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Progress: When things strike you as funny instead of making you mad

Started by Pooh, April 27, 2015, 09:19:49 am

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Pen

I'm totally late to this thread (computer/internet issues) but I am thrilled that you got some affirmation regarding your feelings surrounding DS/DIL, Pooh. Not that it changes the situation or makes it all go away, but now you know for sure it's not you. No more lingering doubt (maybe? did I do something? what happened?)

When I found out that my DIL/her FOO hated us for no good reason, I was sad & shocked (for about a minute) then felt very liberated from the spiral of doubt. Moving on!! Yay for us!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Pooh

Yes, it is very liberating!  I knew it...but now I KNOW it!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

daniel

Great thread. So helpful!

So many here are. So many of your stories reflect my own.

So thankful for every one of you for sharing and helping us newbies navigate this battle field

I have been disengaging and then back into it when they call or text.

I am so done with this. Thank you all again.

luise.volta

Before long you will be comforting a Newbee and telling her how you got your life back, J. When we allow abuse to continue...we are consciously and voluntarily contributing to it. For a long time...way too long, I was grateful for every crumb my son tossed my way without realizing I was helping to keep the dynamics in place.
Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

daniel

Right? Grateful for every crumb thrown my way...  SMH.. I'm sick of that.  Every time one of them calls or texts, I'm afraid to pick it up.   That and texting them, I love you texts... That needs to stop too, they know I love them.

Thanks for the wonderful advice ladies.. Always knew I had to do it, but it sure isn't easy. Hugs Luise.. maybe someday I can help someone else. I hope so.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Marina

For myself, when I made the decision to totally disengage from DS/DIL, my nerves calmed down and I was able to gain a clearer perspective on the situation.  Instead of being all twisted up in trying to make the relationship work, I found peace in letting go.  With time, I have been able to move past the hurt and anger and put my focus on other aspects of my life.  I love the Spring; I'm glad to be alive!   

daniel

Quote from: Marina on April 12, 2017, 04:30:29 pm
For myself, when I made the decision to totally disengage from DS/DIL, my nerves calmed down and I was able to gain a clearer perspective on the situation.  Instead of being all twisted up in trying to make the relationship work, I found peace in letting go.  With time, I have been able to move past the hurt and anger and put my focus on other aspects of my life.  I love the Spring; I'm glad to be alive!   


Thanks Marina. Our experience seems to be a lot alike. Thank you so much for reaching out.

My DAD called again last night. 3 times in a month. She is having boy problems again and needed mom to talk to. I'm sucked back in and I don't trust her. I know she loves me and I would love to go back to our previous closeness. I don't think  it will end well for me if I do.

This is so hard.

Marina

JB, maybe it would helpful for you to see a therapist to help you figure out where you want to set your boundaries with DD so that you don't feel "sucked in" by her.  You probably need a fresh approach in how you are responding to DD.   

luise.volta

It seems to me that phrase may suggest helplessness and even degree of hopelessness, as well. It was terribly hard to me to learn that no one could 'suck me in' unless I was willing to play the game. The payoff, when I believed my son did that to me, was I had someone to blame. Tough stuff.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

daniel

You are both right. Tools.. I need tools, I'll keep reading and get myself to a therapist if I can't find them. Thanks ladies.

daniel

I'm sorry, I didn't mean I was blaming my DD.. not at all. This is all on me, I understand this. I'm looking for support and tools, which I know are here. Sometimes, we take the written word a little too literally, I need to remember this and be more careful what I write.

See.. I would love for my relationship with my DD to go right back to being as good as I used to think it was.. (did that make sense)  I did, I really thought we were super close.

That's what is hard.

Back to loving detachment.. now, where's that link?  ;)

luise.volta

Remember...take what you want here and leave the rest. All any of us can do is share our experience and what we have learned. It may apply and it may not. More hugs.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

daniel

Quote from: luise.volta on April 13, 2017, 02:31:50 pm
Remember...take what you want here and leave the rest. All any of us can do is share our experience and what we have learned. It may apply and it may not. More hugs.
[/quot

Thank you. This so the same advice I gave to the new widows. So much great info here. Thanks to all who contribute

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama