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My son rejects me

Started by MCastro, May 12, 2018, 08:08:23 am

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May 12, 2018, 08:08:23 am Last Edit: May 12, 2018, 07:51:42 pm by Bamboo2
Hello, My adult son has been living at home for 27 years and he recently moved out with a friend. He has a bachelors degree in biology but has no interest in persueing a career?? He currently works in a warehouse, All though It disappointed me, I never turned my back on him. He did get in trouble with the law  and was also caught with drugs. My issue is that he won't tell me where he lives nor answer my calls or texts. I feel he hates me and I don't know what
To do?? He used to tell me everything,  I can only think that he rejects me because his father and I argued constantly while he was growing up and was spanked by his father many times for just being a kid, And that was most of our arguments. I feel is all my fault but he still won't talk to me and ignores all my texts? I Have tried everything and he even closed his Facebook account?? I was seeing a therapist but didn't do much good, I am depressed, I cry when I get no respond from him? I just want him to tell me why he rejects me, I love him so much. I call him, leave him messages to say that I am so sorry for everything. I don't know what else to do and I can use some advise?
Thank you!


May 12, 2018, 11:48:52 am #1 Last Edit: May 12, 2018, 11:52:16 am by luise.volta
Welcome, M. If you have used your given name, please choose a user name that will protect you anonymity.

We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum agreement to be sure WWU is a fit. We're a monitored Website.

We don't give advice here, M. None of us are professionals and where advice is concerned, that's what's needed. We share our experience and often because of what we've been through, understand much of what another mom is experiencing.

I realized with my eldest son that his choices when he reached the threshold of adulthood were destructive and potentially dangerous. He thought he 'was' an adult and that what he did was great. The consequences were the lessons he called in and none of it had anything to do with me. I hated that. As his mom, everything had always been about me. I was his guide and protector. There was no way I could make sense of the senseless. All I could do was to get back to my own life, pre-mom, and take it from there. That worked for me. I found there were no whys. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Hi M,
Welcome! I agree with Luise about changing your user name.  I will also delete your signature line in your post.  We stay anonymous to protect ourselves and our loved ones. 

As Luise mentioned, we don't give advice here.  When I had issues with my adult daughter, I enlisted the support of a therapist, and it was the third one I saw who gave me the best help. 

Like you, I spent a lot of time trying to communicate with a daughter who didn't respond to me.  I was desperate to hold on to any semblance of a relationship, and apologize for anything and everything.  She continually rejected me or gave me the cold shoulder.  Finally I stopped chasing her, and backed off.  I changed the dynamic, and put myself first.  She slowly began to reconnect.  There were a lot of steps forward and backward, but I stopped making her my everything - which was healthier for both of us. 

Wishing you well...


May 31, 2018, 05:40:24 pm #3 Last Edit: May 31, 2018, 05:48:04 pm by luise.volta
Hi M,

I hope you're doing better and have been reading this forum and gaining perspective of what Luise and Bamboo has said.

Thank you again, Luise. Sending you and your son my love.


Hi all.

Not too sure if this is still an open thread...but here are my thoughts.

My DS went through a stage when  whatever I did/didn't do/said/didn't say was wrong! To say it was highly confusing and hurtful is an understatement!

The harder I pushed to try and understand or to figure out the reason or just plan ask "hey what's up?" The more he pushed me away.

In the end I decided to back off. I kept thinking of a frightened animal. Even if you try to help it sadly still sees you as a threat. It hisses and growls and lashes out and even runs away. My DS was acting the same way. So I decided to retreat and be patient.

I stopped the calls, texts, parcels, letters. And instead I did my own thing and waited and waited ... until he saw that I was respecting his space, his adulthood and his wishes. I was no longer a threat and when he realised that he came round. Slowly at first but he came round.

And I also learnt not to repeat the mistakes of old. So now I never judged. When he asked for advice I never gave it but instead always asked him what his gut instinct was and reminded him that 9/10 times his instinct was correct. When he asked for money I said I'll help you sort out a budget but I won't give you money. When he wanted to made mistakes I reminded him that he was only human and we all make mistakes and to cut himself some slack! He couldn't believe the change in his stress free DM!!!

What I'm trying to say is remember that cornered animal. Sometimes the kindest thing to do is to leave them alone.

Sending hugs xxx :-*
Forget lemonade! When life gives you lemons make lemon meringue pie!🍋🍋🍋🍋