November 30, 2023, 10:17:44 AM


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Started by Frustrated Oma, February 20, 2018, 03:30:58 PM

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Frustrated Oma

Thank you Stilllearning, I am home and recovering from my hysterectomy and all is good with my health, for that I am grateful.  Naming this initial post last year "conflicted"  Seems to always comes back at just that... I did back off and lighten my expectations and my DS reopened the door to our relationship.  But the things he tells me in private conflict with his actions in public.  I  know when is with us and my DIL is present, he is cold, very quit and on edge.  When he shows up on his own, he returns to his warm funny self.  I know he is the way he is with her to appease her and not to cause a fight.  The question is, Is he the way he is when alone with us to appease us.  If that is the case, how in the world will my son ever find peace in his life? Ughh just can't seem to wrap my head around this situation as this whole thing started over something trivial....


My point was (and is) that my life did not change until I stopped trying to figure things out and started living for myself.  My DS had to figure out what mattered to him  and I was just fortunate to find out that I was on the good side of that equation.  I did have to be prepared to be on the losing side before I took that plunge.  Perhaps you are not quite ready for that change.

It was quite refreshing to find myself on the sidelines......

Not my circus, not my monkeys....
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Frustrated Oma

Point taken Stilllearning, your message has clicked.  I need to just stop trying to figure it out.  There are more ways than one to move on.  You are correct, I do need to figure out if I am there yet.  Thank you.


I could have written your story!  I am sorry you are going through this, but also glad to know I am not alone. I hope that doesn't sound mean to say!  I am new here, too, and so glad to know this group exists.

I wish you much happiness and peace -- I hope things have already improved with your situation by the time you are reading this!


Frustrated Oma

Have not posted for a while, been battling ovarian cancer.  Just need a moment to vent, Things between my DS and DIL have been let's just say tolerable,  mostly because I think they are doing what they need to not look like complete jerks in others eyes with what I am battling.  Today I get a text message from my DIL stating that they will not be celebrating my GS 1st birthday as it will be  just the three of them and there will be no other gatherings.  We are welcome to send a gift but there is a whole list of rules of what we can and can not get him.  I just don't get why they are both so adamant about not sharing this child with anyone.  My poor GC is going to be robbed of so much love throughout his life.  I am just so sad..


Oma, I'm so sorry to hear about your cancer battle.  You've been through so much.  Please take good care of yourself and treasure the time with those who want to be with you on your journey.  As far as your GS goes, while it may seem like he will miss out on a lot of love throughout his life, as you say, none of us knows the future. 

Sending positive thoughts your way



Frustrated Oma   I feel your pain.  It doesn't make sense and is hurtful.  The solution we have come up with when we are told there is no room for us at birthday parties:  We call on the birthday.  If there is no answer which is what always happens, we leave a message. Hopefully it is passed along, but we called and did what is in our hearts - wishing our loved grandchild a happy birthday.  We ask for a date when we can visit and when we go I bring balloons, cupcakes and we celebrate!  So far this has been allowed to happen fairly close to our grandchilds actual birthday.
A couple of times we were allowed to go to the celebratory party, but a majority of the birthdays there is "no room" for my DS family.
You will get through this and hopefully our grandchildren realize at some point that we love them even though we are not allowed to participate in their lives.