DIL

[justus]

Your DIL's reaction reminds me of when I was young. I would get invested in other people's problems and in certain outcomes and then would take it personally when the outcome I thought was best in my infinite wisdom did not come about. Then I would get snotty about it. Why ask my advise if you weren't going to act on it? How arrogant I was!! I know now that people most often just need someone to listen to them, to be very stingy with my advise, and that even though my advise is good and appropriate, sometimes it is premature.

It sounds like your DIL has a lot of the same sort of life's lessons to learn. She is just a kid and has a lot to learn.

Kind of scary isn't it? It seems like parents get younger every year, but then you think about how young you were when you had kids and how ignorant you were, and then it is even more scary!!

I think you are handling it well. You are letting your son deal with her on his own, and you are still accepting and loving to her and your grandchildren. You are giving her space to get over it on her own after doing your best to understand her issues.  I am sure good times will come again.

[Turtle]

Smiles2U, you are right, we do see the attitude of entitlement that some young people exude.
DH and I say that our DS's turned out splendid, in spite of us
DH and I are both of the baby boomer era, and our parents went through the Depression. We were both taught to be resourceful, and aware of others in need. We tried to instill those values in our own kids, even though it definitely was another era compared to ours.
DIL that we are mostly talking about here, grew up not that much more privileged than our kids, but was indulged as a child and still is by her parents.
We have helped DS and DIL get into a business with great potential, but they will need to work for it. That isn't a problem, but her attitude of entitlement is. The "stuff" they have is amazing, and DS works very hard to get her what she thinks they "need".
I hardly know what to get the gc's because they may as well be toys r us. Oh well hugs and kisses and smiles are free and plentiful, and those I give on the rare times I see them.
So Smiles2U, I think society too, media and advertising all contribute to some of the attitudes of these young people. I guess every era has its life lessons to learn. It's just painful sometimes waiting, and watching our loved ones.

[Turtle]

Your DIL's reaction reminds me of when I was young. I would get invested in other people's problems and in certain outcomes and then would take it personally when the outcome I thought was best in my infinite wisdom did not come about. Then I would get snotty about it. Why ask my advise if you weren't going to act on it? How arrogant I was!! I know now that people most often just need someone to listen to them, to be very stingy with my advise, and that even though my advise is good and appropriate, sometimes it is premature.

It sounds like your DIL has a lot of the same sort of life's lessons to learn. She is just a kid and has a lot to learn.

Kind of scary isn't it? It seems like parents get younger every year, but then you think about how young you were when you had kids and how ignorant you were, and then it is even more scary!!

[]I think you are handling it well. You are letting your son deal with her on his own, and you are still accepting and loving to her and your grandchildren. You are giving her space to get over it on her own after doing your best to understand her issues.  I am sure good times will come again.

Thanks Justus,your comments are encouraging. It is good to hear hope.
Theres times it's almost like a panic, that DIL will continue to be withdrawn and withhold the gc's from us. Right now these babies are too young to respond any other way but takin' all the lovin', the few times we see them!
Her downers put a damper on the whole family sometimes. I used to think I would surely die if my adult kids rejected me, but then I remember I am the only mama they will ever have. DH and I  brought them into the world, they are fine young men, and thru the seasons I'll be O.K. (ha!...sounds like I'm trying to convince myself)
I just have to remind myself to refocus sometimes [/u][/u]