September 27, 2020, 06:39:42 pm


"Welcome to -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

Would this offend you?

Started by Kjc04, June 05, 2017, 04:54:35 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


Hi! Well we have a current situation we are trying to work through. I want to be fair to both grandmothers so we are trying to figure out arrangements for the birth. My in laws babysat for us last time I gave birth so we are having my parents babysit this time. So we have to tell my husbands parents that if they want to be here for the actual birth then they need to stay in a hotel. Or if they want to stay with us then they need to wait til my parents leave a week later. Both sets of parents live 25-30 hours away by car so this does need to be planned in advance. Does this sound bad to tell them hotel or wait a week? I only have one guest room so I can't have both at the house. Also the grandmothers tend to be competitive with each other so I don't want to deal with the drama.


Thanks for the update. I have had problems with setting boundaries and even more when not setting them. You have that right and deserve 'adult status', it seems to me. Perhaps the hotel suggestion would still bring about long, unwanted visits. Even though it was eons ago, (my youngest son is 62!), I remember the needed adjustments and hectic fatigue after bringing home a new baby. When siblings are added, oh, my! I think I might set limits and just make it clear that this time it's your mother's turn, maybe even commenting on how gracious she was to be second, along with the suggestion that a visit later on 'when things settle down' would be welcome. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


K, I myself would feel overwhelmed with having ANY guests staying at my house when coming home with a new baby.  We obviously have different temperaments.  You seem to have a well thought out plan to make it work for you.  If you get any push-back regarding it, you can nicely restate that this is how you need to do it.  You are giving the in-laws a choice, and it sounds very fair to say that it is your parents' turn this time to stay that first week with you. 


July 30, 2017, 02:50:35 pm #18 Last Edit: July 30, 2017, 03:02:24 pm by luise.volta
Lol well if I didn't need help with my 2 other kids while I'm in the hospital then we would tell both families to not come for at least a few weeks. The past two times we sent family home when we came home from the hospital and told them we didn't want visitors and they left. However this time with us living so far away we can't do that since it take 2 days in a car to get here or a long flight. I don't want to offend my in laws but since we will have to suck it up and deal with company this time around I would rather my parents be here instead of my in laws for the first few days of recovery since those are the hardest and to be honest the grossest. (You all know what I'm talking about) it would be too much to have my father in law staying at the house while I'm dealing with all that. A part of me hopes they choose the hotel and that way everyone goes home after a week but I'm trying to be realistic that they may not be able to afford the flight, food, etc and have to pay for a hotel on top of it.


My take is that you sound pretty level-headed. Rough call no matter how you look at it. I missed that this was child three. Gonna' have your hands full! Since I have a great-granddaughter who is 24, I don't recall much except the lack of sleep. More hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


My take is to just tell them your parents are going to be there for this birth. I'm betting they will understand. If you don't want them to visit after your parents leave, please don't tell them to come and then resent the fact they came.

Just tell them you are overwhelmed and would rather have a visit when you are feeling up to it. Then invite them when you are up to it.

Make certain you both sends them pictures of baby and keeps them in the loop.

If they say , hey, we get it. We can hotel it. Be very happy and say  that's awesome!