Where Do I Begin??

[suzziy]

About four years ago I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis which is at times a painful and debilitating disease and most recently diagnosed with Tarlov Cyst disease, a rare, and also debilitating disease.  In addition to this my husband hurt his back years ago and was in such pain that they put him on methadone. Long story short, my husband's personality changed drastically, he had bipolar issues to begin with and wound up trying to commit suicide several times (I caught him with a gun to his head on two occasions).  We went to counseling and his last attempt at suicide he handed me the gun.  I called 911 and he was Baker Acted.  Since then, my two children have married.  My husband and I continue to go to counseling; and our marriage is so-so.  I'm not very confident in this counselor.

The hurt I have encountered both mentally and physically these past years has been tremendous.  Now my relationships with my son and daughter have dwindled.  My son holds animosity (not sure why) for whatever reason and my DIL is mean and cruel to me since they finally married.  She lies to my son about me and manipulates him.  I have watched my five year old grandson since he was four months old and he is the bright spot in my life.  He will be entering elementary school and anticipate that I won't be seeing as much of him (none if DIL had her way).  My son worships his father and has shown me the same disrespect that my husband has shown me over the years.

My daughter and I used to be very close and she told me she tried not to "pick sides" between her father and I when my husband was suicidal.  She married a couple of years ago and has also in the past had trouble with my DIL.  My DIL has pitted here against her brother on several occasions.  My daughter recently delivered a baby at 25 weeks (very stressful, I know) and now seems to be "siding" with my DIL.  She also adores her father; and has at times yelled at me when things aren't going great for her.

I am beyond stressed out.  Basically, I'm tired of being disrespected by my family, they only treat me nicely when they need something or need a favor.  I love my family with all my heart but I feel I am to the point that I am ready to burst. 

It is to the point that  I feel like I would be happier to move away and start a new life.   Doing so I feel really is my only alternative.  I'm tired of the hurt.  I'd be lonely, but I wouldn't have to put up with the crap my family dishes out to me on a daily basis.  I feel I need to move on with my life, but this scenario would be difficult because of my medical conditions and I'm supposed to have surgery (recovery is 6-18 months) for the cysts on my spine.  I feel absolutely trapped.

I look back, and over the years I have been a darned good mother, and have always placed my children first.  I love them more than life itself.  I have been an excellent wife despite the disrespect from my husband and have gone above the "call of duty" to try and save our marriage.  For what?

Thanks for letting my vent.

[RedRose]

Life is short, and it's not worth putting up with anybody who repeatedly disrespects you. Don't let these individuals drain your energy and confidence.
You need a more supportive environment where you'll be appreciated.

Do not be somebody's punching bag. You you need to distance yourself from these people, ignore them for a while. It will send a message that this behavior has resulted in the separation of people who were supposed to love and support one another. These disrespectful people need to learn a lesson.

If you're in this situation for a long period your physical and mental health will suffer. You'll lose your confidence. It can take years to build that up again after people have been treating you like a whipping post for so long. You deserve better than that! It's not worth it to spend your time with people who will never have anything positive to say to you, or about you. Don't wait for a these people to change. Surround yourself with a crowd of loving and respectful individuals.

[cremebrulee]

Dear Suzzily
I'm glad you found this forum and chose to write out your frustrations...and would like to add, that I'm very very sorry for all the problems and health issues you've had to deal with....sending you big hugs....

You cannot run away from problems...so moving away isn't the answer....unfortunate to say...what I'm reading here is you want respect...then tell them so...and when they want to use you for they're needs just say no....don't say why, just tell them your busy or can't...and say nothing else.  Your making yourself the victim...and they are only following thru on your leads...plus, your son grew up watching his father treat you with very little respect, therefore, the pattern continues...and he will most likely treat his wife like that  when he marrys...you need to sit these kids down and get them into counseling, for it all to work, and you need to find a counselor that works...if your not confident in this one, you allowed to fire him and find a new one....your payin money for a service, and if he/she isn't helping then you need to find someone who can.....

for now, that's a long list of things to start on...but you can make some of these things better...

I'm wishing you well when your surgery happens...please know your in my thoughs and prayers....

[luise.volta]

When respect isn't given, there is the choice to develop more self-respect. You can stay and face all of this and still give yourself more. Look and see what would make your heart sing...a trip, more privacy...a social like of your own...look closely and start planning. One thing at a time. Just take one and give it to yourself. Sending love...