November 29, 2023, 05:15:10 PM


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Mother in law treated better thsn maternial mother

Started by MaryN, August 05, 2017, 08:48:32 AM

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My daughter and son in law have a 17 month daughter and a new baby boy. Yes, I'm blessed because both grand children are healthy. My problem is my daughters mother in law has the privilege of taking my grand daughter on outings, shopping and sleep overs. I on the other hand not allowed those same privileges I'm allowed to babysit, clean and cook in my daughters home.
My daughter tells me the reason for this is because her mother in law has more expertise since she has three other older grand children.I have proven myself more than capable, able to do same functions as the mother in law. My daughter will always come up with different excuses.
This has been the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. My husband tells me to get over it and maybe some day I'll have the same privileges. So I have no support from my husband. On one last note my daughters mother in law is an ex addict. I'm far from perfect but have never had any addiction problems I'm of sound mind and a happy person. Mother in law is eight years younger and I have been told I'm old. I guess 60 is the new 80. I really could use some advise from anyone who has been through the same thing.   


We have two sons so we are the paternal grandparents.  We noticed that the maternal grandparents got far more holidays and interactions with our children and grandchildren when they were young.  Our grandchildren are mostly grown now.  Funny, one set of maternal grandparents thought we saw our grandchildren far more often than they did - not true.

My point - it will never be equal or fair as far as holidays/interactions with our families after they marry.  So, enjoy the time you have with your grandchildren and daughter -  who is to say what next year will bring.  In our case, one maternal grandmother passed away far too young (we grew to love her).   The other maternal grandparents saw the grandchildren much less after their daughter left our son and abandoned her children.  It still is not fair - but, today, the remaining grandparents (us and them) are very good friends.  After all, we all love our grandchildren - them and us.


Welcome, M. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First, to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure it's a fit for you, we are a monitored Website.

I haven't had the issue are facing but it you look in our achieves, you will find many threads written about this from both viewpoints. Balance without favoritism isn't very common, it seems. I'm sure you will find support here. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama



Hi MaryN,
Welcome to WWU! So sorry about the differential treatment you are experiencing. It hurts to be the less favored one, and often defies reason, no matter how hard you try to find one. I'm not a grandparent yet, but I have had to play second fiddle with my daughter's attention compared to her BFs family, and it sure did cut like a knife.  My husband and I finally had to start making our own special times and learn to just adapt to holidays with the loved ones we were able to see, and let go of expecting DD at our gatherings.  Time has healed much of the pain.  I've found a lot of comfort on this site, and I hope you will as well.  There are definitely others here who have gone through similar issues as you.  Wishing you well!


MaryN - would your daughter go with you and granddaughter on an outing?  then she can see how you interact with her child and you get the bonus of some bonding time with both of them