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Re: Does it ever stop hurting so much

Started by Jools, February 14, 2018, 11:17:44 am

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I too have the same DIL situation. My son goes along with whatever she does & his family are alienated because he will not stand his ground. Its all about her family. She is a Narcissist & she has over the past 10 years driven a wedge through our once tight knit family. My daughter has suffered abuse from my DIL at the tender age of 14 when we went on holiday with my Son & DIL.
My daughter never speaks to my son & she has been isolated from him by DIL.
I have 2 Grandchildren from her & was told before the first was born that if I didn't apologise for telling her off about the abuse she did to my daughter I would never see my Grandchild. Both my husband & myself spoke to my son & told him that if that was what he wanted then so be it. We have been allowed into our Grandys lives but there are constant abusive things that DIL does to us. They come home to visit her family & stay with them & we get a few rushed hours to see the kids. We are always treated as the low life side of the family & get dished up left overs. It will not change. We will not however tolerate abuse so we only communicate thru our son to see, skype or call our Grandys. Its a very sad situation & I have no answers.
I find myself wishing that one day my son will see what she is & will leave with the kids.
She is truly the most spoteful nasty person I have ever encountered.


Jools, I feel for you!  My DIL turned out to be bipolar and now she is on medication.  She was really hard to deal with at first and she got worse for a long time.  Now she mostly keeps quiet and I keep my distance.  The first thing that I had to realize was that there was only one part of this dynamic that I could change and that was myself.  So how could I change myself so that I could deal with this abuse?  I decided that there was only one way, I had to quit caring so much.  I had to take back my power.  I had to get to a point where my DIL could not hurt me and that meant that I had to decide that the DS I had raised was no longer there and I had to stop trying to find him or "save him".  I gave up.  I turned my focus to the things in my life that I enjoyed and visiting with my DS and DIL was not one of those things. 

Let's face it, when you get to our stage of life you deserve to enjoy it.  We worked hard to get here, we raised our children to the best of our ability at the time and now they are adults and out of our houses.  We should be taking bows and having fun!  I finally got to the point where I am having fun and I got here by deciding to focus on the things in my life that I enjoy and ignoring the things in life that bring me down.  I still find myself in the "poor me, I deserve better" abyss but I turn my focus to other things, things that bring happiness to my life. 

I am sorry that your DIL is so awful but know that you are not alone.  We understand and we are always here to listen.  Good luck!!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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