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Only jealousy can explain my daughter in law....

Started by Siggy, October 28, 2016, 10:41:21 am

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Quote from: Siggy on November 03, 2016, 08:52:41 am
Thanks for your comments.
When young I read that you want to marry a man who is good to his mother because that man will also be good to his wife.  Maybe maturity is needed for the DIL to realize that fact.  I have been in the middle of this disappointing relationship too long to think it will be turned around.
Hi Siggy, I always thought this too. It is a positive sign if a son loves him mother and is good and caring to her. But in my case DIL is jealous of his love for me...very difficult.


It is very difficult, and not a situation any of us thought we'd be in so we didn't prepare for it. What would we have taught our young sons if we'd known? How might we have become women who are treated with respect and consideration? It never crossed my mind to be proactive in these areas. I thought if I was a good person and a loving mother it would all come naturally.

We must learn to take care of ourselves. I think maybe some of our DDs and DILs are on the forefront of change, and it looks selfish and narcissistic to us because they feel they have to swing the pendulum so far out and away from our way of doing motherhood (sacrificing our lives for our kids, spouses, jobs, homes.) My DIL definitely takes care of herself and expects DS to do his fair share.

Although I'm a child of the women's lib movement, I still fell into a similar rut as my '50s era mom, with a couple of adjustments for the times. My DH also had a fairly classic '50's upbringing, so he fell into it, too. DIL may want to be as far away from that as she can get, literally! Can't say I blame her, really.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


 I'm sorry you have an insecure, jealous Dil. I wish we could all just be supportive an encouraging and enjoy time we have together. My dh bends over backwards for his mother. She feels the need to tell us where and how to live. Lots of pressure from her always and if we don't go along with her wants and needs, then I'm just "threatened" and "insecure". I have tried to be kind and close, will will continue but her definition of close is being in the driver's seat controlling us. I know some Dill are truly evil, I'm trying to figure out how to have a good, autonomous marriage and relationship with her.


December 27, 2016, 09:47:47 am #18 Last Edit: December 27, 2016, 09:50:40 am by luise.volta
To me, it seems like we are often looking at deep, unresolved issues in another. Blending families and understanding and supporting relationships that affect us personally is a huge order. Your willingness, L. to have you MIL be how she is when she offers you no such respect in return touches my heart.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama