March 22, 2019, 02:21:56 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


weird/no relationship with mil , where do we go from here? Happy but stuck.

Started by love3, July 02, 2015, 10:54:58 am

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

love3

Well I do believe my DH about his mom. Was it always her fault?  No I'm sure he was to blame FOR ALOT  I'm not clueless , we all know our boys just like you said. I don't use her past mistakes in raising her son as ammunition or for an agenda  , nor would I ever bring it up to her face, that's their issue , that's how I see it. It does help me understand her behavior towards people though but nothing excuses her behavior towards me,  right is right and wrong is wrong no matter what. My parents made plenty of mistakes raising me and my siblings that effected every aspect of our lives forever , but we are still close because they love us and changed , my parent s  would never treat my DH like his do to me. And that's something hard to understand...

I have a younger brother who's wife blamed us for EVERYTHING... fights, break ups, make ups. Of course it wasn't it was my brothers he was NOT a good husband. Had a lot of anger problems . But she always blamed my parents who NEVER wronged her in any way that's just who my brother blames from their past feuds.  So I do understand you as well. He would also go against his wife and tell us their problems and before you know it more arguments broke out between EVER BODY . A lot of timed the husband is to blame, and the dil especially should acknowledge this as well as the mil.

Stilllearning

And there you have it.....wrapped up in a bow. Where did those "anger problems" come from?  Who knows.... Maybe a little more time analyzing things would help.   Probably not.  Good Luck!! 
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

love3

Still learning, the anger problems came from traumatic times and events  in his/our  childhood,  and it escalated into him being a selfish and uncaring person. My parents have done their mistakes to contribute definitely!  BUT  they were always good people, always. As for the person he became,  that was not my parents fault he choose his path.

I'm sure you all get the picture alittle more,  now, hopefully!  Thank you all oh so much for listening I love hearing all your opinions and thoughts !



Lillycache

Quote from: love3 on July 10, 2015, 07:05:58 pm
Still learning, the anger problems came from traumatic times and events  in his/our  childhood,  and it escalated into him being a selfish and uncaring person. My parents have done their mistakes to contribute definitely!  BUT  they were always good people, always. As for the person he became,  that was not my parents fault he choose his path.

I'm sure you all get the picture alittle more,  now, hopefully!  Thank you all oh so much for listening I love hearing all your opinions and thoughts !


  Are you sure your traumatic times and events in your childhood have not colored your opinions of your husbands mother and your reaction to her?   You may want to take a look at that and do a little analyzing.  As Stillearning said.. good luck to you..  I wish you the best in resolving your issues. 

love3

Lily, I could see why you would say that , but I don't judge or view people a different way because of my own personal childhood that's ridiculous haha,  honestly.  Its peoples own action and words that I judge by.

Stilllearning

QuoteI don't judge or view people a different way because of my own personal childhood


That would really make you different.  I think we all judge according to how we were raised.  There is after all the whole "nature or nurture" debate......
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

luise.volta

I've read that most of our conditioning that governs perceptions and reactions is established in our unconscious before we are six and a great deal of it is automatic.

+ + + +

OK, this thread feels like it is pretty much complete. I think I will wrap it up before we start repeating ourselves. Love you all! :-)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama