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My Daughter's Wedding

Started by Green Thumb, October 27, 2015, 05:14:04 pm

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Green Thumb

So my middle daughter got married recently and what do you want to guess? Think it went well? Oh, boy, it was awful and I am still shocked at how I was treated. Three people ganged up on me during the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding -- the groom's father whom I have never met before, my ex husband (who is truly evil) and my dear daughter. I was ostracized, put down and mocked by all three of these people.

What ever happened to basic human decency and the golden rule?

I just give up. It is not worth it to be treated with such disdain and hate. I wrote my elder daughter a letter and mailed it today telling her how much I love her but I have decided not ever to be put into the position of being so ill treated ever again. My eldest daughter goes along with the others, so it is basically saying goodbye in a loving way to her, too. She only invites me to her house or sees me when the others are invited, we are cordial but not close. Her father makes it clear that they can't have him and me in their lives so they choose him. 

And I am trying to decide if I want to write to my bride daughter and say how much I love her but she can't treat me this way.... I intend to go no contact with that daughter and accept the consequences. NC can't be as bad as how hateful she was at the wedding. I mostly feel writing to her is just spitting in the wind -- gonna miss the target and blow back on me.


luise.volta

My take is that writing to anyone who is not going to respect what you say is a lost cause. Yes, it is guaranteed 'to miss the target and blow back in your face.'
Although you didn't go into what was said and done at the rehearsal dinner and wedding...it must have been a horror to bring you to where you are. How sad...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Green Thumb

Hi Luise, I don't want to go into all that happened that was mean to me. Its a long, sad list! Just hateful stuff like excluding me from the parents table at the reception and my bride daughter mocking things I would say, normal comments, and trying to exclude me from photos. And you validate my instinct to make no further contact with my bride daughter, she won't get it or hear it, she's incapable. I was heading towards no contact anyway, this just seals the deal as they say.

luise.volta

I respect and understand your choice to summarize. Just noticed it. What pops up for me is how your daughter chose to compromise the joy of her own wedding. We can't do two things at once, so she elected to experience and demonstrate spite instead of joy. We both know whose face that's going to blow back into. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

(((hugs)))

This says more about who they are, and shouldn't define you or change how you feel about yourself! Really, their behavior was rude and malicious. No one deserves that, and certainly not at what is supposed to be a joyous event.

Moving on can be difficult, but we must if we don't want to spend the rest of our lives licking our wounds. However, I agree with Luise that writing to them about your feelings may only make it worse for you  and continue the pain. I hope you find another way to get some "closure."

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb