time, but I let it go...I am 52 and I love God and my life more than ever, regardless of what family or friends think of me.....God gave me my life....and I want to give Praise to Him forever for that...Had He not Created me, I would never have know the love of Him or anything.....I can look at the blue sky and I can feel the grass beneath my feet and I can smell the sweet smell of flowers aand rain because God is......That is why I am alive and that s why I can let go of someone who hates me, even if it is my own flesh and blood....God Love You All!!!!!

[luise.volta]

Good for you for knowing that what others say and do has nothing to do with you...and what you say and do makes all the difference.  Sending love...

[Nana]

I agree with you.  My God is me shepherd....nothing will falter me lol.   When I am sad or have woes I turn to God and put myself in his hands. 

Before we had children we lived probably happy.  If we dont have them anymore we also have a valuable and precious life to live because it was given to us because we are special and unique.  At least God thinks so lol. 

Now remember the saying Ïf life gives you Lemons, make lemonade (something like that). 
You stil have your husband to love and take care of.

Good luck....hugs

[tigerdpaws]

Luise you are a sweetheart! I found you when I had a Blackberry phone and I made every effort to read every word you wrote because I was so lost about what my daughter was doing. After reading a lot of your articles I realized that, just because we are parents, does not make us perfect , it only makes us human. Parents are people too, with all our misgivings our mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes, I had never been a mom before, and those things are held against me.....but it does not matter, I did the best I could with the knowledge I had, I am not unforgiving to myself or to others.....so I love life... Thank you also nana.....! We are all very, very special to God, let us not forget that we are truly a miracle........

[luise.volta]

How kind you are.  Thank you.

Have you been to my other Website or is that what you are referring to when you mention my articles (as opposed to my posts?) I you haven't been there, go to: www.MomResponds.com. A lot of my 1134 answers over the last five years have addressed the subject of relationships with adult children. They are my most frequently asked questions. Sending love...

[tigerdpaws]

I read a lot of your articles on questions and answers, this is the first time I have been to your post's. I just got the internet back on my home pc and your websites are the ones I looked up first, because I had read only your articles on my Blackberry and that was difficult...The article you wrote on your son is the one that made me cry and start thinking....you have done an excellant job on your website..I love it, I refer to it often when I let things get to me.....Luv Ya!

[luise.volta]

Wonderful!  I wonder which article that was abut which son?   

[tigerdpaws]

Hi Luise, I read about your your younger son who helped you with your website......I cried because I dont know what it would feel like if my daughter would help me with something like that. Because I asked her too and she yelled at me and told me to figure it out myself. There was just something about the fact that he helped you, and was kind.....and I envy that.

[luise.volta]

Ah, that's Kirk. He has posted under "Open First" and his picture is there. He lives in Kauai but comes here to Washington state for the hot summer months.  You are right, we are wonderful friends

My elder son, Dwight, who died in 2000 of sleep apnea at age 52, saw me as the mother-from-hell... and then married the DIL from hell. So I have lived on both sides of this issue. Sending love...

[tigerdpaws]

That is why I love your site. I read aabout your 52 year old son too, you will never know how much your site gave me wisdom, understanding, and compassion....Only God Himself will ever know how much you have helped me.  My daughters great grandmother on my husbands side was a witchcraft worker, if she did not like you, she would salt your tracks so you would not come back....she was very mean to my husbands whole family except , of course her son, my now deceased father-in-law. Vey mean to my mother-in-law, my father-in-law was a demon, and my daughter adored him. When she was 15 or 16 she got into witchcraft also, hence the reason, I think she hates us.....she never really gave it up....you are such a valuable gift to my soul......your site is my favorite! Favorite! site...

[luise.volta]

People sometimes make strange choices (long detours) on their path "home." All we can do is try to do better and if possible, stay out of their way.

Glad my sites are a "fit" for you! 

[stilltryen]

Ah, that's Kirk. He has posted under "Open First" and his picture is there. He lives in Kauai but comes here to Washington state for the hot summer months.  You are right, we are wonderful friends

My elder son, Dwight, who died in 2000 of sleep apnea at age 52, saw me as the mother-from-hell... and then married the DIL from hell. So I have lived on both sides of this issue. Sending love...

What???  You live in Washington state?  Awesome!  So do I!  I'd love to meet you for real sometime, you seem to be such a patient, kind soul and this site is marvelous.