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dil isues

Started by shealeen, June 21, 2017, 01:10:32 pm

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June 21, 2017, 01:10:32 pm Last Edit: June 21, 2017, 01:35:27 pm by luise.volta
my husband and i are divorced, but continue to have a relationship, we have three children all boys  my middle son at 17 got his gf pregnant and she moved into our family home.   as we live in different home I come to visit ad still consider my husbands home mine as well, we bought the house and raised our kids there.   as soon as she moved in things were ok we all got along, as soon as her and my son got married things changed, she started acting entitled, she even told me she was the lady of the house now and i needed to get over it, her parents dont live live close so my husband and i helped them.  her first son was born and she acted like we were stupid talked condesendingly to us.
we had issues about our family traditions, she didnt like them, she would do things like get out xmas stockings hers my sons my husbands but the rest of us our werent put out. many times shes hurt my feelings but we got past the issues and semed to be doing fine..
they have since moved out and have their own home now as wellas a new daughter,  from day 1 we have treated this girl well, given her things she wanted only for her to sell them and then expect us to buy again.
I give her gifts and where ever i gave them to her thats where they stay. her older son is in school so every day she comes to our house and hangs out til he gets out of school, I clean up after her, and continue to offer help, she takes us all for granted nd acts as if she has more right to be there than i do
my husband is sick of the fighting and wont talk to be any more about it. one day she came in and said we needed to talk and we did  things were great for over a year, all of a sudden we had an issue over a playpen, it was i mis understanding not a big deal,   she has blocked on fb for years last year she unblocked me and i was glad as i can see pics of my grandchildren,  she read a post on my fb page assumed i was talking about her and sent me a nasty text saying i was passive aggressive and if i wanted a bad relationship i wa walking down the road.  i got on the deffensive becuse of her lack of reguard and her wording  I dfeel every good relationship is carried by two people notone,  she said she needed space from me shes tired of dealing with me,   I stoped by said hi to my son didnt even get out of the car AND SHE JUMPED ON ME SAYING how was that giving her space? she said she didnt want to be my friend and didnt want me to come over anymore, I sk her if my son was good with that no answer. 
I feel like how dare she act that way after all my husband and I have done for her and my son, she blocked me again on fb but yet she is still nice to my husband, It feel to me like shes trying to out me and get my husband to agree wit her, she dosent push him cuz she knows he has the money.  I was headed out of town and my aunt came by to get me, she will speak to my aunt but ignore me, My husband said work it out I called her told her if i made her feel bad i was sorry and i wanted to have a better relationship with her, she said she just cant deal with me its too frustrating and she needs time. Shes at our house like she owns it, its causing problems between my son and i and now my husband and i, which i think is what she wants, she didnt say she was sorry for her ppart when i told her what bothered me she denied it saying she didnt act that way.
she takes advantage, and the only two things she brought up that bugged her was i said someetimg about her sister and i treat mylittle dog like a human... I thinkshe is condesending rude and unappreiative, shes singling me out for whatever reason and im not sure how to handle it, no one else hs this issue as they are welcomed by her, even though she has talked tarsh about others in my family.
my son got in the middle and ask me and her to stop so i did, she didnt now its going on a couple months everything is blown wy out of porption.   last xmas i ask her to help me make a tshirt quilt for my husband  she agreed, I spent what it would have cost to send it away and have done on a halloween costume for her son 80.00, so xmas eve they show up she didnt have the quilt only a tshirt in a frame I was floored, now its mid summer still nothing
I feel I have some serious doubts reguarding this girl,  I think my husband needs to stand up and tell her to knock it off, but he dosent want our son mad at him,what should i do, Im ot perfect and i do admitt when i have been wrong   she dosent...  she talks down to like im an idiot and shes so much more than i am, no resoect at all  help


Welcome, S. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.

I removed a three letter abbreviation from your post because we don't use bad language. If we know what it stands for, it's the same as writing it out. We also don't do capital letters to make a point. It's just easier to read without them.

My heart goes out to you. It's plain to me that you have done your best by your son and DIL and then some. Instead of appreciation, you have gotten contempt which can't help but hurt. 

I have had my own issues but haven't faced the ones you are up against so I can only say that we can't make sense of the senseless and we can't create support and respect where there is none. Others are how they are. Your DIL is your son's choice. Since you no longer live in the house where she comes and goes, I also don't see that you have much of a say about what goes on there.

So far, it looks like your son's loyalty is to her which is what you would probably want...and your 'ex' sounds like he is tired of the whole thing. That doesn't give you much choice that I can see except to stay away and do the best you can to move on with your life. You have a right to be with people who want to be with you and to find things to do that bring you joy. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Hi and welcome!

I understand your frustration with your DIL.  It sounds like she is immature, difficult and contentious and has been for years.  It seems she acts in a hurtful way towards you because she can.  I'm sorry to say that I don't see that you can do much about the situation.  The men in the middle (your ex and your DS) don't want to catch DIL's ire, so I wouldn't wait for them to step up and try to get her to change. 

I certainly would avoid DIL as much as possible; she seems very unpredictable and moody.  Are you able to work out something so that you can still continue to have a relationship with your DS and GC, with minimal contact with DIL?  In my case, my DIL made it miserable for me to visit with my DS and GC.  I could no longer stand the disrespect, and even outright lying about me, so I went no contact with all of them, sadly.  There is a limit to bad behavior and I knew when I had hit mine. 

It sounds like you have already done your part in trying to work out problems, and DIL is not having it.  It may help to clear your head to just stay away from the whole situation for a while, and immerse yourself with activities and people you enjoy.  You may find life is much better spent with more pleasant people.       


Welcome, S. You deserve better.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb