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Losing Son help

Started by cocoanut8, July 02, 2010, 09:16:23 AM

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cocoanut8

Thanks for this forum, i have read so many of your stories and this is truly a place to vent and feel better.  Any ways i will try to make this short and sweet if i can without to long a wind.  My DS met a GF a year ago and plans on marrying the GF. I feel if they marry he will be out of my life forever. When i first met GF she stressed how important family is, and oh yes it, is GF family.  My DS has gone from visiting me @ least 1x week to Holidays, birthday and occasional special day.  MY DS  won't tell GF or her family no for anything, and always brags about GF father and grandmother that they live with, take care of her she had a stroke!! GF grandfathter left grandma for another woman so now GF is responsible to grandma's care. Our time together as family has severly been lessened and getting worse by the day.  My DS left me a message a while ago that if my brother needed help to move let him know he would gladly help {brother having traumatic experience in his life}.  Ok, so i called the next day well, GF answers and says DS is sleeping{he works nights} and when he gets up he is going fishing, so i replied"why did he leave the message that he was willing to help his family} GF replies{i don't know i think he just forgets}.  What in less than 12 hours.  Well needless to say, DH and myself stopped over to visit my DS, and i asked my DS why he offered to help when he really couldn't.  My DS says" you never called to say you needed my help"  well right away, GF jumps in and says oh, mom called i forgot but she never mentioned that your uncle needed help".  Well my jaw and DH jaw about hit the floor, the whole phone conversation was about my DS helping.  Well, come to find out my DS never went fishing he went to GF for outing.

luise.volta

Oh, this kind of thing is so hard. What we keep seeing here over and over here is that our grown children have started a new family unit and they need to learn. We want to help but they have entered adulthood and think for that reason that they are adults. It's often a long road before they are responsible and reasonable.

Instead of focusing on the details of mis-communication, unfairness and yes, outright lies...it seems to work better to leave them with their issues and distance ourselves. For most of us, that is a tall order but as we get it and then do it, things often calm down. They aren't the way we want them to be but we get better at accepting them as "what is." Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama