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Why do Us Moms Always take the Blame?? - The Van der Sloot Case

Started by anonymous123, June 26, 2010, 07:55:21 am

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anonymous123

I just read a post about "How can Van der Sloot's Mother Abandon him now in his time of need"?
WHAT??? What would any of you do if your adult child turned out to be a serial killer?? Embrace Him? Tell him it would be okay? Bake him cookies??

My oldest daughter has some type of mental illnes that has frightened me for 10 years. She has physically attacked me, pushed her baby sister's stroller  into traffic, accused me of killing her father, stolen from me, been arrested on felony trespassing as part of an Anarchist group in NYC, and you know what? I am afraid for those around her. I have a younger child to protect, I am a widow, and she scares the crap out of me sometimes. I had a Restraining Order Hearing and the Judge Tongue Lashed me for not trying harder to make things work!

Anyone ever think to ask about the DAD's here? What about DAD? Why do they never take the heat? I definitely have the "Mom" gene and never abused my kids - EVER. But if they kill, I will not be there to hug them either... Nothing except self defense justifies taking a human life.


An

Orly

I feel for this woman.

From what I have read, it seems the Dad in the case was there "supporting" his son above and beyond, as in actively covering up his son's peccadilloes.  The world just doesn't know what she saw/experienced in the years of her son growing up. Now that he is grown the only thing she is capable of doing is letting HIM take his lumps, as he has earned them.  IMHO, she is doing the right thing at this point, in letting her adult son face the music on his own.  No telling just how many girls went missing in the Orient and other countries this man visited....that just weren't reported or linked to him by eye-witnesses/video tape records.

luise.volta

What you have been through is beyond my imagination. Blame is so useless, whether it is directed at the mother, father, society or the unknown.  Pouring anger into perceptions of high-profile cases probably offers no relief, either. To me, survival appears to be  the issue. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

BellaTerra66

Decades a long-time therapist (woman) told me that children will not blame their fathers because they know their mothers will always love them and they are not certain that their fathers will.  I'm not so sure that's true today, but I still think there's an element of truth to it.

And there is still this fundamental belief (although pretty unconscious these days) that fathers are out there working to support the family and mothers are raising the children.  Mothers are still considered PRIMARILY RESPONSIBLE for the raising of the children.


luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

I Van der Sloot's Mom is doing the right thing.  I used to jokingly tell my boys (although I meant it) that I was giving them a good raising so when they were adults and decided to go on Jerry Springer, they would honestly have to hold their hands up and say, "No, no...I was taught right from wrong, I had a good Mother....I just chose to be a $%#)!"

And dealing with mental illness is so hard.  I think you have the right survival instinct.  You have to protect you and your other child.  As much as it hurts to let her go, it's the right thing to do.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

allcriedout


Bella, this is a very interesting comment.  I also think there is an element of truth to it.
Thanks for sharing.

Quote from: BellaTerra66 on June 26, 2010, 06:39:57 pm
Decades a long-time therapist (woman) told me that children will not blame their fathers because they know their mothers will always love them and they are not certain that their fathers will.  I'm not so sure that's true today, but I still think there's an element of truth to it.