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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Started by Mom23, April 09, 2015, 09:15:29 pm

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Its hard, its hard. You sound like a nice woman dealing with a difficult, painful family situation.


You want to know how to detach, its just everyday not allowing yourself to get involved in their business. Telling yourself to stop thinking about it when you get to worrying or thinking too much, get involved in your own life and make a hobby. I suspect being so helpful makes you feel needed and valuable and 'helpful' and thus when the DIL is so mean, it is a double sting. All you wanted was to be loved but you are not getting love.


I think it would be good to give yourself a limit, say for three to six months you will not cook or clean or doing anything for them but perhaps babysit at your house once in a while if convenient for you. Somehow you have to stop the pattern of disregard for you and that means not being around to be kicked down verbally.


I admire that you have opened up and come here to share and learn. We learn from you as much as you learn from us.


And the alcohol thing is very hard.  Their alcohol abuse can be a huge part of why DIL gets nasty. Being around an alcoholic or abuser is not fun and their behavior changes with how much they drink, and chaos often happens. Its a whirlwind.