August 23, 2019, 09:41:10 am

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Torn

Started by raindrops_on_my_soul, May 21, 2019, 09:35:27 am

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raindrops_on_my_soul

Hello everyone,

 I am writing today to talk about my grandson. Neither me or my son have been welcome in his life due to his mother and her family. We have only been able to see him a few times when he was a baby so there have been no opportunities for a relationship to develop. At the time that she became pregnant her and my son and her were living together. This was 15 years ago so many years have passed now. But this girls mother did not approve of the relationship and created influences that made things untenable, so by the time she gave birth to my grandson that relationship had ended. As I said we tried to keep communication open and did what we would to no avail. The only choice left was to stop trying and give up, which we did. She married someone a short time later and that man took the role of father and we never heard a word from them in all these years. Not one bit of interest was expressed in us or having the child develop any kind of relationship with us. A few months ago she contacted my son and said that her marriage  was not going well and they had separated. She said my grandson wanted to know my son and communicate with him. So it began. Some phone calls between them, mostly text messages but it was a beginning so that was nice. I started texting him too slowly to ease into things. I told him he was free to contact me anytime he wanted. But not once has he initiated any word with me. When I do reach out all I get are one word answers. At first I thought it was because he is shy and has some social issues going on. But then I found out that he actually does initiate texts and conversations with my son, even sending pictures and such so I can't blame it on that. I have been patient and waited for him to maybe develop some interest in me but that has not happened and it's been over 6 months now. I was considering going to see him when my son does this summer but now I'm not so sure that is the best thing. I don't want to chase something that isn't there and everything be one sided. I would like for there to be at least a hint of interest on his part but I don't see any. I am also thinking of me here because I don't want one sided relationships, I have had enough of those to last me a lifetime. It is also a rather long trip to make and I would be ok with that but not if it is going to be a trip no one wants but me. Thoughts anyone?

Stilllearning

Hi R!  I find it amazing that a 15 year old is texting and sending pictures to his father in the first place.  I would try sending him some silly texts and pictures like when you get caught out in the rain or dribble ice cream down the front of your shirt or anything that lets him know that you are as imperfect as anyone else.  See if that breaks the ice.

Good luck!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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