Insurance and guilt

[justus]

Both of my kids are over 21, and capable of providing insurance for themselves. They are both in school, one in grad school and the other undergrad, but he is a chef and highly employable and have access to insurance they can supply for themselves. Because they are students and because I feel obligated, I have supplied health and dental insurance for them. But, DH and I have have some difficult times and need the $400 + a month it costs to insure them. So, come July 1st, they will be without insurance unless they supply it for themselves. They both have told me that they are more than willing and are capable of doing this.

So, why then are people giving me a hard time about this? They remind me that they can both be insured until they are 26, and tell me how they are insuring their adult children. Then I try to explain myself and because of my own guilt I feel like I am a selfish jerk for not insuring them, but I know that I am not being a selfish jerk, then I get mad at them for judging me. Arrg!! You can see I am having a rough time with this.

My question is: why am I expected to insure them when it is a hardship for me? Or even if it isn't a hardship, why am I expected to insure them? They both have jobs and have access to insurance through their school. Neither of them live with Us. It used to be that at 18 and out of high school, you were expected to pay your own bills, furnish your own insurance, and move out as soon as you could. Now, we are expected to keep our kids dependent on us until they are 30. Why is this? Why do I feel so guilty?

We have some friends who are in a second M. The man insured his son until he was 26 even though the son was married and making more than he did. From the outside, I shook my head and said it was ridiculous, but I know how the man feels now.

This isn't a complaint about my kids who are pretty self-sufficient and are more than willing to be responsible for themselves, it is more of a rant about societal expectations and my own self-imposed guilt.

[luise.volta]

My guess is that there are just as many people out in society that would applaud you and say "Attta girl!" I do! 

[Pen]

I can see helping if:

1. An adult child has medical problems that would be serious if there was a disruption of service
2. An adult child has other difficulties, such as financial, that required your help
3. You could easily afford it

If they're willing and able to pay for their own insurance, they should! My DS was so proud of himself when that day came along - he's a man now

On the other hand, we're fighting to keep our disabled daughter on our insurance since it won't save us a dime if she's dropped and a disruption/lessening of services might be life-threatening.

Do not feel guilty - our goal as parents should be independence for our kids, and when they do well on their own it means we've done our job well!

[Pooh]

Justus, I think you summed it up well in your last few words, "Social expectations and self-imposed guilt."  Everyone seems to do alot of things based on those.  I know I have at times.  I think you are doing great!

[keeponsmilin]

I say GOOD FOR YOU, mom!  it seems we are prolonging adolescence is some way.  If your "kids" are capable of providing their own insurance, then you are doing them a favor.  You are helping them become a full fledged adult. 

[justus]

Thanks everyone, I needed that. I still feel guilty and live in fear that one of them will desperately need the insurance I denied them. I guess this mother guilt is something I need to learn to live with because making decisions based in fear is just stupid.