July 02, 2020, 04:06:43 pm


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DIL Finally Won

Started by alwaysmom, April 15, 2017, 02:30:33 pm

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Tomorrow is Easter and my husband and I have been asking our DS all week if he and DIL would like to go fishing with us and our younger DS.  Our relationship with DIL has always been rocky and from previous posts you can see that I share a lot of the same estrangement issues with our DS as many of you here do with your DS.

I wanted to talk DIL and try to smooth out some of our differences before we went fishing but she would not have any part of it. I was just hopeful that maybe, just maybe we could get together as a family and try one last time to connect and be kind to each other. Of course my DS will do what his wife wants him to and this means no connection and no family get together.  He stated that they were just going to spend the day with each other instead.

I texted my son and told him that this was the last time I would ask to see him and that I would not have any further
expectations.  Of course no text back.  This does not surprise me.

My problem is that this all just hurts so much and is so incredibly painful to not have our DS in our life, even though it has been going on for years.  I actually become very distraught and emotional and somewhat crazy!

So as I said in the title, DIL finally won.  I can no longer pretend that things will ever be any different as she has our
DS so brain washed and only wants him to be with her and her family.  I have not been perfect in all of this drama but
DIL loves the estrangement and makes no effort for my DS sake to bring any kind of resolution to any of it.  Amazing how one person can hurt an entire FOO as our DS has nothing to do with anyone but our younger DS who actually lives with them.  I never understood why our younger DS was allowed in our older DS' life yet no one else.  Maybe that is it, one
person allowed from his FOO and no one else.  The shame is as I have said before, our younger DS tries to ignore DIL and keep the peace as much as possible because he lives there and has a good relationship with his brother. He has often said that he could never be married to a woman like her.  He is still a college student and rent where they live must be shared because it is so high.  He has lived with other roommates and will probably move when the chance arrives. That is also what makes this situation so strange because we have moved to the same town and we see our younger DS all the time and do have a relationship with him and yet he feels like he has to keep some of the things we do a secret as not to
make our older DS left out.

I hurt so much as a mom to know that we are missing out on any kind of relationship and love with our DS in our later years of life and time that we can never get back.

I truly hope this is the last time I set myself up for the desire to have our DS in our life and find a way to accept this estrangement which is so much like a living death.

My heart goes out to all the other moms on here that feel the pain as I do.  We never thought this is how it would be once our children were adults.  I miss my son sooo much!

Love and hugs to all,



It doesn't sound to me like you are ready to be done. It seems to me that your post contains expectations, justifications and rationalizations.

As long as those things ran me, I was hooked...so I'm just reflecting my own experiences back to you. You are still deep in your story and the details. Again, when that was the case with me, I had no commitment to create a life for myself that brought me joy. I was stuck in victim. If your life feels like a battlefield with a winner and a loser...there is no peace in that.

This Website isn't for everyone, A. There are times when professional help needs to be sought to lay the groundwork to move on. We don't have any professionals here. After re-reading your posts, that would be my suggestion. We have shared with you to be best of our ability and don't have anything new to offer and we want the best for you.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Thank you.  I understand.