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My daughter is so cold towards me

Started by Rockchic2315, October 06, 2018, 07:37:51 AM

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Hi i have 2 adult daughters my oldest is 28 with  a child  my other daughter is 27 no children. Ive always helped my daughters out physically mentaly and finincally. Im very close to my eldest  she does practically everything for me my youngest doesn't do anything. If the two of them have a row my youngest will ring me up shout and swear at me like its all my fault and puts the phone down reducing me to tears i canot cope with her behaviour towards me. I now suffer depression anxiety and ill health. I was in hospital she never visited she didnt even come to pick me up as she has a car. Even thow i helped her buy one payed fir the insurance tax petrol. She dnt come to see me as often. I toldher the doors always open for her she even has a spare key to the house if she needs anything ie food toilet roll etc i dnt know what to do


Welcome R.! We ask all new members to go to our home page and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit. We are a monitored Website.

I had a similar experience with my two adult sons. The eldest knew for a fact that I was the world's worst mother. My youngest was sure I was the absolute best. It took me a while to distance myself enough to realize that neither was true and it was about them, not me.

It took me even longer to realize that the price was too high for me to continue to want things to be different and to endlessly keep trying to fix them. I eventually turned my life around by getting that I was contributing to the problem by accepting the abuse and I vowed to only relate to those that treated me with respect, since to me, that was what self-respect was all about and I had lost that in the process.

None of the above may apply to you but I wanted to share my experience and the peace I have found. Nothing has changed...but I have. That's not true for everyone who shares here. Hope you hear from others, too. Hugs!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Welcome, Rockchic.  Luise and the women here really helped me to see that I was also accepting disrespect from my daughter. (I posted a lot on this site about my issues with her back in 2015-2016). It took a while for me to see that I did not have to accept it, and figure out how to call her on it, but I did, and while it felt hard at first to stand up for myself, eventually I began to see that it was really the only way to get my self-respect back.  Plus it was good for me to model creating healthy boundaries, since she was struggling in other relationships, too.  And guess what?  Standing up for myself has helped me to be assertive in other relationships as well.  I'm still a work in progress, but I'm thankful that I gave myself permission to be straight about how I want to be treated, having been supported by some wonderful gals on this forum. 

Wishing you the best!


Dear Rockchic,
I hope you are doing well.
I know it's hard when the children that we raised and loved so much turn on us without any reason other than because they're angry and not always from anything that we as their parents have said or done wrong. The thing that hurts the most is not that they're upset but rather that they forget that our unconditional love for them doesn't give them permission to be abusive and disrespectful.
Please be kind to yourself, and if your DD doesn't treat you right walk away, take a break and let her know you'll still be there but only when She is prepared to be civil towards you. Remind her that you deserve to be treated kindly if nothing else!  Hugs xx