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At a loss of what to do

Started by MammaT, March 03, 2017, 11:40:13 am

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Marina

Because MammaT described DIL being hot and cold with StepM over the years, I initially thought DIL's present bad attitude towards MammaT may be temporary.  At any rate, there isn't anything one can do to improve a relationship if the other person is not interested, and is in fact hostile. 

My break from DIL/DS came after GC was born and DIL started to manipulate the situation by using GC as a pawn, then telling lies about what I said and did.  DS did nothing.  That was my deal breaker.  I must say I never expected in a million years that my DS would allow our relationship to end this way.

MammaT

Thank you everyone. I will let it all go. I just hope somehow things will turn around i miss my ds so much. I also am missing all his happiness on becoming a dad but i know if he wanted to include me , he would. He is a grown man, and i know without adoubt i taught him right from wrong. So when his burden becomestoo heavy i will see him. Thank you all. Your advice means so much. I hope all the best for eachof you.
"Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you" unknown

luise.volta

Do you want to close this thread, M.? And then stay as part of the clan?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

I'm finding that my DIL treats  me with more respect when I approach her from a position of "power" meaning I'm not groveling or weak ("Why don't you like me? Here's a gift, please like me!") but confident and strong ("I'm fabulous! If you don't like me it's your loss. I'm off to my next adventure!") My husband still grovels a bit but I'm over it.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cathybeth

March 14, 2017, 11:10:58 am #19 Last Edit: March 14, 2017, 11:36:18 am by luise.volta
I feel your pain and there are no easy answers.  I have a difficult situation myself -- but with 2 DILs I can see the difference where one actually tries to connect with me, and the other is forcing me away.  I choose to have a relationship with the DIL who will engage in conversation with me.  I am finished trying to do whatever it is the other one is looking for because frankly -- I have no idea what it is, she won't tell me, and darned if I do -- darned if I don't.  Be kind to yourself -- and don't let them drag you down.  Do something for yourself and find some human connections that don't rely on this DIL.  I try to do such things... it is hard, but you have to take care of yourself.  The social contract is broken in so many ways in these situations, and that leaves us with a need to find a substitute. I hope you find something... Blessings to you....

CathyBeth