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Now it's my turn :)

Started by PatiencePlease, August 29, 2015, 02:27:32 PM

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August 29, 2015, 02:27:32 PM Last Edit: August 30, 2015, 12:37:24 AM by luise.volta
This past year I've been given the gift of two grandchildren.  The experiences of the births are totally different.  My daughter in law couldn't wait for me to get to the hospital (I had an 8 hour drive) and thrust my grandson into my hands demanding me to bond with him.  She didn't even ask me to wash my hands first!  lol  I stayed with them for 10 days because her mother couldn't be there right away.  My daughter in law was a gracious hostess & of course I did as much as I could for them - cook, clean and grocery shopped.  and I was most happy to do that for them. That was my gift to them.

Three months later my daughter (who also lives out of state)  gave birth to her daughter.  Totally different experience.  I didn't expect to be invited to the hospital -- she and her husband spelled that out prior to the birth.  I was not asked to help them out after the baby was born.  At all. :(   What a contrast to the months prior with my new grandson!  It was different, but it was okay.  We saw the baby one week after she was born -- my daughter and her husband wanted time to "just be" in their home for a few days.  They didn't want any visitors to the house.   Was I happy about their choice?  Of course not!  I wanted to get my hands on my new granddaughter!!  But I also realized this wasn't about ME it was about this new family.  I decided to focus on the positive:  the birth went well and everyone was healthy.

I'm glad I decided to respect their wishes because since that time I have been asked repeatedly to "swing by" (um... it's a 2 hour drive) after spending time at my out-of-town elderly parents and stay the night with them.  Of course I swing by and spend the night.  It's all good. 

I don't agree with everything my kids are doing raising their children, but that's okay.  My job of raising them is done.  Now it's their turn and they are finding their own way building a family as we did so many years ago.  And I choose to respect that.

Just had to share in hopes that it helps someone out there.


What an inspiring post, P.! I wonder how many times in my life, if I had gotten that it wasn't about me...things would have been different. My experience was about me but sometimes, I didn't see the difference. We can always do something about our experience when we can't do anything about what others perceive, decide and act on.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Green Thumb

Thank you for your post. It just goes to show that everyone is different and individual. Just as we want "our way," so does everyone else want "their way." And we all want our own individual ideas and wishes respected.


Thank you for your replies Luise & Green Thumb.

Please know that it is not that easy for me to keep my mouth closed when it comes to sharing my opinions with my kids.  I've got bite marks on my tongue and gray hair to show for it.  Thankfully my husband is on the same page as me so I tend to vent to him (and him to me) when needed.  lol

You nailed it Green Thumb when you mentioned respect.  Each generation deserves to be respected regardless of the differences.


Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


I know I am going to get blocked for saying these comments. But quite frankly... I don't care. Because there are too sides to every story. Why do you think that hospitals place hand soap dispensers at the entrance at EVERY patient's door? They are not there for decoration! Have you ever noticed how the nurses/ doctors use them every time they see a new person/ patient!. Do you know that even through you have had your vaccines, you are still a carrier?! How much germs/ bacteria do you think you pick up, drag up going through a hospital, full of sick people, only to pass on these germs to a baby with minimal vaccines and compressed immune system. For what, bragging rights as to who held the baby first? I hope it was worth putting your grandchild's health at risk for the sack of your ego.

As for the another issue. Why does a woman, who has just given birth, have to play hostess? It is stressful at the best of times ( even when the guest is trying to be helpful), but why just after she has given birth? It is like inviting yourself to stay at someone home, just after they had surgery! It is just wrong. I understand that looking after children, makes you feel young and useful again, but you have had your turn. Now it's their turn- NOT YOURS.


Poppy did you know that skin to skin contact is recommended for new born babies?  They actually pick up the beneficial bacteria and antibodies from the people's skins.  It is a misinterpretation of the facts to act like all bacteria are harmful.  There are more bacteria in and on you than there are cells in your body and a huge percent of those protect you from invasion by the bad bacteria out there.  There are bacteria in your digestive tract that are absolutely essential to healthy digestion.  I am not saying to never wash your hands but studies have shown over and over again that a healthy child in contact with a healthy adult gains immunities.  If you throw a dog into the household the children and adults tend to be even healthier.  They exchange antibodies and can fight off diseases better.  In a hospital environment I would recommend hand washing but to suggest that holding her grandchild risked its life is, well, overly dramatic and untrue. Happily, in this instance, the sky is not falling.
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown


WWU works for many of us...for some it becomes a battle ground. I don't know why. There are a lot of Websites where people post strong convictions and 'don't care'. This isn't one of them. Wishing you well.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama