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In-law Issues

Started by RG50, May 12, 2018, 10:02:05 AM

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This post reminds me of my own marriage when it began. Only it is reversed! My in laws stayed away. In fact when our first child was born the gift was worth around 7 dollars and my in laws were very well off. They were money hoarders. One might think they they were better off than my family but again the reverse is true. We probably would never had received their blessings unless I came with a lot of money for a house etc. And so, while I totally understand your desire to be number 1 in your husband's life just think of how unappreciated you would feel if they didn't want to visit at all. Coming from a woman who has been married to a "Moma's Boy" for 30 some years (one who actually worked with his family) I can tell you this: Just because his family basically writes you out might in no way mean that they have fewer ties with him. It can easily go the other way. As time goes on and you are further away from the newness of your marriage, he simply might learn not to tell you his family things between his parents and himself. These boundaries are totally understandable but his relationship with his family is not a threat to the one you have with him, he isn't physically intimate with them (at least I presume), he isn't creating a future with children etc. with them. He is doing that with you. Believe it or not, I am one woman who wishes my MIL had wanted to be involved with me or the grandchildren I gave her. But she had 5 children, three of which were daughters, and truthfully, even her daughter's children were closer to their father's mother's than to her.  Of course that didn't stop me from feeling unappreciated. So maybe flipping the idea around of not wanting them to drop by,  and thinking about how it would feel if they went to a restaurant 2 minutes from you and never called to asked if you would like to join them,(or even told you until several months had past), might feel, could help.


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