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dil and adult son

Started by cece, April 26, 2018, 06:33:06 pm

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cece

I'm so ashamed I had a big blow up with dil at grandsons little league game, my 6 year old grandson asked to come over to our house and she said no.
For the past month I've been at her beck and call babysitting money drives to airport pet sitting ect., and just once I thought why not say yes to me and she said no and I threw a fit.

Back story is I've been threw chemo for ovarian cancer within the past year and also kidney removal and I'm short to anger. I apologized right away to her my son her mom but no can do they hate me and have been pretty mean.

What can I do

Bamboo2

Welcome, Cece. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.

First of all, let me say that I feel this is a time for you to be kind to yourself.  You have been through a lot, and I imagine you're doing the best you can.  Having a close friend who has lived with cancer, I witnessed how it really took a toll on her emotionally and physically.  My friend had to learn to take care of herself first - not always easy for us women to do.  In order to do that, it has meant saying no to people and listening to her "gut", as she is focusing on keeping herself as healthy as possible.  Sounds like you may have said yes to things you really didn't want to do for your son and DIL.  But all those things you've said yes to have perhaps only taken energy from you, and healing is the focus now.  I've learned from my relationship with my adult daughter that being at her beck and call only made me resentful and caused me to expect something back in response, even if it was only gratitude.  It also didn't make her have to solve her own problems herself if I continually came to her rescue.  And she learned she could treat me like dirt and I'd accept it.  I don't have grandkids, but if I did, I wouldn't want them to witness my daughter treating me poorly.  I wouldn't want that for you, either.

Wishing you well.  (((Hugs)))

luise.volta

April 27, 2018, 03:16:36 pm #2 Last Edit: April 28, 2018, 09:43:29 am by luise.volta
I too have been a doormat. I got stuck for a long time in trying to understand it and trying to change it. Neither helped. I finally hit rock bottom and the only way out was alone, not finding a way out of it with my adult son, his wife and two sons. It felt like a death to me but it is what brought me life again. I wasn't living, I was existing in the middle of someone else's drama and calling it a life. What has restored me is choosing self respect and the respect of others. I'm no one's door mat. I deserve better and so do you. Hugs!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cece

Thank You so much your reply post has helped me this week so much.
No communication between us I'm just hoping they will reach out.
Thanks again
Cece

cece

I meant thank you both so much

luise.volta

You are so welcome. Most of us have felt very alone with these issues and looking around, we have made it up that others were all living in bliss because many want to appear to be.


I waited and hoped too...and for me, that wasn't letting go. The next step was to stop and turn my attention and efforts toward those in my life who respected me. Waiting and hoping for me meant I was still focused on the drama and trauma. I add 'for me' because we are all different. That's why we share our experience and don't give advice. None of us know what is best or next for you. We're just in your corner and care. More hugs!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cece

Yes I'm trying not to focus on them , though it's hard everyday I feel better.

luise.volta

You're doing great! I had to find positive things and people to focus on to fill my time and distract my mind. Otherwise I would be drawn back to it when for me that wasn't healthy. We are here for you. You can count on it!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

gettingoldandcranky

cece - so sorry for what you are going through with your health.  do you need the added drama?  nope.  it's hard to put ourselves first when we want to do anything for those we love.  but a healthy you is most important.  i hope your son and dil come around and give you the support that you need.  this is a great place to vent and get support.  the ladies are truely wise women.

cece

I'm not waiting for them to come around but I hope, I love them all and wish I never caused a uproar but I can't change the past.
I loved my MIL so much but I think times have changed , since we've been such a big part of my gs life I feel like I'm abandoning him and he'll wonder were Papa and Grandma are.
Life is short love to all

luise.volta

I adored my mother-in-law, too. She lived to be 105 and the bond was never broken. Yes, it was awful to let got of my grandsons. As adults, one has no use for me, the other thinks I hung the moon. that one now has a daughter...age 24, who agrees with him. My great granddaughter! You just never know...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cece

Yes good news my son invited us to gs little legue game tonight and it was nice to see them. Dl wasn't there so maybe that's why we were invited.
I'm just going to take it one day at a time, and try to focus more on us.
But it was nice seeing them.

Love to all

Bamboo2

That's great news, Cece!  Thanks for sharing it!  Some MILs here have found that their sons will still keep the relationship going with their moms but they are sometimes pulled in two different directions.  Hope things go well for you.  All the best  :)

cece

Thank You for reply but she threw a fit about it so probably wasn't a great idea, I definitely don't want to cause my son any more strife so that's not happening again.
Life goes on and is so short at the same time, sometimes relationships can't be mended.
I keep working on myself that's all I can do.

luise.volta

You are a WiseWoman, C.! Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama