continuation of losing my son need help!

[Lindaspy]

CATCHUP....You are one smart cookie!!  I read your reply post and couldn't of said it better.  I too went thru the empty nest syndrome and found myself getting angry and upset when they came to town to visit with her family and didn't have the manners to call or come here with the grandson and visit for an hour.  My other son and DIL get very upset about it and I just told them its OK,,,if they don't want to come here I don't want them to feel they have to come.  It's much better to just let it go and enjoy it when they do show up.  I got involved with my job and when they called to state they were coming it was me who had to say "Sorry, I have to work but hopefully you will call another day and we will set up another time"  I know they still go to her parents a lot more often but ya know what? It's OK.  Come holiday time I just tell them to go ahead and have the holiday with her parents and we can always celebrate on another day.  Works fine for my husband and I .  Our other son and DIL always try to make time and we plan on things and if DIL and DS show up... well all the better!!  I just don't get rattled anymore.  It's not worth it.  I was a daughter and close to my parents and know that a son is a son til he takes a wife .... a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life.  Do I like it? Nope. But I will not cause any hard feelings cause life is just too darn short!!!!

[Pen]

I totally agree! This is the time to look after yourself for a change. Do whatever you can, taking babysteps if need be, until you find yourself on a true path towards healing. Expect the occasional setback, but know you'll soon be moving forward again. For those of us with frustrated DHs or other significant partners, the attention we can give them again will put smiles back on their faces and springs back in their steps, 

The empty nest blindsided me; I thought I was prepared, had my own life & interests, etc. etc. and was surprised to find myself crying and miserable. I think issues from my childhood came bubbling up, which didn't help - my FOO doesn't exist anymore, and I've never been cherished by them in any case - so the loss was horrible when I realized DS was actually switching families, not just taking a wife. I felt as if my efforts during the years I spent raising him were not appreciated or acknowledged. I'd put in all that time and energy for what???

However, with the help of this site and my DH, things have improved somewhat and I'm enjoying activities with DH & friends. We still haven't been invited to DS & DIL's home and DIL still treats us poorly, but we see DS about once a month and he and DIL spend the odd vacation with us. It's not fair, and I don't like it either, but I'm now trying to be grateful for what we do get rather than angry or hurt about how much DIL's family gets by comparison (sometimes I have to repeat it like a mantra.) I'm very rarely brought to tears now, which is a vast improvement from the state I was in a year ago. As a bonus, DS is also beginning to see how demanding DIL's FOO can be, and has stated he & DIL appreciate our hands-off, more relaxed style.

Best wishes to all who find themselves in this situation. It's a tough one, but not impossible to overcome.

[luise.volta]

Good News!! Sending love...

[Nana]

Linda and Penn.....I truly have to tell you that I admire you with all my heart.  You have acted  in a very mature and intelligent way, putting all your feeling aside and finding a way to go on and continue to have a quality life with or without those who cant or dont want us near them.   
Your words (Pens and Linda's) are a piece of valuable advice for Cocoanut. 

Letting go is one of the hardest things to do and it takes time and determination, but once you accomplish this, is like being free again.  Free to enjoy what we have, what we like, what we  do and are able to give love to all the other people around us who loves and need us. 


Coconut....you will be fine.  The loss is theirs and they will eventually know it.
Hugs

[Pen]

Thanks Nana - it's a work in progress